The Lost Bizarre Ass Rituals of a Kryptonian Boy	The Lost Bizarre
Ass Rituals of a Kryptonian Boy

 by Beth

 For Andy for her Birthday. 
Thanks to Jenn for the beta. 
Please note the whole humor warning. 

 

  

 The day that Clark stopped lying to him about what he could do and why,
October 7, 2003, was one of the best days in Lex's life. The knowledge had
created a kind of instantaneous sense of responsibility and defensiveness
that Lex could only remember feeling during the short life of his brother,
Julian. 

 That autumn, Lex learned what it was to become the confidant and enabler
to a flesh and blood superhero. It wasn't as easy as he had thought,
considering he had to balance his own life and business in there somewhere
too. He was also beginning get a deeper understanding of the superhero
allure; his years of Warrior Angel reading may have lain a foundation, but
he hadn't quite been prepared for the sheer sexuality Clark exuded as he
saved the denizens of Smallville. 

 Superheroic was sexy. His superheroic best friend was sexy. 

 The night it struck him that his date, Michella from Metropolis, wasn't
as sexy as his best friend, Lex began to feel a niggling worry. The next
weekend he had Michella bring her friend Laura to Smallville. Between the
two of them, literally and figuratively, he was caught in the moment and
didn't give a thought to his sexy superhero cum best friend. 

 The next day, when Clark lost his shirt to a particularly nasty meteor
mutant, Lex barely noticed the rise and fall of his friend's chest, or the
way his cheekbones became sharper, his eyes darker. Not noticing this was
probably for the best, since Clark was covered in soot and some kind of
slime which was sliding its way down his six pack and to the waistband of
his jeans. The slime left a trail darker than the faint wisps of hair that
grew down that thin line on Clark's chest. 

 Lex only spared a moment's thought on the frayed denim around the button
fly.  

 A few weeks later, arriving at Clark's Fortress of Solitude, Lex found
his friend sitting on that awful sofa, staring out into the fields. 

 "Clark?" 

 Clark turned around and looked at him, then dropped his eyes, a faintly
nervous look on his face. 

 "Clark, what's wrong?" It was then that Lex noted the alien tablet that
had come in his spaceship in his friend's hands. "Clark?" 

 Still not meeting Lex's eyes, Clark looked down at the worn planks of the
floor, one large hand flexing as he put the pad down on the apple crate
that sat next to the sofa. 

 "Lex... you said you'd do anything for a friend, right?" Quick look up,
then back down to the fascinating barn floor. "Anything for me?" 

 "Of course. What's wrong, are you in trouble?" Lex began to dig his cell
phone out of his coat pocket; he'd already decided that any situation
involving Clark would be better handled by his personal lawyers, they were
more attuned to the fine points of Smallville life. 

 Clark sighed and leaned back on the sofa, and Lex moved to sit on the
other end, waiting. 

 "There's a ritual that the people on my planet have to undergo. A coming
of age type of thing." 

 "Like a Bar Mitzvah?" 

 Clark looked over at his telescope, and Lex could hear him mutter under
his breath, but could only make out the words 'more' and 'circumcision'.
Clark turned back to him, his cheeks flushing. " Kind of. I need some help
with it, and if you're willing, I really want you to help me with it. I
talked to my folks about it, and they're... well, they're not happy about
the whole thing, but they agreed that you'd be the best person to help." 

 His mind racing, Lex nodded in agreement, not thinking past the fact this
was Clark, his best friend, sexy superhero, almost brother, who needed
something. If the Kents were willing to let Lex give it to him, it had to
be important. 

 "What is it that you need, Clark?" Lex pocketed the cell and pulled his
Palm out of his other pocket, stylus at the ready. 

 "I have to undergo the Dorzin Marjin, and I'd like you to be the
Marjinor." 

 Lex raised an eyebrow encouragingly, wondering if he'd have to get a
caterer for this, starting to key up Manolo's on the Palm. Alfonso's had
done an amazing job at his ill-fated wedding reception; the cut-crystal
nut cups had been an inspired keepsake. He wondered if they could do the
same for this. Champagne, hors d'oeuvres... Or maybe the Kents would
prefer to keep this folksy; there was always the BBQ company Lionel used
when he was slumming. 

 Clark sighed and looked resigned. "I need you to break my ass hymen." 

 It was only Clark's superheroically quick reflexes that saved the Palm
before it hit the floor.  

 Lex was to find out, in the next week, that it hadn't been a joke.
Indeed, the final ritual of manhood for Kryptonian boys was a ceremonial
breaking of the ass hymen. This little factor of Kryptonian physiology had
been explained by the vid file of Clark's birth father, a huge man in a
Devo-like dayglo jumpsuit with white hair. If Lex never heard him talk
about Clark's ass again, even in the abstract, it would be too soon. 

 It was the true measure of his Luthor-ness that he could manage to
organize his life as quickly as he had. Giving up more control than he had
ever thought possible, he entrusted the crap factory in the able hands of
Gabe Sullivan and put his personal assistant on crisis watch at LexCorp.
Then he told his father he was taking a personal week and would have no
time to play blind man's bluff, all while spending the next few days in
and out of the Kent house, much to Jonathan's continuing horror. 

 If Lex had to, he'd be willing to guess that Jonathan Kent had thought
he'd run at the very idea of participating in this particular ritual. And
while he had had a few moments of introspection, Lex had said he'd do
anything for his friend, and he'd meant it. He and Clark had a destiny. If
to fulfill that destiny he had to break Clark's ass hymen in an alien
ritual, well, he'd do it. 

