The Path She Takes	  The Path She Takes

 by Wookie

 Huge thanks to my betas, Slodwick and Miss Windy. All mistakes are, of 
course, mine. 
 

 

  

 Title: The Path She Takes
 Author: Wookie
 Disclaimer: The characters belong to the DC Comics, the WB, Gough and
Millar and the actors. A whole bunch of people, none of whom are me. 

 The road stretched ahead of her like a promise. Like an escape. 

 She yearned to stay on it, to keep going until she hit Metropolis. Stay
on it till it met a highway, and then take that to another city. Another
state. Another life. 

 Rubbing her free hand against her forehead, Nell watched for the turn she
would have to make. 

 Nell had dropped Lana off with Betty Fordman earlier that day so that she
could meet a potential buyer for the old family land. She had briefly
considered taking Lana with her, but dealing with the sad, eerily silent
girl was the last thing she needed today. Nell had been up late every
night for a week, working out her finances, trying to figure out how she
was going to raise Lana. Her worried calculations were only interrupted by
the four-year-old's nightmare induced screams. 

 She wasn't sure she could take it anymore. Her nerves were frayed to the
breaking point. 

 In the past six months, she had done everything she could for her niece,
but nothing seemed to be getting better. And if she had to be honest with
herself, Nell didn't think she was cut out to be a mother. Laura had been
so much better at...things. Homemaking. Taking care of people. Taking care
of Nell even. 

 She couldn't count the number of dreams she had where Laura came back and
took Lana home. Apologized for being late, said Lewis was waiting in the
car, and 'would she mind if Laura just got Lana and went home quickly
because they were tired?' 

 She supposed that made her pretty much the worst aunt of all time. 

 If she could just get away for a little while, maybe that would change.
If she could just have a moment of peace... 

 But apparently, being a parent meant that she could never have that
moment. She never realized how...ceaseless parenthood was. It just hadn't
occurred to her. And why should it have? Nell hadn't even thought about
having children 

 This morning she could barely stand to deal with all the problems that
came with having a child...Lana. The kitchen was a mess, and she had just
put a stain in her nicest blouse while making breakfast for the two of
them. Her babysitter, Sandy, called to say that her boyfriend was taking
her on a surprise camping trip for her birthday. Sandy couldn't believe
that Nell was angry with her, just because she had let her boyfriend drive
her almost out to the camp spot before she remembered that she had a job
today. 

 Nell could have slapped the girl. What she would have given to be in high
school again, to be that irresponsible without caring about the
consequences. 

 But instead she called around frantically, unsurprised that none of the
girls who babysat were awake. It was 8 on a Saturday morning; of course no
one was awake. Hell, a year ago, Nell herself wouldn't wake up before noon
on Saturdays. She used to meet some of her friends at a bar in
Winterhaven, a couple of towns over, every Friday night and they would
stay there until last call. 

 Her friends still invited her to go every once in a while, but Nell
couldn't take off like that. As much as she wished she didn't, Lana was
her family and she had a responsibility to her. She had a responsibility
to be there. To always be there. She had to be quiet when Lana was
sleeping, awake when she wanted breakfast, there when she needed a new
book off the shelf. 

 Jesus, she couldn't even take a shower without keeping an ear open, mind
swirling with thoughts of Lana. 

 And didn't that sound cold? Nell was amazed at how detached her thoughts
had become over time. In the first few weeks, all she could think about
was the funeral and then getting Lana to eat and sleep. But as time went
on, the enormity started to hit her. And suddenly Nell could only think of
responsibility, when she knew she was supposed to be thinking about how
much she loved Lana, and how she would take care of her forever and treat
her as if she was her very own daughter. 

 She just wasn't sure when those motherly feelings kicked in. Or if they
could even kick in for her. She cried some nights, sure that the feeling
would never stop. That for the next fourteen years, she would live in a
house with Lana but the desperate feeling that she need to escape
this...trap, wouldn't go away. And sometimes she cried for Lana, terrified
that when the little girl lost Laura, she lost her only chance to have a
real mother. 

 Nell knew what real mothers were like. Real mothers were women like
Laura. Laura could make fresh biscuits for breakfast as she looked over
her papers for the day and braided Lana's hair. Nell could hardly pour
Lana cereal without a major mishap. She wasn't a real mother at all. At
best she was an imposter with good intentions. 

 But good intentions could never match up to real moms like Laura or Betty
Fordman. Betty had looked at Nell with kindness - but not without a
certain amount of pity - when she opened the door this morning. Nell had
called her, frantic, practically begging the woman to take in Lana for the
day while Nell met with Lionel Luthor about the property. 

 When Nell dropped Lana off, she could see George and Whitney eating big
breakfasts in a tidy kitchen. Betty had already pulled out another plate
for Lana. 

 It was all Nell could do to leave without breaking down. 

 Jesus, she didn't know why she couldn't just keep driving. Blow off the
meeting with Mr. Luthor and go. Anywhere. Somewhere. 

 Anywhere that she could be a normal twenty-seven-year old. Someone
without a child who looked up at her with eyes so sad, it hurt to look at
them. Without the future she never wanted. Where she could breathe. 

 But even as the street seemingly went on forever in front of her, Nell
knew she couldn't go. She had a meeting with Mr. Luthor. She had to take
care of Lana. She had responsibilities. The path was already mapped out
for her.   
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