The Lost Bizarre Ass Rituals of a Kryptonian Boy

by Beth


For Andy for her Birthday.
Thanks to Jenn for the beta.
Please note the whole humor warning.


The day that Clark stopped lying to him about what he could do and why, October 7, 2003, was one of the best days in Lex's life. The knowledge had created a kind of instantaneous sense of responsibility and defensiveness that Lex could only remember feeling during the short life of his brother, Julian.

That autumn, Lex learned what it was to become the confidant and enabler to a flesh and blood superhero. It wasn't as easy as he had thought, considering he had to balance his own life and business in there somewhere too. He was also beginning get a deeper understanding of the superhero allure; his years of Warrior Angel reading may have lain a foundation, but he hadn't quite been prepared for the sheer sexuality Clark exuded as he saved the denizens of Smallville.

Superheroic was sexy. His superheroic best friend was sexy.

The night it struck him that his date, Michella from Metropolis, wasn't as sexy as his best friend, Lex began to feel a niggling worry. The next weekend he had Michella bring her friend Laura to Smallville. Between the two of them, literally and figuratively, he was caught in the moment and didn't give a thought to his sexy superhero cum best friend.

The next day, when Clark lost his shirt to a particularly nasty meteor mutant, Lex barely noticed the rise and fall of his friend's chest, or the way his cheekbones became sharper, his eyes darker. Not noticing this was probably for the best, since Clark was covered in soot and some kind of slime which was sliding its way down his six pack and to the waistband of his jeans. The slime left a trail darker than the faint wisps of hair that grew down that thin line on Clark's chest.

Lex only spared a moment's thought on the frayed denim around the button fly.


A few weeks later, arriving at Clark's Fortress of Solitude, Lex found his friend sitting on that awful sofa, staring out into the fields.

"Clark?"

Clark turned around and looked at him, then dropped his eyes, a faintly nervous look on his face.

"Clark, what's wrong?" It was then that Lex noted the alien tablet that had come in his spaceship in his friend's hands. "Clark?"

Still not meeting Lex's eyes, Clark looked down at the worn planks of the floor, one large hand flexing as he put the pad down on the apple crate that sat next to the sofa.

"Lex... you said you'd do anything for a friend, right?" Quick look up, then back down to the fascinating barn floor. "Anything for me?"

"Of course. What's wrong, are you in trouble?" Lex began to dig his cell phone out of his coat pocket; he'd already decided that any situation involving Clark would be better handled by his personal lawyers, they were more attuned to the fine points of Smallville life.

Clark sighed and leaned back on the sofa, and Lex moved to sit on the other end, waiting.

"There's a ritual that the people on my planet have to undergo. A coming of age type of thing."

"Like a Bar Mitzvah?"

Clark looked over at his telescope, and Lex could hear him mutter under his breath, but could only make out the words 'more' and 'circumcision'. Clark turned back to him, his cheeks flushing. " Kind of. I need some help with it, and if you're willing, I really want you to help me with it. I talked to my folks about it, and they're... well, they're not happy about the whole thing, but they agreed that you'd be the best person to help."

His mind racing, Lex nodded in agreement, not thinking past the fact this was Clark, his best friend, sexy superhero, almost brother, who needed something. If the Kents were willing to let Lex give it to him, it had to be important.

"What is it that you need, Clark?" Lex pocketed the cell and pulled his Palm out of his other pocket, stylus at the ready.

"I have to undergo the Dorzin Marjin, and I'd like you to be the Marjinor."

Lex raised an eyebrow encouragingly, wondering if he'd have to get a caterer for this, starting to key up Manolo's on the Palm. Alfonso's had done an amazing job at his ill-fated wedding reception; the cut-crystal nut cups had been an inspired keepsake. He wondered if they could do the same for this. Champagne, hors d'oeuvres... Or maybe the Kents would prefer to keep this folksy; there was always the BBQ company Lionel used when he was slumming.

Clark sighed and looked resigned. "I need you to break my ass hymen."

It was only Clark's superheroically quick reflexes that saved the Palm before it hit the floor.