 The catering idea, of course, had been nixed almost immediately. Jor-El
said that there was a great deal of feasting and partying on the day of
the Dorzin Marjin, but that was Krypton, this was Kansas. Lex couldn't see
this as a crudite and caviar on toast points event, even in Smallville.
Though he did order a few bottles of good champagne, just because it
seemed the thing to do; the odds seemed pretty high that someone in the
Kent house would have to be drunk at some point, either in the before, the
during, or the after. Virgin ass at seven, cocktails at eight, and
homemade muffins for breakfast seemed very civilized and keeping in the
spirit of the whole ass hymen ritual 

 The day of the Dorzin Marjin was a beautiful Kansas day, warm and sunny.
That evening Lex was in the farmhouse guest room, dressing in the
ceremonial garb that Martha had sewn for him. Down the hall, Clark was
getting dressed in his own room. They would be conducting the ritual
itself here in the guest room, but first there was a short ceremony to go
through with Clark's parents. 

 Downstairs, Jonathan looked like he hadn't slept; the circles under his
eyes accentuated by the red and blue turban and green satin jumpsuit he
was wearing. It hadn't helped that Jor-El had been so damned cheerful
about his son's ascendance to manhood, Jonathan seemed to be taking
personal affront to that. Martha, in a matching green dress, looked
beautiful and seemed steadfastly determined that everything was fine. Lex
supposed that she'd had enough years to figure out that eventually her
alien son would be something of, well, an alien. 

 Standing in the Kent's living room, under a quilted canopy of pink and
orange chenille, the closest thing they had been able think of to resemble
the fur of the Sacred Kryptonian Marmosed, the words of the Dorzin Marjin
were spoken with a Kansas accent. After the final ringing of the
ceremonial gong, Lex followed Clark, who was dressed in a shimmering blue
robe with a red cape, up the stairs. In the guest room, Martha had made
and spread over the bed another sheet in the garish El family colors. As
the door closed, Lex looked at Clark, who smiled at him as he crawled onto
the bed, pulling the robe up. 

 Thing of legend, indeed.  

 Standing in his ceremonial finery, a white satin suit, the design of
which had probably been a televangist's wet dream back in the seventies,
Lex looked at his best friend. There was little dignity available in this
situation, really. Lex could only be grateful that the ass hymen breaking
itself was done with only the breaker and breakee in the room. 

 Lex knew his limits, and getting an erection with Jonathan Kent looking
on was definitely beyond them. Not to mention the whole ass thing... Lex
had always considered himself open to all things sexual, and there was a
faint recollection of a sculpted young man with amazing tattoos from a
hazy weekend in Hong Kong, but this was... well, new territory was one way
to put it. 

 Beyond the casual and the hazy two-week period of his courtship,
marriage, and annulment, the last time Lex'd had meaningful sex he'd had
to make sure he talked enough in his sleep afterward to give Victoria the
false passwords on this computer. This was something... else. 

 Clark shifted on the mattress and Lex pulled himself from his thoughts as
he turned over and looked at him. "Lex?" Clark was still staring at him,
and Lex realized that even without the superheroics he was interested, and
that ass was all his. 

 In a purely sociologically responsible and culturally respectful way. 

 Lex opened the box Jonathan had given him downstairs at the end of the
litany. Inside there was one black leather glove, a slim metallic wand,
and a tube of Astroglide. Ruthlessly, he suppressed the urge to laugh at
the Michael Jackson imagery that was currently warring in his mind with
the image of Jonathan Kent buying a tube of lube and pair of black leather
gloves at Fordman's. Idly, he wondered how long the store kept the tape
from the security cameras. 

 Green eyes watched him carefully from the bed as he put the box down on
the small desk in the corner and slowly pulled the glove on, stretching
the tight leather over his hands, flexing his fingers. Plain old cowhide,
nothing exceptional, but for tonight it was the Marjinoriz, the Glove of
Preparation. He made a fist, and the still taut leather cracked as it
stretched over his knuckles, a low sound coming from the figure on the
bed. 

 Clark was staring at him again as he stood between the two large pillar
candles in blue, red, and yellow that rested on two short marble columns
Lex had sent over from the mansion, curious eyes drifting from his
leather-clad hand down to his white slacks. Instinctively, Lex knew that
Clark was looking through the fabric. 

 "Clark, are you ready to begin?" 

 As he watched, those large hands went to the yellow belt of Clark's robe.
The blue front panels of the robe pulled tight over his chest, the
shimmering hem vivid against tanned and muscled legs. Lex could feel his
cock, encased in the white satin, twitch as the sigil, which looked like a
large S, embroidered on the front of the robe in gold, broke apart and the
robe fell from Clark's broad shoulders. 

 Everything Lex knew about sex disappeared in that second as his knowledge
of Clark Kent expanded in an eyeful of desirable flesh. 

 Long body, muscled and perfect, cock rising from a smattering of dark
hairs, the head dark with blood, the shaft long and hard. Clark had always
attracted him, hell, everyone, but seeing the whole package, Lex spared a
minute to wonder if once you went Kryptonian you never went back. The look
in Clark's eyes made him cross the room, lube held tightly in his gloved
hand. 

 There was just the slightest tremor in those broad, long fingered hands
clasping knees that managed to be knobby and sexy all at once, so Lex
opened the bag he had brought with him from the mansion and pulled out a
wine bottle shaped cooler. A second later two frosted crystal flutes from
a padded box sat waiting on the table. Sure, it may be cliche, but there
had been nothing in the rules to say that the breaking of the ass hymen
had to be done without any alcoholic assistance. 

 The bottle of Dom Perignon opened smoothly in his practiced hands, and
Lex poured and handed Clark a glass. Some might call it a romantic
gesture, but Lex would be sure to crush them beneath his heel if they
dared do it to his face. There was something still attractive about the
story that he was here to do this as Clark's best friend, made it easier
-- noble, even. 

 Virgin in more ways than one, Clark gulped the champagne down, that faint
blush still coloring his cheeks. Lex only managed a sip of his own before
moving to stand between Clark's open knees, gently pulling the dark hair
and lifting that beautiful face. The ass hymen was the goal, but Jor-El
had made it clear that pleasure was essential in the Dorzin Marjin,
fulfilling the Kryptonian belief that the transition to adulthood was a
good and pleasurable event. 

