"Too bad that she couldn't see/see the man that boy could be/there is more than meets the eye..." ~'Sk8er Boi', Avril Lavigne
Lana Lang is masturbating. She's been touching herself every night for weeks, probably -maybe not weeks, but a lot of nights in a row that she hasn't really kept track of. It's not unplanned, but it isn't on a schedule. Lana doesn't know what she's working towards -she hasn't made the decision to give her body to her boyfriend anytime soon; it isn't as though she thinks she should know just what she's allowing a man to do. At least, she doesn't think that's what it is. It's not really a female empowerment issue, either way. She just thought about it one day -or maybe she's been leading up to this deal for a long time, years even- she's been wondering just what pleasure is to be found in genital stimulation. There's supposed to be something hot about it, maybe something about knowing a whole other side of yourself. This is something she always knew she'd find out but was never sure how. There's something else inside of her -there's a girl who gets hot and bothered in here- but she's hasn't seen her in 17 years of living and she thinks maybe it's time to bring her out. She has to find her first.
Lana runs painted fingernails gently down her chest, following the line between her ribs, her touch so light it should tickle except this is her own hand and she knew it was coming. Her chin is tucked under her pillow and she's lying in her bed curled on her side, a pillow between her legs and her shirt pulled up so the bottom of her breasts would be exposed except she can't see them from here, around the fabric. She's heard somewhere that some people are visually stimulated and she thought she'd try this. Her fingers dip down and squeeze between her clenched thighs until she can brush coarse pubic hair. She runs her fingers along the crease between her upper thigh and pulls them back to touch the exposed part of her breasts.
This doesn't seem to be doing anything, and Lana ducks her shoulders under the covers so she can pull her shirt off, almost yanking, then leaving it within easy reach but hidden under the blankets. She keeps an eye on it so it doesn't get lost in the tangle as she turns over onto her back, keeping the comforter pulled up over her now-bare chest. Carefully, she settles, knees spread and feet together in what would probably look like a yoga pose in daylight.
She puts a hand on each breast and tries to roll them a little, getting a feel for the cupping thing. Her breasts are smooth and -she can feel the glands inside each of them, weird lumps that kind of freak her out and she spends a few distracted moments checking for irregular ones, but- right. She's in the middle of something. With her shirt off she should feel more sensation on her breasts, but even moving the sheets back and forth over them does nothing for her. She lifts the blankets to take a peek, then drops them back down with a whoosh of cool breeze that- well, that's nice. She does it again, on purpose.
That gets less interesting the more she does it, so in frustration she throws the covers off her top half completely. And freezes. She listens to the house around her and strains her eyes to make sure she's still secure. She's lying in bed with her entire top half exposed to the room. She knows that some people get off on the idea of being discovered, too, but thinking of the look on someone's face walking in -ugh. She simply lies still for a few minutes. If she looks down, her nipples are pebbled and sticking straight up, naked and illuminated by the soft light coming in around the curtains. Lana puts her fingers on one nipple again to see what happens. She doesn't pull on them, just touches, because once she tried to make her boobs feel something from rubbing on the nipple and all she managed to do was make them sore for the entire next day.
Slowly, slowly, she skims her hand back down her stomach and into her pajama pants, combing her fingers through curls down there. The hair pulls out a little and feels nice, and then she pulls away. Her hand lingers over the crotch of her panties. They're red, actually. She could take her pants off, maybe, but then she'd have to put everything back on afterwards before she goes to the bathroom to wash her hands. And pants are difficult to pull on while using only a few fingers, she knows.
This is so embarrassing. It's ridiculous, really, if this is supposed to bring her pleasure and she's forcing herself to do it. She'll never admit to doing this, even when Chloe brings it up like it's the most natural thing to do ever and Lana can imagine how shocked Chloe would be if she, Lana Lang, had something to say about that from personal experience. Chloe could be doing this right now- she's in bed just down the hall and that makes Lana feel weird. Her hands are lying folded on her stomach before she knows it and she's listening again but there's still nothing to hear. It's late: almost 1 o'clock now -she'd better do this if she's going to- and a school night.