Lex was to find out, in the next week, that it hadn't been a joke. Indeed, the final ritual of manhood for Kryptonian boys was a ceremonial breaking of the ass hymen. This little factor of Kryptonian physiology had been explained by the vid file of Clark's birth father, a huge man in a Devo-like dayglo jumpsuit with white hair. If Lex never heard him talk about Clark's ass again, even in the abstract, it would be too soon.

It was the true measure of his Luthor-ness that he could manage to organize his life as quickly as he had. Giving up more control than he had ever thought possible, he entrusted the crap factory in the able hands of Gabe Sullivan and put his personal assistant on crisis watch at LexCorp. Then he told his father he was taking a personal week and would have no time to play blind man's bluff, all while spending the next few days in and out of the Kent house, much to Jonathan's continuing horror.

If Lex had to, he'd be willing to guess that Jonathan Kent had thought he'd run at the very idea of participating in this particular ritual. And while he had had a few moments of introspection, Lex had said he'd do anything for his friend, and he'd meant it. He and Clark had a destiny. If to fulfill that destiny he had to break Clark's ass hymen in an alien ritual, well, he'd do it.

The catering idea, of course, had been nixed almost immediately. Jor-El said that there was a great deal of feasting and partying on the day of the Dorzin Marjin, but that was Krypton, this was Kansas. Lex couldn't see this as a crudite and caviar on toast points event, even in Smallville. Though he did order a few bottles of good champagne, just because it seemed the thing to do; the odds seemed pretty high that someone in the Kent house would have to be drunk at some point, either in the before, the during, or the after. Virgin ass at seven, cocktails at eight, and homemade muffins for breakfast seemed very civilized and keeping in the spirit of the whole ass hymen ritual

The day of the Dorzin Marjin was a beautiful Kansas day, warm and sunny. That evening Lex was in the farmhouse guest room, dressing in the ceremonial garb that Martha had sewn for him. Down the hall, Clark was getting dressed in his own room. They would be conducting the ritual itself here in the guest room, but first there was a short ceremony to go through with Clark's parents.

Downstairs, Jonathan looked like he hadn't slept; the circles under his eyes accentuated by the red and blue turban and green satin jumpsuit he was wearing. It hadn't helped that Jor-El had been so damned cheerful about his son's ascendance to manhood, Jonathan seemed to be taking personal affront to that. Martha, in a matching green dress, looked beautiful and seemed steadfastly determined that everything was fine. Lex supposed that she'd had enough years to figure out that eventually her alien son would be something of, well, an alien.

Standing in the Kent's living room, under a quilted canopy of pink and orange chenille, the closest thing they had been able think of to resemble the fur of the Sacred Kryptonian Marmosed, the words of the Dorzin Marjin were spoken with a Kansas accent. After the final ringing of the ceremonial gong, Lex followed Clark, who was dressed in a shimmering blue robe with a red cape, up the stairs. In the guest room, Martha had made and spread over the bed another sheet in the garish El family colors. As the door closed, Lex looked at Clark, who smiled at him as he crawled onto the bed, pulling the robe up.

Thing of legend, indeed.


Standing in his ceremonial finery, a white satin suit, the design of which had probably been a televangist's wet dream back in the seventies, Lex looked at his best friend. There was little dignity available in this situation, really. Lex could only be grateful that the ass hymen breaking itself was done with only the breaker and breakee in the room.

Lex knew his limits, and getting an erection with Jonathan Kent looking on was definitely beyond them. Not to mention the whole ass thing... Lex had always considered himself open to all things sexual, and there was a faint recollection of a sculpted young man with amazing tattoos from a hazy weekend in Hong Kong, but this was... well, new territory was one way to put it.

Beyond the casual and the hazy two-week period of his courtship, marriage, and annulment, the last time Lex'd had meaningful sex he'd had to make sure he talked enough in his sleep afterward to give Victoria the false passwords on this computer. This was something... else.

Clark shifted on the mattress and Lex pulled himself from his thoughts as he turned over and looked at him. "Lex?" Clark was still staring at him, and Lex realized that even without the superheroics he was interested, and that ass was all his.