 A little foreplay, Lex thought as he leaned in to taste those full lips,
was the least he could do in the interest of keeping this particular
aspect of Kryptonian culture alive. 

 Strong but careful hands were curled at his hips, pulling him so he
followed Clark down onto the bed. Pulling his lips away from Clark's, the
taste of his friend's mouth becoming part of him deep inside, Lex sat
astride that powerful body, the white satin suit hiding nothing as they
continued to touch. 

 Getting to know each other this time in some ways reflected their first
meeting; Clark had breathed life back into Lex, should have died himself
were it not for his powers. Now all that history was in play as they
completed Clark's journey to manhood. They were unconsciously
extrapolating what turned them on when they were alone, and the results
were amazing, touches leading to groans, kisses so deep that the only
thing they could do was rub against each other, trying to get closer. 

 Clark responded best when Lex ran his thumbs teasingly over dusky
nipples, the needful upward push of his hips sliding against Lex's satin
encased cock that was quickly becoming unbearable. Actually getting out of
his ceremonial garb hadn't been brought up in the vid files, but Lex was
willing to defer to the last Kryptonian in this case, and rolled his hips,
his cock rubbing against Clark's as blunt fingers began to work the
buttons of his shirt. But the contact was too little, a quick shift and
Lex was pulled down by his tie for another deep kiss. 

 One hand was cupping his ass, tongues warring as they pressed against
each other. Clark's tongue was brushing against Lex's, need flowing easily
and desperately between them, when Clark went still, pulling away from Lex
and looking in the direction of the window. 

 Lex turned to follow his gaze, his first thought that if there was
another Kryptonian out there who wanted to break Clark's ass hymen, they'd
better just forget it. They'd had their chance and they'd sent Clark to
Lex. Seeing nothing at the window, Lex looked back at Clark. 

 "Clark?" 

 "I heard a scream," Clark replied, cocking his head and looking intently
through the window. He bolted upright a second later, Lex sliding off his
lap and onto the satin ritual bed dressings. "Something's wrong at
Lana's," he told Lex as he pulled the robe back on. Without another word,
Clark was out the bedroom door, and Lex could hear the back porch door
slam shut. 

 Blinking, Lex tried to follow what had just happened. He had put on a
silly suit to perform an alien ceremony, the point of which was to break
his best male friend's ass hymen. There had been foreplay, which had gone
unsettling well for two apparently only theoretically straight guys. And
just when the nudity was starting in earnest, Clark disappeared to save
his former crush. 

 Dressed in a shiny blue robe with a red cape attached. 

 Cold logic working its evil on his erection, Lex swiftly got up off the
bed and straightening his clothes, started down the stairs to follow
Clark. An obviously perturbed Jonathan Kent met him halfway up the steps,
Martha standing at the bottom landing, looking up them, her eyes dark with
concern. 

 "What the hell did you do to my son?" Jonathan bellowed, predictable in a
way Lex found depressingly normal. Unfortunately, Lex couldn't even give
the proper response, a delicate form of 'I fucked your son in a bizarre
alien ass hymen breaking ritual'. 

 "Clark said there was something wrong over at the Lang place and ran
off," Lex told the, continuing down the stairs both to find Clark and to
avoid Jonathan's icy glare. Martha was saying something to Jonathan as Lex
ran out the door to the Ferarri. A second later he was burning a layer of
rubber on the gravel of Hickory Lane on his way to Lana's.  

 Not many people could understand Smallville, Lex had long ago decided,
after the invisible boy, the two mind benders, and the mutant cows. His
acquaintances in Metropolis had everything, nightclubs, restaurants, five
star hotels, but Smallville had castles, mutants, and crap factories. The
only thing that put Smallville in the running was one Clark Kent, who was,
as Lex pulled into the Lang drive, flying backward out the haymow door and
into the pond. 

 The Ferrari's headlights shone on Pete and Lana, working to unfurl a hose
at the spigot, while in the shadows he could see two other figures running
from the side of the house, carrying what looked like buckets. Lex ignored
them -- they weren't his concern at the moment. 

 "Clark," he yelled, slamming on the brake and running to the pond,
breathing a sigh of relief as Clark, the bright robe clinging to his long
legs, got back up again. Clark spared him a quick glance, but a strange
howling sound from the barn caught everyone's attention. Checking to make
sure the rest of his friends weren't watching, Clark supersped to the
barn, speeding between the doors before his friends knew what they were
seeing. 

 Hoping to distract them, Lex ran up to join the group by the barn,
understanding now what Pete and Lana had been doing at the spigot. There
was a small fire raging at the back of the barn. Lex recognized Chloe's
boyfriend Wally as he ran by to grab another bucket of water from the
faucet on the house, just as Pete and Lana came over with the hose. 

 "Nice suit," the Met U student told Lex with a smirk, throwing the bucket
toward the house as Pete dragged the gushing hose over. 

 Looking down, Lex frowned slightly, he had forgotten he was dressed in
his ceremonial finery. Whatever Clark was fighting up in the barn howled
again, crashing against the wall, sending clapboards flying to the ground.
Lana and Pete continued to fight the fire, winning as the flames began to
die down. 

 Wally, Lex, and Chloe ran around to the front of the barn, and it was
only Lex's Smallville-honed survival instinct that made him pull Chloe and
Wally back, just as a huge four-legged creature landed on the ground,
falling from the open haymow door. It whimpered, then growled angrily, and
as they watched, jumped straight back up, long, sharp teeth flashing. Its
tail disappeared into the barn, a ball of fluff at the end quivering with
rage. 

 "What the hell was that?" Wally shouted, his voice an octave above
normal. 

 Chloe looked thoughtful, and Lex couldn't help thinking that you could
take the girl out of Metropolis and put her into mutant central, but even
that would fail to faze her at a certain point. "Looked like Cooter's show
poodle, Fluffy." 

 "Poodle?" Wally gaped. "It was the size of a horse. And glowing green!" 

