If I Were King of The Forest

by ingrid

Mondays sucked.

There was no getting around it, especially after you spend an entire weekend completely freaking out about the message you received from your biological parents, telling you that you were sent to some distant planet to rule it, like an evil alien tyrant and that planet happens to be Earth.

Spending both Saturday and all of Sunday, hiding in your loft, gaping at the wall, trying to pinch some sanity back into yourself and all that is moot because when Monday rolls around again, it's back to the grind, no one else knowing or caring that you now have a universe-sized problem on your shoulders that no one -- NO ONE -- can possibly solve.

A problem that makes a face full of acne look good in comparison.

Throw an undeserved tardy slip atop all that and Clark Kent had the recipe for a perfectly lousy day to top off a perfectly lousy weekend and week before. All he needed now was to smell ... of course ... his mother's turkey meatloaf cooking in the oven.

Great. The dried-out chewy topper to a lovely day.


Clark clomped up the stairs to his bedroom and flipped his bookbag onto the floor, none too gently. Bolted the lock and threw himself onto his bed, trying not to get angry about the curve ball life threw him -- yet again -- but it was impossible.

Screw it and them and everybody else, dead and alive. So he was supposed to rule the world? Right?

Okay, then, Clark thought petulantly, closing his eyes and letting his imagination focus. Are you happy now? I'm king of the world.

No, wait, not king. Emperor? No ...

Oh yeah. Alien Overlord of the Known Universe.

A tiny smile curved Clark's lips. Good. Take that tardy slip and Principal Asshat and stupid evil parents from outer space. You may be the principal of Smallville High and mean weirdoes from another planet, but me? I'm your butt-kicking, barn-melting, faster-than-your-mama's-shoe Alien Overlord. So there.

Kiss my ass.

As alien overlord, he had to have a castle, of course. Kind of like Lex's castle but without the creepy dark stained glass and draft in the back and all those stupid old-guy knick-knacks that Lex's stupid father put everywhere.

Clark the Overlord would have a rocking castle with track lighting and high-definition TVs built into the walls. Cool posters too ... framed, not just stuck up with scotch tape and thumb tacks. Maybe some black lighting and strobes. Hey, a floor that lit up from underneath and black velvet crepe curtains with red chairs and fake fur rugs too. Lots of fake fur rugs.

Yeah, this would be one classy castle.

The best part of the castle would be Clark's throne. He'd make it himself by bending all these cool metals into a chair shape with his bare hands and he'd do it in front of everybody too, so they'd freak out, but in a good way. Because he was an incredibly strong, but nice alien overlord. He wasn't about giving anyone a hard time, they were all there for a good time, but he was still the guy in charge.

Sort of. When it didn't really matter. He guessed. Whatever.

Clark shut his eyes tighter. This fantasy was getting off track.

Okay, back to the throne room, where Alicia Keyes was playing the piano and singing ... naked.

So, yeah, he'd be up there on the dais, on his cool throne, looking good in his Overlord outfit, which would be stylish, but really comfortable too. Nothing too fancy -- fancy clothes made him look like more of a dork than he already was -- just cool, stylin' Overlord clothes. With room to breathe, but sexy too.

He'd look good. Really good. Even Alicia would think so.

His man Pete would be with him, standing next to him as his lieutenant, dressed in a Roman soldier's outfit and carrying a sword. Just for show, because Clark didn't need the protection. He wanted to give Pete a special place of honor, because Pete was cool and besides, thinking about Pete wearing that little metal skirt and broom hat made him laugh.

Maybe he'd make the skirt really short, just to freak Pete out.


Now for the rest of his throne room. There'd be a boxing ring in the middle for people to entertain him and/or be judged by him.

First off, he'd bring his parents in and lay down a few loving rules. Nothing mean or bad, just that they had to stop busting his chops about ... well, about everything ... and that Mom had to stop making turkey meatloaf where he could smell it. She could make anything else, just not that horrible meatloaf.

For that, he'd give them their own palace and a sign to put up outside that said: *Childhood Home of Clark Kent, Your Alien Overlord. We're So Proud of You, Son!*

Clark smiled dreamily. That was good. Real good.

Okay, next on the list. Lana Lang.

First thing ... the very first thing he was going to do was confiscate her wardrobe and burn everything in it. Those crummy pink sweaters and grandma's jeans and all that crap.

Gone. Kaput. Burnt to a smoldering crisp.

From then on, Lana Lang would be allowed to wear one of two outfits -- a white bikini or her birthday suit. Period. End of story and he didn't care about the weather since she wasn't going outside much either. She was going to hang in the castle, in her bikini where he could see her all the time and she was going to love it too.

A bit of blood going south and Clark cracked open an eyelid to make sure his bedroom door was locked before unzipping his pants.

Ah, freedom, yes, and where was he?

Oh, right. Lana in a white string bikini. No hair clips either, just long flowing black hair around her pretty face, maybe a couple of delicate pieces of jewelry -- ankle bracelets, toe rings, maybe a teeny-tiny diamond nose ring -- yeah, she's looking good. Lip-licking good, all that caramel skin and little white stringy thing -- yikes.