In a purely sociologically responsible and culturally respectful way.

Lex opened the box Jonathan had given him downstairs at the end of the litany. Inside there was one black leather glove, a slim metallic wand, and a tube of Astroglide. Ruthlessly, he suppressed the urge to laugh at the Michael Jackson imagery that was currently warring in his mind with the image of Jonathan Kent buying a tube of lube and pair of black leather gloves at Fordman's. Idly, he wondered how long the store kept the tape from the security cameras.

Green eyes watched him carefully from the bed as he put the box down on the small desk in the corner and slowly pulled the glove on, stretching the tight leather over his hands, flexing his fingers. Plain old cowhide, nothing exceptional, but for tonight it was the Marjinoriz, the Glove of Preparation. He made a fist, and the still taut leather cracked as it stretched over his knuckles, a low sound coming from the figure on the bed.

Clark was staring at him again as he stood between the two large pillar candles in blue, red, and yellow that rested on two short marble columns Lex had sent over from the mansion, curious eyes drifting from his leather-clad hand down to his white slacks. Instinctively, Lex knew that Clark was looking through the fabric.

"Clark, are you ready to begin?"

As he watched, those large hands went to the yellow belt of Clark's robe. The blue front panels of the robe pulled tight over his chest, the shimmering hem vivid against tanned and muscled legs. Lex could feel his cock, encased in the white satin, twitch as the sigil, which looked like a large S, embroidered on the front of the robe in gold, broke apart and the robe fell from Clark's broad shoulders.

Everything Lex knew about sex disappeared in that second as his knowledge of Clark Kent expanded in an eyeful of desirable flesh.

Long body, muscled and perfect, cock rising from a smattering of dark hairs, the head dark with blood, the shaft long and hard. Clark had always attracted him, hell, everyone, but seeing the whole package, Lex spared a minute to wonder if once you went Kryptonian you never went back. The look in Clark's eyes made him cross the room, lube held tightly in his gloved hand.

There was just the slightest tremor in those broad, long fingered hands clasping knees that managed to be knobby and sexy all at once, so Lex opened the bag he had brought with him from the mansion and pulled out a wine bottle shaped cooler. A second later two frosted crystal flutes from a padded box sat waiting on the table. Sure, it may be cliche, but there had been nothing in the rules to say that the breaking of the ass hymen had to be done without any alcoholic assistance.

The bottle of Dom Perignon opened smoothly in his practiced hands, and Lex poured and handed Clark a glass. Some might call it a romantic gesture, but Lex would be sure to crush them beneath his heel if they dared do it to his face. There was something still attractive about the story that he was here to do this as Clark's best friend, made it easier -- noble, even.

Virgin in more ways than one, Clark gulped the champagne down, that faint blush still coloring his cheeks. Lex only managed a sip of his own before moving to stand between Clark's open knees, gently pulling the dark hair and lifting that beautiful face. The ass hymen was the goal, but Jor-El had made it clear that pleasure was essential in the Dorzin Marjin, fulfilling the Kryptonian belief that the transition to adulthood was a good and pleasurable event.

A little foreplay, Lex thought as he leaned in to taste those full lips, was the least he could do in the interest of keeping this particular aspect of Kryptonian culture alive.

Strong but careful hands were curled at his hips, pulling him so he followed Clark down onto the bed. Pulling his lips away from Clark's, the taste of his friend's mouth becoming part of him deep inside, Lex sat astride that powerful body, the white satin suit hiding nothing as they continued to touch.

Getting to know each other this time in some ways reflected their first meeting; Clark had breathed life back into Lex, should have died himself were it not for his powers. Now all that history was in play as they completed Clark's journey to manhood. They were unconsciously extrapolating what turned them on when they were alone, and the results were amazing, touches leading to groans, kisses so deep that the only thing they could do was rub against each other, trying to get closer.