 Anywhere but Smallville, Chloe's casual shrug would be totally
inappropriate to the situation. "Welcome to Smallville. Fluffy's usually
dyed pink anyway," she said before swinging around and looking at Lex.
"What should we do?" 

 Lex looked around, his eyes lighting on a piece of equipment sitting to
the side of the barn. Chloe followed his gaze, her eyes widening. "Lex, we
can't..." she stopped as the growling got louder and the sound of wooden
rafters being snapped between huge jaws. "Okay, we can." 

 "Come on," Lex told them, and they ran between the buildings. Lex and
Wally lifted while Chloe guided them, pulling when needed. A minute later
and they positioned it where the meteor mutant had landed. "How the
hell..." Lex muttered as he looked for the on switch. 

 Chloe pushed him out of the way impatiently and flipped the key, pointing
at the ripcord. "Pull," she said, and Lex did, getting a firm grip with
his gloved hand and yanking the cord, breathing a sigh of relief when the
engine began to whir noisily. 

 "Chloe!" Lana yelled from around the corner of the barn, and Chloe and
Wally ran to help the other couple put out the fire. Turning, Lex saw
Clark in the door to the haymow, looking down, and meeting his friend's
eyes, even in the dark, Lex knew Clark had figured out the plan. 

 Then there wasn't any more time to think, and Lex saw Clark zip out of
sight as the mutant changed him. Its head snapped around as it fell out
the haymow door, and it growled as it fell into the open maw of the wood
chipper. Lex turned as quickly as he could, but the wind still managed to
spray him with blood, his white suit becoming red and sticky in seconds. 

 Looking up, he saw Clark staring down in horror, his chest heaving, his
face covered with dust and dirt. The robe was hanging open, even while
still tied. Holding his gloved hand up, Lex watched the red fluid ooze
down, a bemused look stealing over his face as he fought the urge to laugh
hysterically. 

 "Oh, my god, Lex, are you okay?" 

 Lex turned as Chloe's voice penetrated his fascination with the mess on
his ceremonial 'Kryptonian' garb. She looked down after a second of the
Patented Luthor Glare, but Wally never lost his smirk. What the hell was
with that kid anyway? Who thought a guy covered in mutant poodle blood was
amusing? 

 "It's not my blood," he clarified and turned his attention back to the
mess around them. 

 Chloe bent down and picked something up, showing it to Wally. "Red
toenail polish. Definitely Fluffy." Wally just looked a bit green as Chloe
tossed the toenail back to the ground. 

 Pete came round the corner, his clothes wet and dirty; he stared at Lex
for the longest time, then just went over and turned the spigot off. Clark
was readjusting the robe when Chloe turned her attention from Pete, who
was turning the chipper off, back up to the door of the haymow. 

 A quicksilver flash of jealousy went through Lex, and he did the only
thing to come to mind. "Is that a plane?" Lex yelped, pointing in the
opposite direction. 

 "Where?" Chloe and Pete chorused, looking into the darkness. 

 "Looked more like a bird to me," Wally replied, raising an eyebrow at
Lex, nodding in the direction of the barn, that damned smirk never fading.


 "Where's Clark?" Pete asked as he turned his attention back to the barn. 

 "Right here," Clark replied as he walked up to their motley group,
everyone dirty and disheveled, Lex the worst off, bloody and grimy.
Thankfully, the robe was closed, the long, red back panel singed, but
fluttering slightly as he walked. The sigil had been scratched off,
looking like nothing more than a mess of yellow thread. 

 "What on Earth are you wearing?" Chloe asked, her pale brows rising up
into her hairline. 

 "Ummm..." Clark looked down, his face turning a rosy shade of red. "Mom
was having me try this on when I saw the fire," he finally answered. "It's
for the Christmas Pageant at church." 

 Wally turned at took another look at Clark in the light of the open barn
doors, then back at Lex. "Andrew Lloyd Weber?" 

 Lana came around the side of the bard, holding an ice pack on her wrist.
She immediately tried to make peace, ignoring Lex's low growl. "I really
don't think that's you, Clark. Not that you don't look super in it." 

 "Everyone okay?" Lex asked, attempting to divert attention from Clark. 

 Pete nodded. "I think so. This wasn't as bad as the fire out at the
O'Leary place last month." 

 "Fire at the O'Leary place?" Wally questioned, turning away from the
blowing fluffs of green-glowing pink poodle fur he had been watching. "Let
me guess; the cow kicked over a lantern." 

 Pete grinned at him. "No, they got a hold of Mr. O'Leary's lighter." 

 "Mr. O'Leary's lighter," Wally echoed faintly. 

 Lana nodded. "Opposable thumbs. On their hooves. They were lighting..."
she waved a hand in the air. 

 Pete snickered before taking pity on his embarrassed girlfriend. "Cows
are like frat boys. They were lighting farts." 

 "Lighting farts. The cows." Wally turned to look at Chloe. 

 "It's true," she said with a shrug as the rest of them exchanged glances.


 "Cows and poodles. Do I really want to know what happens to the people in
this town?" 

 "Probably not," Lex answered, wanting nothing more than to get back to
the farm. Clark only nodded while Lex silently dared Wally to say anything
else. When it was clear that things were as back to normal as Smallville
was capable of, Lex turned to Clark. "Come on, Clark. I'll give you a ride
home." Lex looked down at his ruined clothes, the blood congealing. "Lana,
do you have a few old towels you could spare?" 

 A few minutes later, Clark and Lex were in the Ferrari, the towels
protecting the leather from their filthy clothes. 

 "Bet you never saw this coming," Lex said as he turned back onto Hickory
Lane. 

 "It's always something," Clark replied, leaning his head back and closing
his eyes.  

 Martha and Jonathan were on the back porch waiting when Lex parked the
car in the back of the house. 

 "What happened?" Martha demanded as she flew down the steps, stopping
short as they climbed out of the car. "Clark? Lex?" She gasped as they
emerged into the back porch lights. 