Lana rubs a few circles over her clit and then sighs and decides to call it a night. It's no use; she needs something to inspire her. She replaces her clothing, makes a quick trip to the bathroom, then curles up more happily around a pillow and falls quickly to sleep.
The Talon is preparing for Valentine's Day and Lana couldn't be more pleased because she gets to decorate all in pink and red. As if that isn't enough to make her happy, she also gets to force Clark to help her decorate with pink and red. Clark doesn't say much but she's pretty sure, anyway, that he hates it. If he had an opportunity to, he'd probably be delighted to decorate everywhere in blue and red.
Clark should show up soon. He promised to be there that afternoon, in time to keep her dad away from Lex Luthor. Henry Small tended to make unexpected visits to his daughter's workspace at the worst times. She talked Chloe into hanging out there after school, too, so she can watch Clark for Lana.
Just on principle, she doesn't rely on Clark. Not anymore. When Lex is behind the details on one of their dates, she checks with him to make sure the reservations are made and the limo shows up on time. When they've planned a date with other people, she holds onto Clark for the entire afternoon before just to keep him from disappearing on her and making her go out alone with their coupled-up friends. Like next week, for Valentine's Day, she made sure the Talon had the chocolates she wants and then she informed Lex what the perfect Valentine surprise would be. She has figured it all out- how to manage Clark and his irresponsibility, or his eccentricities as Lex would probably call them.
They've been dating for 3 months. Lana thinks she'll give it a little longer, see if Clark figures out or can be taught how to meet her needs. After all, Kent men are stubborn. Nell used to say that, and since Lana and Clark got together, Nell calls Lana much more frequently on the phone to say it again.
Lana knows Clark loves her. He waited for her for years. She thinks he'd be willing to do anything she asked him to do. And he's a great guy -he should understand that a relationship is about compromise, keeping the other person happy. He hasn't pushed on the sex issue, after all. If he did, they'd be through. Nobody forces Lana Lang to do something she doesn't want to do.
Clark and Lex, she sees, are sitting in a corner talking even while she's standing here wondering where her boyfriend is at. She approaches them to ask, "Lex, can I get you anything to drink?"
"Hi, Lana. The Talon looks great," Lex replies with his usual quirked smile.
"Oh, come on, I know you guys. You hate the pink as much as Clark does." Lana rolled her eyes in Clark's direction. "Clark agreed to help me put up the rest of the decorations this afternoon, though, didn't you, Clark?"
He smiles and shrugs at Lex. "Yeah, Lana." He finally stands up. "See you later, Lex."
"Lex, I'll be right back, unless you wanted to talk in the office?"
"This is fine. I'll just have a coffee, Lana."
"Okay." Lana finds Clark behind the counter. "I didn't know where you were, Clark."
"Sorry, Lana. I was late because of my parents. My mom still hasn't come home from Metropolis."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Clark!" Was he talking to Lex Luthor about this instead of her? He should know she's there for him. "I'm being so selfish, aren't I? Just because of silly Valentine's Day."
"No, Lana, you're not selfish."
She frowns. He sounds so stilted. "What is the problem with your parents? Did you want to talk about it?"
"No, it's okay. I should just stay out of it, really. It's between my mom and dad."
"I hope everything is alright between them by Valentine's Day. It's such a special day- people remember it for a long time when something happens to ruin a day like this, you know? My dad, Henry, told me this story about my mom and a fight she had with my dad around Valentine's Day. He says she came to him and-" Lana stops. Actually, that's not really a subject she wants Clark to think about. She starts to blush.
Clark grins broadly. She really wishes he would just change the subject when they get into spots like this. It would be a nice gesture. "Here, Clark," she says hurriedly, "this is the-"
"I know, I know, bunting. I remember what you told me." He's still grinning as he walks away, calling over his shoulder, "Tell your dad I said hello."