Clark responded best when Lex ran his thumbs teasingly over dusky nipples, the needful upward push of his hips sliding against Lex's satin encased cock that was quickly becoming unbearable. Actually getting out of his ceremonial garb hadn't been brought up in the vid files, but Lex was willing to defer to the last Kryptonian in this case, and rolled his hips, his cock rubbing against Clark's as blunt fingers began to work the buttons of his shirt. But the contact was too little, a quick shift and Lex was pulled down by his tie for another deep kiss.

One hand was cupping his ass, tongues warring as they pressed against each other. Clark's tongue was brushing against Lex's, need flowing easily and desperately between them, when Clark went still, pulling away from Lex and looking in the direction of the window.

Lex turned to follow his gaze, his first thought that if there was another Kryptonian out there who wanted to break Clark's ass hymen, they'd better just forget it. They'd had their chance and they'd sent Clark to Lex. Seeing nothing at the window, Lex looked back at Clark.

"Clark?"

"I heard a scream," Clark replied, cocking his head and looking intently through the window. He bolted upright a second later, Lex sliding off his lap and onto the satin ritual bed dressings. "Something's wrong at Lana's," he told Lex as he pulled the robe back on. Without another word, Clark was out the bedroom door, and Lex could hear the back porch door slam shut.

Blinking, Lex tried to follow what had just happened. He had put on a silly suit to perform an alien ceremony, the point of which was to break his best male friend's ass hymen. There had been foreplay, which had gone unsettling well for two apparently only theoretically straight guys. And just when the nudity was starting in earnest, Clark disappeared to save his former crush.

Dressed in a shiny blue robe with a red cape attached.

Cold logic working its evil on his erection, Lex swiftly got up off the bed and straightening his clothes, started down the stairs to follow Clark. An obviously perturbed Jonathan Kent met him halfway up the steps, Martha standing at the bottom landing, looking up them, her eyes dark with concern.

"What the hell did you do to my son?" Jonathan bellowed, predictable in a way Lex found depressingly normal. Unfortunately, Lex couldn't even give the proper response, a delicate form of 'I fucked your son in a bizarre alien ass hymen breaking ritual'.

"Clark said there was something wrong over at the Lang place and ran off," Lex told the, continuing down the stairs both to find Clark and to avoid Jonathan's icy glare. Martha was saying something to Jonathan as Lex ran out the door to the Ferarri. A second later he was burning a layer of rubber on the gravel of Hickory Lane on his way to Lana's.


Not many people could understand Smallville, Lex had long ago decided, after the invisible boy, the two mind benders, and the mutant cows. His acquaintances in Metropolis had everything, nightclubs, restaurants, five star hotels, but Smallville had castles, mutants, and crap factories. The only thing that put Smallville in the running was one Clark Kent, who was, as Lex pulled into the Lang drive, flying backward out the haymow door and into the pond.

The Ferrari's headlights shone on Pete and Lana, working to unfurl a hose at the spigot, while in the shadows he could see two other figures running from the side of the house, carrying what looked like buckets. Lex ignored them -- they weren't his concern at the moment.

"Clark," he yelled, slamming on the brake and running to the pond, breathing a sigh of relief as Clark, the bright robe clinging to his long legs, got back up again. Clark spared him a quick glance, but a strange howling sound from the barn caught everyone's attention. Checking to make sure the rest of his friends weren't watching, Clark supersped to the barn, speeding between the doors before his friends knew what they were seeing.

Hoping to distract them, Lex ran up to join the group by the barn, understanding now what Pete and Lana had been doing at the spigot. There was a small fire raging at the back of the barn. Lex recognized Chloe's boyfriend Wally as he ran by to grab another bucket of water from the faucet on the house, just as Pete and Lana came over with the hose.

"Nice suit," the Met U student told Lex with a smirk, throwing the bucket toward the house as Pete dragged the gushing hose over.

Looking down, Lex frowned slightly, he had forgotten he was dressed in his ceremonial finery. Whatever Clark was fighting up in the barn howled again, crashing against the wall, sending clapboards flying to the ground. Lana and Pete continued to fight the fire, winning as the flames began to die down.