 Jonathan hadn't said a word, just watched as they climbed the steps,
Martha walking backwards, still staring. Though really, Lex thought, what
exactly was there to say about their appearance? 

 "Cooter's Fluffy got into some meteor chow," Clark replied as he opened
the kitchen door. He headed straight to the fridge and took out a blue
bottle of Ty Nant for Lex, bought especially for this occasion, and handed
it to him. Lex twisted the bottle open as Clark took out a glass quart
bottle of milk and drained it with a few gulps. 

 "But..." Martha waved a hand in Lex's direction. 

 "Woodchipper," Lex said shortly, refusing to elaborate further. 

 "Is everyone okay?" Martha asked, obviously too rattled to demand that
Clark use a glass. 

 "Just a few bumps and bruises," Lex replied after a deep drink of the
water, washing the faint taste of poodle blood from his mouth. "Wally,
Chloe, and Pete were there to help put the fire out." 

 "Fire?" Jonathan finally bit out, a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand
and a couple of glasses waiting on the table. 

 Lex saw Clark's head perk up; they both knew that when stuff like this
happened, Jonathan's first reaction was to defend Clark, usually by
attacking the closest member of the Luthor clan. Looking over at Lex,
standing at the counter, his clothes stained red, his skin still tinted
pink where he couldn't wipe all the poodle blood off, Clark sighed. How
his dad could deny it was the meteor rocks... 

 "Fluffy was breathing green fire, as well as being three times her
original size. She was chasing Princess," Clark added, referring to Nell's
purebred Persian. He stuck a finger through one of the holes in his robe,
and it popped out of the hole next to it. "Sorry, mom," he said, looking
over at his mother. 

 "As long as you two are unhurt, that's all that matters." She snuck a
look at Lex under her lashes; he caught the look and smiled faintly. 

 With a sigh, Lex put his empty bottle down on the counter, the blue glass
clinking against the tile. A glass of Jack Daniels was set down next to
it, and Lex looked up in surprise at Jonathan. 

 "You look like you could use it," the older man said with a shrug. 

 "Come on, Lex." Clark grabbed a handful of bloodstained satin and pulled
Lex, who grabbed his glass just in time, after him and up the stairs. "You
can bring your drink," Clark soothed as Lex let himself be pulled out of
the kitchen, barely noticing the elder Kents averting their gazes as their
son pulled his soon-to-be-lover up the stairs. 

 The upstairs bathroom was warm, cheerily decorated in the same country
motif that stopped just short of kitsch as the rest of the farmhouse. Once
locked inside, Lex gave up his glass for the few seconds it took Clark to
remove his suit. Watching the red stained satin being stuffed down the
laundry chute, he could only muster up the energy to feel slightly annoyed
by the events of the evening, currently focusing on the part where he had
left the house dressed as Oral Roberts' younger, balder brother. 

 The night had started with such promise, Lex continued to dwell as he was
once again separated from his glass and pushed over to the tub. A quick
lift and he was inside, still pondering exactly where the evening went
wrong. He was pretty sure it was when Clark had run out of his bedroom to
face a mutated green glowing pink French show poodle named Fluffy. 

 He'd be willing to bet Jor-El hadn't seen that coming.  

 Warm water flowed over them, turning red before swirling down the drain.
Lex leaned back into Clark as a soapy washcloth slid over his skin,
scrubbing the dried blood away, leaving him clean. One hand rested low on
his belly, gently massaging in slow circles. Lex sighed as the weight of
Clark's chin settled on his shoulder, wet hair tickling his ears. The
solid warmth of Clark's growing erection rested in the small of his back,
comforting and arousing. 

 Turning, he gave Clark access to his front, his eyes falling shut as the
spray massaged his neck and Clark worked on his front, the washcloth nubby
but comforting on his skin. Slow, long strokes over his chest and abdomen,
stopping just short of his cock. Lex could feel Clark moving, stepping
just a little closer; then a strong hand tentatively traced the length of
his erection, following it to the root, cupping his balls. 

 Gentle squeeze that was almost too gentle as Lex slid his own hand around
to stroke and slide down the wet skin of Clark's back. His own fingers
danced over muscled ass cheeks, then tauntingly over the cleft, smiling as
Clark squeezed a little rougher. Lips, shower wet and body warm, were on
his, aggressive and needy. One step closer and their erections were
sliding against each other, flesh hard and insistent, quivering as large
hands wrapped around, slick liquid soap helping to heighten the friction. 

 Low, growling moans filled the space behind the shower curtain as Lex ran
his thumb lightly over a nipple as his other hand reached down to slip
between firm cheeks. Clark sighed into Lex's mouth, his body shaking, his
hold on their cocks tightening as his whole body contracted, wanting,
needing, more. 

 The shower wall was cool against Lex's back, not warm and solid like
Clark had been, nothing like the comforting heat of the water. He opened
his eyes only to see the green of Clark's staring back at him. Running his
hands up Clark's ass, then his back, up into the dark hair, he pulled
Clark closer, and the kiss began again in earnest, searching and deep. 

 Clark gasped into Lex's shoulder as he pulled away, pulling in breath
like no invulnerable being ever should. Lex could feel a soft hum as their
skin touched, as Clark began to kiss and suck his way over Lex's neck and
scalp, kissing the smooth skin just above his eyebrows, down his ears. A
nip on the lobe that wasn't as gentle as it should have been, and Lex's
hand couldn't help but slip between them, feeling Clark hesitate before
relaxing into the thrusts again. 

 Warm, hard flesh times two and Clark wove his fingers with Lex's before
they began to stroke in time, pushing against each other, and he knew
there'd be bruises tomorrow where the back of his thigh was slamming into
the built-in soap dish. Small noises in the back of his own throat, but
Clark seemed to understand -- broad, powerful hands slid under his ass,
lifting him as they continued to move their hips, the rhythm faltering.
Lex let go and curled his fingers in that dark hair and opened his lips
for that final kiss before coming, feeling Clark lunge against him one
last time before he came too, pressing as close as he could.  