Damn. In the Jell-O-filled boxing ring she goes.

That's right, because in the center of Clark's throne room, the boxing ring is suddenly filled with lime Jell-O. Warm, gooey, sweet Jell-O. And he's plopping Lana Lang in her little bikini in there, because hell, he's the Overlord and that's his order.

But she looked sort of lonely, so Clark thinks he should put Chloe in there too. But not Bitchy, Pain-in-the Ass Chloe. No, happy Chloe, laughing and wearing a bikini too. Something a little darker, because Chloe's kind of pale and she'd look good in dark blue? Purple? Shiny gold?

Nah, purple. Shiny purple, he compromised. Wild jewelry for her though, like gold chains around her waist and dangly earrings and stuff. Streaks in her hair and lots of lipstick and throw her in the Jell-O pit too so she can jump on top of Lana and they can start wrestling.

Tugging and wiggling and smacking each other ...

Clark gasped and squeezed his cock. Oh man, this was the best kingdom in the whole world.

That would go on for hours and hours while he watched them go at it. Slippery and squealing and fighting and licking each other everywhere, and then ...

Then they'd bring in Lex.

Clark arched an eyebrow, but didn't open his eyes. Okay, this fantasy was taking on a life of its own, but whatever. His loyal guards would bring in Lex and it'd be exactly like Lex, but the way Lex was when Clark didn't like Lex all that much -- all snippy and angry and full of himself, demanding all sorts of shit and following him around, glaring at him and being duplicitous and pissy.

But Lex wasn't going to act like that for long. Because he was being brought in for an audience with the Alien Overlord of the Universe and besides, he was tied up with duct tape, which was kind of a good look on Lex, as much as it made Clark squirm to admit it.

That Lex, the mean one that upset Clark, never cared. Never gave a shit, even when Clark told him to lay off, even when it made Clark really sad and guilty that he couldn't tell Lex his secret or help him with things that seemed so foreign and out of his control.

To hell with that. Lex's life -- as well as their friendship -- was about to become a whole lot simpler.

"Put him over here," Clark ordered the guards, pointing to his lap.

Fantasy Lex gasped as he was tossed over Clark's knees, his hands tied behind his back and he tried to wiggle away, but Clark easily held him down with one hand.

He rubbed his palm over Lex's ass, which was round and firm and nice. He waited until Chloe finished her whirling flip of Lana in the ring (cool!) and said: "So, you wanted to know my secret, huh, Lex? Well, here it is."

"Clark ... wait!"

It was the moment they'd all been waiting for.

Spank! Not hard, really, just a enough to sting a little bit. SPANK! SPANK! SPANK! "I said, is this what you wanted to find out?"

"Ow!" More frantic writhing on Clark's lap and in the wrestling ring, Lana, in one brilliant move, ripped Chloe's top right off as Lex moaned. "Clark, please!"

This was great. "Or is there something else you want to know?" A full open-handed spank this time, hitting Lex's ass again with a resounding whack!. "Come on, what's up your butt today, Lex? Let me know and I'll smack it out of there."

"There's nothing! OW!" Lex begged and squirmed and Clark could feel Lex's huge hard-on against his thigh and oh God, that worked, as he slicked his hand hard against his own cock, his hips arching off the narrow bed.

Fantasy Lex was still pleading with him: "Please, Clark. I'm sorry, I'll be good from now on. I'll be the best friend in the whole world, forever."

Overlord Clark wasn't convinced. "I dunno. I think you need some more spanking. In fact," he nodded at Chloe, "I think you two need some spanking too. You can start with Lana and then she can have a go at you."

"As you wish," Chloe replied happily and naked Lana was tossed over her knee in a flash.

The joyous sound of whapwhapwhapwhap! filled the throne room as Lex whimpered and Lana wiggled, and Clark felt he was doing an ace job at ruling the universe, especially since Pete was telling him so as he did it.

"That's a good one, sir." "Excellent shot, your Highness." "I think I felt that one myself."

Finally, Clark decided Lex had enough and put him down, enjoying the handsome face flushed and sweaty and Lex's cock was as hard as a rock beneath his oh-so-pricey pants. "Now, you're going to be my pal and we're going to do this friendship right from now on or you're going to get spanked until you lose the ability to sit down ever again. Got that?"

Lex just whimpered. Sexily.

Clark nodded smugly, then rose from his throne addressing his subjects, like the coolest, best alien overlord in the whole wide world.

"Okay, so who's gonna give me a blow-job?"

"ME!" they all yelled, naked Lana and Chloe jumping up and down, Lex licking his lips, Pete waving his sword and that's when Clark came all over his hand, his t-shirt and half of his sheets.

"Oh, crap," said the not-yet-ready-to-rule Alien Overlord. He yanked off his stained t-shirt with a grimace, knowing he didn't have a clean one left anywhere, as well as no clean sheets. "Shit, it doesn't get any worse than this."

As if in response ...

"Clark!" his mother called upstairs. "Dinner's ready, turkey meatloaf and there's plenty of it."

Clark sighed. Even for the future rulers of the world, Mondays just plain sucked.


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