"Tell him your-" Ugh. He's obviously forgotten she needs to meet with Lex. What exactly does he think about that keeps him so preoccupied?
Turning back to the counter, Lana sees Dr. Bryce has just come in. Dr. Bryce is Lex's girlfriend and a regular customer at the Talon since they started dating.
"Hi, Helen," she smiles brightly. "Bring you coffee?"
Helen shakes her head, obviously preoccupied. She looks around until she finds Lex, and starts towards him, bumping into Clark on the way. Lana and Clark watch her until she comes face-to-face with Lex.
"I wonder if something's wrong?"
Clark shrugs, that blank look on his face that signals more secrets.
"Lex must be a difficult person to date," Lana muses. "Extremely secretive, busy enough for two people otherwise, always silently judging you." She adds quickly, "Or he has that look, anyway. I wonder if he'll have to cancel our meeting?"
Helen brushes past them on her way out without stopping. Lana and Clark raise their eyebrows at each other and then Clark starts to go to Lex. "No," Lana stops him. "I'm about to go talk to him anyway."
"Clark. We should probably respect his privacy." He looks like he's about to protest, so she says, "Look, there's Pete." Clark's friend has just come in. Lana sees Chloe's arm around a corner, waving to him. Lana smiles brightly, always encouraging him to spend more time with his real friends. Lana's not sure that Lex is Clark's friend at all. They certainly don't behave like normal friends, and she knows they often fight. Ever since she heard Jonathan and Martha's take on the dangers of Clark's friendship with Lex, she's sided with the older Kents more and more.
Clark hesitates for a moment, glancing from her to Lex, but eventually agrees. Lana smiles and leaves him there, heading over to Lex herself. Pete is who Clark needs. Someone he can talk to and play manly-man games with, without feeling compelled to change.
"Lex," she prompts him, sliding into the seat across from his. He nods, closing two of the folders in front of him and looking up with a neutral expression. "Lana. Business is going well. Frankly, I can't find any issues to bring up with you. Is there anything you'd like to discuss?"
"No, I'm sure you have other things you should devote your time to. Knowing you."
Lex smiles pleasantly but the edge is clear on it. "Knowing me?"
"I was just telling Clark how alike the two of you are. Unpredictable-"
"Hiding things?" Lex interrupts, his expression unchanged but eyes sharp.
"Yes," Lana replies boldly. "I wonder why that is? Are girls supposed to be bad at handling these things or something?"
Lex gathers everything then stands and looks down at her, pleasant again and eyes dark. "Lana, I know from personal experience- women are excellent with secrets."
Clark's not there.
Lana shouldn't be surprised, but she is. She went out of her way to convince Clark this was important to her, and she knows she really shouldn't have to do even that. She made the general outline of the date for them herself, and checked to make sure he'd followed the plans. She should have been able to trust him, but since she couldn't, she'd worked with the demands.
Basically, the only thing he had to do was show up. She would have been okay with just a rose corsage or even a bouquet of his mother's flowers. He would have looked handsome in that suit of his and they would have looked great together, dark hair and wine colored shirt and dress matching.
What will he say? *'Lana, I'm so sorry,'* he'll start, probably, eyes ashamed, and she'll let him try to explain. *'No, Clark,'* she'll be angry, *'I've heard it too many times already.'* Or maybe she should stay patient like always. Clark has a temper that he sometimes doesn't control all that great. She's always been afraid of his using it against her someday.