 One of the things being rich made you forget was that regular people have
only a limited amount of hot water at any one time; there were seven hot
water heaters at the mansion and huge jacuzzi tubs to fill. Clark had been
leaning into Lex, pressing him against the shower wall for what felt like
forever when he noticed the chill over his skin. As the cool water began
to flow over them, Lex shivered. Clark was still wrapped around his front,
warm and solid, but the rapidly cooling water was quickly leeching even
that warmth away. 

 Thick and absorbent line-dried towels, soft and smelling of fabric
softener felt good as they dried off. Clark peered down toward the
kitchen, and nodding, grabbed Lex's arm and pulled him down the hall to
his bedroom. 

 The towels fell in a heap on the floor as Clark pushed Lex against the
door, the kiss already deep by the time Lex managed to wrap his arms
around broad shoulders, pulling him closer. There was a light sheen on
their skin when they broke apart, Clark resting his forehead against
Lex's, breathing heavily. 

 "Clark?" 

 No answer, just a curve of faintly kiss-bruised lips that meant Clark was
both amused and slightly embarrassed. Lex didn't need to look down to know
to add aroused to the list, he could feel that against his belly, his own
cock began to surge again, hard and hot. He walked Clark backward, smiling
as Clark dropped to the bed, holding Lex between his knees as he leaned
forward to nuzzle and nip. 

 Clark's head resting against his chest, soft breath against his skin, Lex
knew it was time. They both understood that this was more than a ritual of
another world, it was time to start on the next part of their destiny. He
carded his fingers through the dark hair and gently pushed Clark back,
getting only a smile, a mixture of both anticipation and concern, for his
trouble. He followed Clark down, trapping him between his thighs as he sat
astride Clark's hips. 

 Starting with his hands on Clark's belly, he leaned down and forward,
letting his hands tease muscles, then peaked nipples. Slow tweaking that
had Clark lifting his hips, and Lex, off the bed, whimpering in the back
of his throat as his head thrashed against the coverlet. Lex waited until
Clark had stilled, then leaned in again, erections safe between their
bodies, hips twisting and surging against each other for added friction
until Lex had to rear back or lose control. 

 Breathing heavily, he let Clark cup his cheek, those long fingers gentle
against the smooth skin. "Lex, please," Clark moaned, and Lex gave into
the urge to turn into the hand, biting and licking the salty skin. 

 "Stay here," he told Clark, not that there was anywhere either of them
would ever want to be more. Reaching for the box still on the table, Lex
frowned as he realized that the glove had gone the way of the rest of his
ceremonial garb, gore coated and in no way appropriate for this. He
considered his options. 

 "Lex? What's wrong?" 

 "The glove, it went down the chute with the suit." 

 "Oh." Clark considered. "Can we make do without it? You know, just do
this on the fly?" 

 Lex let out an unconscious sigh of relief. "Yeah, I think that'd be the
best. It's not like there's anyone to make sure, right? Because I'm not
going to go ask your father for the other glove, Clark. I'm not." 

 Clark returned his wry smile and extended a hand as he slid back on the
satin sheets, placing himself in the middle of the inverted triangle that
held the El family crest. Pulling the Astroglide and the final Kryptonian
artifact out of the box, Lex took the proffered hand and let Clark pull
him back onto the bed. 

 No hesitation at all on Clark's part, he opened his legs and waited
impatiently until Lex was kneeling between thickly muscled thighs. Lex
couldn't help put run a hand over the golden skin, the tickle of the faint
hairs making him smile. A slow ache was starting to spread from his cock,
if he wasn't already on his knees he would have fallen soon enough. 

 The first touch of his hand on Clark's cock was rewarded with a moan as
hips snapped up, following Lex's hand. Demanding more as his body attuned
to Lex, shaking as the caress continued down the shaft, cupping the balls,
a gentle prod toward satisfaction. 

 "Lex," Clark grunted as one hand reached for him. 

 "Shhhh," Lex replied, gentling him with another stroke down the hard
length, this time cupping his fingers around the head for a second, using
his palm to massage the pre-come into the skin. Clark writhed as Lex
picked up the slim metal object he had taken from the box in his other
hand, pressing the small divot in the side. The sides fanned out, the
metal already warm to the touch, shockingly soft, as if it had adapted for
this duty. 

 Martha had looked surprised when the vid file had mentioned this item,
what Jor-El had called the 'Kobashi Maru, the Object of First Insertion'.
At Clark's query about it, Martha had looked toward the kitchen,
mentioning she had seen it somewhere. The next day it had turned up and
Martha had told them she had put it in the box with the rest of the
ceremonial items. 

 Watching Clark's reaction to the feathers of alien metal being stroked
along his cock, Lex was eternally grateful they had been able to find it.
Clark never stopped moving, one hand at his mouth and Lex could see him
biting his fingers. Curiosity getting the better of him, he touched one of
the feathers to his own cock, not ready for the jolt of sensation that
slammed through him. It was like the most delicate touch in the world
times a thousand after being wrapped in velvet, and he understood why the
muscles in Clark's leg and belly were trembling. 

 Lex leaned down, letting the Kobashi lightly touch skin on the way up
Clark's torso, circling around one nipple as he licked the other. Holding
it just above the moistened nub, Clark moaned loudly as the faintest of
touches tormented him. Up to his lips, pushing his hand away for a long
wet kiss. Tongues warring in the best possible way as he slid his hips
against the writhing form beneath him. 

 The wetness against his belly told Lex that it was time to stop the slow
tease, and breathing heavily, he put the Kobashi down, flicking the
feathers closed, ignoring Clark's frustrated whimper. He reached for and
opened the tube of lube, warming it in his hands before sliding his hands
down his cock, which strained and quivered at the touch, the sensations
ignited by the Kobashi still tingling through him. Clark met his gaze and
pulled his legs up, opening himself even more to Lex. So many implications
in that position, past and present blending as Lex slid body-warmed lube
around the little opening, taking a deep breath before slipping one finger
in. 