Wally, Lex, and Chloe ran around to the front of the barn, and it was only Lex's Smallville-honed survival instinct that made him pull Chloe and Wally back, just as a huge four-legged creature landed on the ground, falling from the open haymow door. It whimpered, then growled angrily, and as they watched, jumped straight back up, long, sharp teeth flashing. Its tail disappeared into the barn, a ball of fluff at the end quivering with rage.

"What the hell was that?" Wally shouted, his voice an octave above normal.

Chloe looked thoughtful, and Lex couldn't help thinking that you could take the girl out of Metropolis and put her into mutant central, but even that would fail to faze her at a certain point. "Looked like Cooter's show poodle, Fluffy."

"Poodle?" Wally gaped. "It was the size of a horse. And glowing green!"

Anywhere but Smallville, Chloe's casual shrug would be totally inappropriate to the situation. "Welcome to Smallville. Fluffy's usually dyed pink anyway," she said before swinging around and looking at Lex. "What should we do?"

Lex looked around, his eyes lighting on a piece of equipment sitting to the side of the barn. Chloe followed his gaze, her eyes widening. "Lex, we can't..." she stopped as the growling got louder and the sound of wooden rafters being snapped between huge jaws. "Okay, we can."

"Come on," Lex told them, and they ran between the buildings. Lex and Wally lifted while Chloe guided them, pulling when needed. A minute later and they positioned it where the meteor mutant had landed. "How the hell..." Lex muttered as he looked for the on switch.

Chloe pushed him out of the way impatiently and flipped the key, pointing at the ripcord. "Pull," she said, and Lex did, getting a firm grip with his gloved hand and yanking the cord, breathing a sigh of relief when the engine began to whir noisily.

"Chloe!" Lana yelled from around the corner of the barn, and Chloe and Wally ran to help the other couple put out the fire. Turning, Lex saw Clark in the door to the haymow, looking down, and meeting his friend's eyes, even in the dark, Lex knew Clark had figured out the plan.

Then there wasn't any more time to think, and Lex saw Clark zip out of sight as the mutant changed him. Its head snapped around as it fell out the haymow door, and it growled as it fell into the open maw of the wood chipper. Lex turned as quickly as he could, but the wind still managed to spray him with blood, his white suit becoming red and sticky in seconds.

Looking up, he saw Clark staring down in horror, his chest heaving, his face covered with dust and dirt. The robe was hanging open, even while still tied. Holding his gloved hand up, Lex watched the red fluid ooze down, a bemused look stealing over his face as he fought the urge to laugh hysterically.

"Oh, my god, Lex, are you okay?"

Lex turned as Chloe's voice penetrated his fascination with the mess on his ceremonial 'Kryptonian' garb. She looked down after a second of the Patented Luthor Glare, but Wally never lost his smirk. What the hell was with that kid anyway? Who thought a guy covered in mutant poodle blood was amusing?

"It's not my blood," he clarified and turned his attention back to the mess around them.

Chloe bent down and picked something up, showing it to Wally. "Red toenail polish. Definitely Fluffy." Wally just looked a bit green as Chloe tossed the toenail back to the ground.

Pete came round the corner, his clothes wet and dirty; he stared at Lex for the longest time, then just went over and turned the spigot off. Clark was readjusting the robe when Chloe turned her attention from Pete, who was turning the chipper off, back up to the door of the haymow.

A quicksilver flash of jealousy went through Lex, and he did the only thing to come to mind. "Is that a plane?" Lex yelped, pointing in the opposite direction.

"Where?" Chloe and Pete chorused, looking into the darkness.

"Looked more like a bird to me," Wally replied, raising an eyebrow at Lex, nodding in the direction of the barn, that damned smirk never fading.

"Where's Clark?" Pete asked as he turned his attention back to the barn.

"Right here," Clark replied as he walked up to their motley group, everyone dirty and disheveled, Lex the worst off, bloody and grimy. Thankfully, the robe was closed, the long, red back panel singed, but fluttering slightly as he walked. The sigil had been scratched off, looking like nothing more than a mess of yellow thread.

"What on Earth are you wearing?" Chloe asked, her pale brows rising up into her hairline.