Lana's eyes flare and she starts pacing near the doors inside the Talon. Who is Clark for her to be afraid of? Hasn't she known him since he was basically a kid? Hasn't he been in love with her forever? Isn't he Jonathan and Martha Kent's adopted son? The Kent temper might be as well-known as Kent pride, but it wasn't even born in him. Clark didn't have a legacy to keep up or something. Wait- where were his parents today? Oh, right. His mom was working late in Metropolis so Mr. Kent had made special plans and was driving up for dinner in the city. Now that was romantic. And Lex was probably doing something dramatic for his girlfriend, too. At least Lex Luthor knows the mechanics of being romantic: of that, she's certain. Lex treats Helen like a lady and Helen doesn't have to nag him. Of course, he's probably not always there for Helen, either, because he's so busy- but apparently Helen's doesn't mind him. Lana would bet Lex has never stood her up, though. She'd never put up with it.
Lana sits down slowly and thinks about this. Is it the sex that changes things? She imagines -well, she's never imagined- but she would bet Lex and Helen are having sex. She somehow doesn't think Lex Luthor would call anything a relationship without it, which is just really different. She dated Whitney for a long time and they never really had to talk about it -Whitney was sort of protective. She was a lot younger than him and that was probably the best thing about him -he never, ever expected that kind of thing. When Lana realized how much Clark was into her, she started to wonder about things. Not just who she was but what Clark and his friends could see. Just what was she was showing them? It was embarrassing, almost, to try to figure this stuff out with Whitney. While she was technically "with" Whitney, she couldn't even think of expressing her sexuality. What might he think she was doing?
It's always been different with Clark. Sometimes Clark seems to see her sexually, and sometimes he can really be just a friend. Clark pushes her and then pulls back the next minute, saying it wasn't him. Lana doesn't know what she wants in that area, from him or anyone, but she's always expected to get the other stuff -the regular stuff- put together beforehand. The boyfriend stuff is still a mess with them, so the sex stuff definitely comes second. If that's what Clark wants from her, he can forget it.
The phone rings. It's Clark, asking if she can come to the loft. She agrees, and hangs up abruptly. Fine, but he'd better have candles or something.
Clark Kent is ruining her perfect day.
"Okay, Clark," she says. "Where were you today?"
"I was in Metropolis with my Mom at LuthorCorp," he says, standing by the loft window with the big night sky behind him. He goes on without prompting, "She was finishing up a -deal, and I ended up helping her check some math... and then Lex showed up. He was upset."
"Clark," she says seriously, "Lex has no right to be upset with you for helping your mom. She works for LuthorCorp. That doesn't mean anything."
"I know, but he was already upset because of the Helen thing. He found out she's been working with his dad this whole time, behind his back."
Lana sighs and slumps onto the couch. One day, she promises herself, she is going to catch Clark Kent without his excuses.
There's something under the thin cushion and when she pulls it out it's a softcover called Why Men Love Bitches. Lana's jaw drops. "Clark!" she says sharply, and he whirls around, winces. "What the hell is this?"
"Lana -don't get upset. Lex gave it to me as a joke." His eyes widen when she jumps up. "Um, I mean-"
"Just how do you and Lex discuss this relationship, Clark? I don't believe you!" She throws the book down on the wood floor, grabs her bag and heads for the stairs.
"Lana!" He calls her when she's already on the landing. She stops, relieved, and glares back up at him. "You ruined my Valentine's Day, Clark."
"I know, Lana," he says quietly. "I can't seem to do anything right when it comes to you."
Lana is aghast. "So now this is my fault?"
Clark frowns at her. "Lana, nothing is ever your fault."
"Clark," she sighs, still not moving back up towards him, "I'm just not sure you're commited to this relationship."
"You have every reason to doubt that," Clark agreed again.
"So- it's true," Lana said, slowly. And then she's shocked. "You want out of this relationship?" Her voice quavers.
"No, Lana. I don't," he sighs, standing at the top of the stairs with a hand on the railing. "I want you to tell me if you want out. Because- the last thing I ever wanted was to be another person that you felt abandoned you. I was trying to- I want to be here for you, Lana."
Lana tenses. "I don't need a pity boyfriend, Clark!"