 Clark's hips were off the mattress as he pulled out, the large body
shimmying against the satin, Lex's name a refrain falling from his lips.
Lex felt the pull, the need, and the Kobashi was in his hand again, lube
coating the closed feathers as he lined it up and pushed it in. 

 Leaning forward, canting slightly, Lex took Clark's lips the second
before he opened the feathers, and following Jor-El's instructions,
twisted. He swallowed Clark's scream, holding himself steady, knowing it
was pleasure, not pain by the way Clark's hips never stopped snapping
upward, how his hands pulled on the sheets. 

 Lex recognized his own name in a moan and now it was for himself, not
just for Clark, that he pulled the Kobashi back and slid down to line
himself up, slowly pushing the blood dark head inside. Inside Clark.
Invulnerable boy and Lex tested up one side and down the other since his
annulment, there was no fear, no need for anything between them. He pushed
his lover toward the goal, and on a level not totally conscious, Lex swore
he felt Clark's body inside change, and he knew the second he found the
ass hymen and pushed through. 

 Clark groaned; his body held rigidly still, hips raised as he pressed his
head down into the mattress. A long sigh and green eyes opened and a slow
smile spread over that beautiful face. Too intense, too much meaning in
one look, and Lex pulled back, tracing the sharp line of Clark's cheeks,
then down his jaw. Closing his eyes and focusing on breathing, he turned
his attention to the thrust, to the fuck, to the lovemaking, feeling his
orgasm approaching but wanting Clark to fly first. 

 Grunt of a growl and he looked back up the long, lean body, and saw total
concentration on Clark's face, unlike any he'd ever seen before. One long
leg extended out and curled around his back, pulling him closer, assuring
him of Clark's need and want. 

 "Lex..." A low growl of need, and Lex slid forward, his cock inside, held
close in the tight heat as he found Clark's lips again. Down was up and up
was down and Clark's tongue was in his mouth, returning every thrust of
his cock right back to him. Slow, cautious rhythm became harder and
complete as Lex found the right angle as Clark stroked himself. 

 He needed to come, the pressure was too intense to survive; the hum when
where their skin touched felt like the most wonderful thing, but he needed
fulfillment -- now. Tremors from Clark's cock, wet come on his chest, on
Clark's belly, then Clark was sitting up, his arms sliding around Lex,
holding him close. In the next second, Lex could feel heat, turned away
just in time to see first the right candle, then the left, burst into
flame, the wick burning high, then damping down. Clark wrapped around him,
holding him tight and close and Lex looked back at Clark, meeting glazed
eyes and growled as he joined Clark in flight.	

 The room smelled heavily of candle wax and sex when Lex decided he could
spare the energy to come back down. He was lying on Clark, still inside,
strong arms around him, one on his shoulder, one lightly resting on his
ass. He shivered, and a second later, a corner of blue satin was pulled
over him. 

 "Nice thing, with the candles," Lex said before licking a corner of
shoulder that just seemed to need licking. 

 "Mmmmm. Dad'd be proud," Clark muttered into his temple. 

 Lex lifted head and looked at him. "Do I want to know?" 

 "Nah. There's just a reason we're not doing this in the barn." 

 Much better not to know, Lex decided, starting to shift in Clark's arms.
Clark breathed out as Lex pulled back, pulled free. One look in those
green eyes by candlelight and Lex knew he was needed, knew he wanted to
touch. He traced a finger over the beginnings of Clark's beard, nipping at
the corners of that sweet mouth, post-coital bonelessness leaving them
lazy and mellow as they kissed. 

 Caresses that were all but necessary to life that had nothing to do with
the rituals of a long dead planet and its people, kisses that were about
something even stronger than destiny. Finally, when they had touched
enough for now, Lex shifted to his side, resting his head on a yellow
satin pillowcase and faced Clark. 

 "Why did you choose me?" 

 "Because I knew if you said yes, there was something there." 

 Lex traced a cheekbone, down over the strong jaw, finally across full
lips. Never letting his gaze falter, Clark opened and his tongue snaked
out to tease the finger until it was in his mouth and he could suck. 

 Wet and warm, fulfilling in a frighteningly right way, and Lex could only
lean in and replace his finger with his tongue as their arms curled around
each other.  

 Clark was moving around the room early the next morning. The candles had
burned down completely on the marble pillars, but the scents remained.
Looking up from the bed, Lex muttered slightly as he turned over, the
satin sticking to his chest. 

 "What time is it?" 

 "Just after five," Clark said softly, his eyes big as he watched Lex
stand up, pulling the sheet away and stretch. 

 "Chores?" 

 "Yeah, you don't have to..." 

 "I want to." 

 "Oh." 

 Three seconds into his expedition into Clark's personal space and Lex was
being kissed, warm, large hands on his ass pulling him closer, morning
erections poking at them. When they broke for breath, Clark looked through
the door, then downstairs, and with a grin, pulled Lex out into the hall
and back into the tub. Warm water, warmer kisses and soap slick hands made
for short work, allowing them to get clean before the hot water ran out
this time. 

 Dressed, they crept downstairs, only to find the elder Kent still dressed
in their finery, Jonathan's blue and red turban was falling off his head,
his nose buried in Martha's red hair as they lay curled on the sofa. 

 Clark gave Lex a stern look. "No pictures." 

 Lex put on his best innocent expression. "Not even of the turban?' 

 "No." 

 "Spoilsport." 

 "Lex..." 

 "All right, you win." Defeat was worth it, Lex decided, watching as the
room lit up with Clark's smile. Besides, his Christmas Card list was
definitely not ready for pictures from Lex Luthor's Boyfriend's Ass Hymen
Breaking Ceremony. At least not the Business Card list. And he couldn't
see his Great Aunt Lucrezia quite getting the point. 

 "Wake them up," Clark told him softly, already at the screen door. "I'll
do the chores and be back in about fifteen minutes." 

