All Hands

by Jett

Dedicated to those who remain happily in denial.
Oh, and feedback? It's a good thing. ::grin::

Notes: Written for the "Rift? What rift?" Challenge Category: Humor; alas not future fic (hangs head) Rating: NC-17 for language

All Hands

Wiping his hands on his pants, Clark stopped in the study. He stood quietly by Lex, waiting to be acknowledged as Lex went through the stack of papers, apparently oblivious to Clark's presence.

Clark knew better. Lex was always aware of what was going on around him, whether he indicated it outwardly or not. Sometimes, he would give himself away with only a minuscule tell, like the nearly imperceptible opening of his legs Clark learned to read as signal of Lex's cognizance and -

Clark dismissed the last thought. Lex Luthor could have anyone in the world he wanted. He'd been with some of the most beautiful women Clark had ever seen. Of course, there were also the skanks. In any event, why on earth would he want -


Now prying eyes away from Lex's crotch. Stupid glass desk. Yay! glass desk. "Um," Clark responded, face flushed, green eyes twinkling. "Just delivered the produce. It's in the kitchen."

"Then all is as it should be."


"Produce. It belongs in the kitchen. You've seen to its safe arrival. In the kitchen."

Clark grinned. Hoo boy, dopey much? "Riiight. Kitchen. Produce."

"Is there something I can help you with?"

Maybe. See, Lex, I've got this problem.

"Your mother got the check -"

"Wha -"

"Clark?" Lex's brow furrowed. "Are you all right? You look flushed."

"I should go," Clark said very quickly.

Beneath denim, Clark's cock twitched and spoke with Glenn Close's voice, "I'm not going to be ignored."

Clark gritted his teeth and thought of Glenn Close. That'd teach his cock.

"Sure, Clark. I do have a lot of work. Company to run."

"CEO," Clark affirmed, taking a half step away.

Clark's cock twitched again, this time, making him squirm as he walked. The gait might've worked in the 'hood - if he were surrounded by blind people.

Thankfully, Lex was as good as blind, remaining singularly fixed on business.

Stupid business.

Stupid papers.

Stupid Lex too stupid to notice -

Clark inhaled from the distance, taking in clean, aromatic maleness. Not spicy. Not sweet. Not musky. All and none.


It wasn't like Clark hadn't smelled Lex before. But there was something about now, today here.

Oh. Shit.




Clark was all about control. His control was almost as amazing as his strength or his speed - particularly when aroused.

Granted, sometimes he felt like this around Lana. And Chloe. It was never as intense though. Around them, he'd been able to control the bulge. Now, it seemed to have a mind of its own.

Stupid cock.











Clark felt the throbbing as blood rushed to his greedy member.

Was it supposed to be that big?

Clark's pants continued to balloon below his waistband.

At this rate, he'd never make it out the room.

"Not now," Clark muttered, placing his hands hastily over his crotch.

The cock engaged him fully, in a war for its freedom.

Clark sought to deny it.

Clark's cock had other plans.

It continued to expand, pushing for territory beyond boxers, eventually spitting zipper teeth into a nearby wall.

How Lex didn't hear the racket was beyond Clark. Uh, like Uzi fire. Ok, maybe only in his head.

The cock jutted out.

Free! shouted Glenn.

Exposing a massive erection.

Clark turned, backing out of the room. "Call me if you need anything," Lex reiterated.

Clark was too busy stumbling through the doorway to take heed.

He headed not for the front door, but for the second floor at top speed. He ducked into the nearest bedroom. He had to do something about the hardness, because um, from the looks of things, it wasn't going anywhere.

Stupid cock.

Slowly, Clark took his cock in hand and began stroking. Um, yes. Clark's body softened. The cock did not. "Is this what you wanted?" Clark asked.

"No," said the cock, "I wanted Lex."

"And maybe a rabbit to boil?"

Clark settled for inhaling Lex in his absence, feeling him, as the rhythm accelerated.

"What about some lotion?" added the cock.

"I'm invulnerable. What do you care?"

"I like the way it smells."

"You're a COCK!" Clark shouted.

Stupid cock.


Was that God? First Glenn Close, now God. What the... Hey, wait a minute.

Since when did God sound like Lex?

"Did I mention I had security cameras installed?"

Sweet jebus.

Clark looked up. In a corner of the room, a red light winked.

Clark folded himself over in an attempt to spare himself further embarrassment.

"Are you sure you don't want some help?" continued GodLex.

Clark inspected his withering cock. "Pfffffft. Now you're shy."

"Oh," came the voice of the man who'd started the Cock War, "I could help with that too."


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