"I didn't say that!" he says sharply. "You can date anybody you want. And they're all going to be there more often than me. And-" he paused, looking deep into her eyes, almost like he really meant it, "you deserve that. You deserve a- a normal relationship, with all the special things. I tried to be thoughtful and sensitive and stuff," he whispered, ducking his head, "but I guess I'm just not good at it."
"I'm not sure what I'm hearing you saying, Clark," Lana says finally, taking a couple steps back up. "Is this really about you not wanting to be exclusive?"
"This is about me not being able to be exclusive. With you."
"Well look at me when you're breaking up with me!"
He looks back up directly. "Do you want to break up, Lana? I said this is your call."
She can only stare at him, unable to open her mouth or think of anything to say. This is just what she knew would happen to her when she got involved with Clark! And why can't she say anything? Lana knows what she wants, and he very clearly isn't it. But Clark really can be so sweet. And she's put so much time into him! This just isn't fair. She looks suddenly back over his shoulder at the book lying there on the floor. When she looks at Clark she narrows her eyes. "Is this-"
"Lana, if you want to maintain our friendship after we end this relationship, I don't think we should start fighting dirty," Clark says firmly. His eyes are dark and cold, maybe, like he's not affected at all --she hates when they get that way. It has always meant bad things.
Lana shivers and she knows what to say after all. "I see there's no use trying to be reasonable," she hisses in his face. "I see you've had your own agenda all along. I can't believe I ever even thought I could trust you, Clark."
Clark looks down. "Don't start that again, Lana. I never wanted to hurt you."
"No? Well, you have. Congratulations, Clark. After I leave you can run straight to Lex to tell him all about it," she spits, turns on her heel, and storms down the stairs. She pauses just out of sight, under the edge of the loft, and listens. There's no sound from above.
Lana's suddenly realizes she's spent half her relationship with Clark standing here, waiting for him to come to his senses and come after her. She's through playing his game.
Lana swings her bag over her shoulder and leaves the barn behind.
Later, after she made Chloe go back to her room, assuring her she was just fine after her horrible break-up scene, Lana couldn't sleep. So she decided to try again. She slid her hands straight into her panties this time, but let her mind wander.
She'd been cursed since childhood to know these sorts of people. Her mother and father left her, died in front of her like the worst thing that ever could have happened to her, but before that her mother left her father. Henry Small, her biological father, was an irresponsible man that would forget to visit her if he didn't drink coffee. Nell, the only family she'd known while she'd grown up, had decided to seek greener pastures in Metropolis and refused to give it up even for Lana. All those years Lana had thought Nell loved her as a daughter. Nell had told her nothing but lies. Lies about her mother, lies about everything else. Was it any wonder Lana didn't believe her when she said the Kent men were trouble? It was probably the only time Nell was right about anything.
A boyfriend or girlfriend was supposed to be the most important thing in your life. If you couldn't make that sort of intimacy last for any extended length of time, what was the point? Sometimes Lana's not sure if she's the abnormality or if Clark- if guys are. It was very plain now that Clark was not suitable boyfriend material for anybody. Not even Chloe would put up with him, she was sure. Lana had felt it her duty to be honest with Chloe about all of Clark's boyfriend-flaws and Chloe is no dummy. Chloe is as determined as Lana to find something -someone- extraordinary. Lana knows it's out there waiting for her, Lana Lang, to come along. She deserves someone perfect for her.
Oh. Suddenly she's all slippery down there and -that's never happened before. It's okay, she knows about all this; she's just never been intimate with the details.
She closes her eyes and spreads her inner folds a little more, rubbing faster, until- she gasps when the pleasure peaks, pulling her fingers away from the sensitive area immediately. She's very still and listens to the house for a moment, even though she didn't make any noise.
Wow. She finally felt it. She obviously did the right thing by following her heart desires today. Her orgasm is incredible, and that was just from her own hand. What would it feel like with someone else, someone she trusts, someone handsome and who is happiest when he's pleasing her?
Clark Kent doesn't know what he's missing.
Also, why not join
Level Three, the Smallville all-fic list?