 Lex gaped as Clark closed the door softly. Wake them up. After spending
the night with their son, making love to him while they listened. That
shouldn't be awkward at all. "Mrs. Kent?" Lex inquired softly, taking the
smart man's way out. 

 Red lashes parted slowly, a confused look for a second, until she noticed
the canopy of the Sacred Marmosed behind him, and alertness came back to
her quickly. 

 "Lex?" She slowly disentangled herself from Jonathan. "How did it... go?"


 "It ... went." Lex told her softly. 

 She may not have given birth to Clark, but the soft blush was definitely
a Kent family trait. "That's wonderful." She paused as Jonathan snorted in
his sleep. "Let's let him sleep until breakfast is ready," she whispered.
"He had a long night." 

 Lex nodded before following Martha into the kitchen, sparing only a
single regretful glance at the sight of Jonathan Kent in green satin
jumpsuit with a red and blue turban.  

 Martha had the batters ready to go, so it was just a matter of baking
them and bringing tins of Cherry Nut and Banana Nut muffins to the table.
The coffee was ready quickly, providing Lex with the needed caffeine
courage to wake Jonathan up. Shaking the older man's shoulder, Lex knew
the second Jonathan decided not to slam a fist into his face, his first
instinct upon waking to a Luthor leaning over him. 

 The businessman in Lex was distinctly nervous as things continued to go
unspoken. The kiss Clark placed on his lips after returning from his
chores wasn't mentioned, nor was the fact he never asked to stay to
breakfast before sitting down across from Clark at the old pine table. 

 Clark was on his third muffin when Jonathan's latte machine started to
whistle. He began to go through drawers, cursing to himself. 

 "Dad, what are you looking for?" 

 Jonathan stood up, closing another drawer in annoyance. "I'm looking for
that whisk thing that I use to froth the milk for my lattes." 

 "I broke it," Martha said swiftly, turning an 'orders will follow soon',
look on Lex and Clark. 

 Turning his attention to another Cherry Nut Muffin, Lex grinned.  

 Leaving Clark alone wasn't even an option, Lex decided later that
afternoon as they sat on the sofa in the haymow. Lex was sitting in the
corner of the sofa, copies of The Ledger and Daily Planet on the apple
crate at his elbow while Clark was stretched out, his back to Lex's front.
He leaned back and sighed contentedly every so often, rubbing against Lex
like a large cat. 

 Pete had called to tell them that everything at Lana's had been cleaned
up; Chloe had called a few minutes later with the news that Cooter had
called in wanting to run a lost: reward ad for Fluffy at the Ledger.
Mutants and ass hymens, all in all, yesterday had been fairly typical
Smallville day. 

 They hadn't told the elder Kents the complete story of Fluffy's gruesome
end, and everyone seemed fine with that. The day seemed brighter, the
scents cleaner, aside from the pasture, the sunflowers just a bit
yellower. The urge to break into a chorus of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'
hadn't appeared yet, but at this point, it wouldn't be surprising. 

 More telling than anything was at the sound of Jonathan's boots on the
stairs up to the loft, Clark didn't pull away. He didn't move at his
father's raised eyebrow or slight frown, either. 

 "Clark--" he stopped, and ran a hand through his blonde hair. "I thought
this was a ... just a thing you had to do. That it wasn't... going to
change you." 

 Lex could feel Clark's shoulder muscles tighten, but still, he didn't
pull away. "It didn't change me. It just... clarified things," his lover
replied in a steely tone Lex hadn't heard before. 

 That was a Kent for you. Life-altering statements in ten words or less. 

 Jonathan still had that 'gonna get my shotgun, start running now, Lex'
look around the eyes, but he seemed to get that this wasn't a battle he
could win. "I'm taking your mother to dinner, you boys will be okay on
your own?" 

 "Sure, dad," Clark said as Lex nodded silently. 

 "Okay. I need to go get dressed then. We'll be back later," Jonathan said
as he turned to go. "Probably not too late," he added before he hit the
landing. 

 The boots stopped again, and they looked over the back of the soft to see
Jonathan looking at them. "I hope you boys learned something important
from this," he told them calmly. 

 Lex's mind raced with the thing he had learned in the last few hours
about Jonathan's son, and was unable to come up with something he could
reply with. Anything that mentioned the whole ass hymen thing seemed a bit
like tasteless braggadocio. And telling Clark's father that once he had a
Kryptonian there was no way he could go back, well. No. 

 "This just shows when life gives you lemons, you can make lemonade,"
Jonathan added, his eyes just glancing off Lex's smooth scalp before he
continued down the stairs. 

 "What the hell was that?" Lex asked Clark when the barn door closed
behind Jonathan. 

 Clark shrugged. "I have no idea. I think it was his version of 'you're
okay, I'm okay'." 

 Lex couldn't help but laugh softly, and a second later, Clark joined him.
Curling around, Clark began to kiss him, his tongue sliding over Lex's.
Breaking for breath, he rubbed his cheek against the soft skin of Lex's
jaw. "We can go back to the house when they leave," he whispered against
smooth skin. 

 "How long will they be gone?" 

 Clark focused through the walls of the barn, and smiled. "Dad's wearing
the blue sport coat. He must feel guilty about something; they're going
upscale. Olive Garden, so at least an hour and a half." 

 "He feels guilty?" 

 "He took her there once a week for two months after the thing with
Desiree," Clark said, smiling, then looking down, not sure how Lex would
take it. 

 "Ahh." The sound of the car tires scratching over the drive echoed in the
barn, and Lex pushed Clark out of his arms and stood up. "Let's go." Clark
followed him closely, frowning when he stopped at the Ferarri. 

 "Lex?" 

 "Seventy-five rooms at the castle, Clark," he replied with a grin. 

 Clark's answering smile lit his whole face as he climbed into the
passenger seat. Out of the corner of his eye, Lex could see the expression
on that beautiful face turn devilish, a whole new destiny reflected in his
radiant smile.	 
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