"Ummm..." Clark looked down, his face turning a rosy shade of red. "Mom was having me try this on when I saw the fire," he finally answered. "It's for the Christmas Pageant at church."

Wally turned at took another look at Clark in the light of the open barn doors, then back at Lex. "Andrew Lloyd Weber?"

Lana came around the side of the bard, holding an ice pack on her wrist. She immediately tried to make peace, ignoring Lex's low growl. "I really don't think that's you, Clark. Not that you don't look super in it."

"Everyone okay?" Lex asked, attempting to divert attention from Clark.

Pete nodded. "I think so. This wasn't as bad as the fire out at the O'Leary place last month."

"Fire at the O'Leary place?" Wally questioned, turning away from the blowing fluffs of green-glowing pink poodle fur he had been watching. "Let me guess; the cow kicked over a lantern."

Pete grinned at him. "No, they got a hold of Mr. O'Leary's lighter."

"Mr. O'Leary's lighter," Wally echoed faintly.

Lana nodded. "Opposable thumbs. On their hooves. They were lighting..." she waved a hand in the air.

Pete snickered before taking pity on his embarrassed girlfriend. "Cows are like frat boys. They were lighting farts."

"Lighting farts. The cows." Wally turned to look at Chloe.

"It's true," she said with a shrug as the rest of them exchanged glances.

"Cows and poodles. Do I really want to know what happens to the people in this town?"

"Probably not," Lex answered, wanting nothing more than to get back to the farm. Clark only nodded while Lex silently dared Wally to say anything else. When it was clear that things were as back to normal as Smallville was capable of, Lex turned to Clark. "Come on, Clark. I'll give you a ride home." Lex looked down at his ruined clothes, the blood congealing. "Lana, do you have a few old towels you could spare?"

A few minutes later, Clark and Lex were in the Ferrari, the towels protecting the leather from their filthy clothes.

"Bet you never saw this coming," Lex said as he turned back onto Hickory Lane.

"It's always something," Clark replied, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.


Martha and Jonathan were on the back porch waiting when Lex parked the car in the back of the house.

"What happened?" Martha demanded as she flew down the steps, stopping short as they climbed out of the car. "Clark? Lex?" She gasped as they emerged into the back porch lights.

Jonathan hadn't said a word, just watched as they climbed the steps, Martha walking backwards, still staring. Though really, Lex thought, what exactly was there to say about their appearance?

"Cooter's Fluffy got into some meteor chow," Clark replied as he opened the kitchen door. He headed straight to the fridge and took out a blue bottle of Ty Nant for Lex, bought especially for this occasion, and handed it to him. Lex twisted the bottle open as Clark took out a glass quart bottle of milk and drained it with a few gulps.

"But..." Martha waved a hand in Lex's direction.

"Woodchipper," Lex said shortly, refusing to elaborate further.

"Is everyone okay?" Martha asked, obviously too rattled to demand that Clark use a glass.

"Just a few bumps and bruises," Lex replied after a deep drink of the water, washing the faint taste of poodle blood from his mouth. "Wally, Chloe, and Pete were there to help put the fire out."

"Fire?" Jonathan finally bit out, a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand and a couple of glasses waiting on the table.

Lex saw Clark's head perk up; they both knew that when stuff like this happened, Jonathan's first reaction was to defend Clark, usually by attacking the closest member of the Luthor clan. Looking over at Lex, standing at the counter, his clothes stained red, his skin still tinted pink where he couldn't wipe all the poodle blood off, Clark sighed. How his dad could deny it was the meteor rocks...

"Fluffy was breathing green fire, as well as being three times her original size. She was chasing Princess," Clark added, referring to Nell's purebred Persian. He stuck a finger through one of the holes in his robe, and it popped out of the hole next to it. "Sorry, mom," he said, looking over at his mother.

"As long as you two are unhurt, that's all that matters." She snuck a look at Lex under her lashes; he caught the look and smiled faintly.

With a sigh, Lex put his empty bottle down on the counter, the blue glass clinking against the tile. A glass of Jack Daniels was set down next to it, and Lex looked up in surprise at Jonathan.

"You look like you could use it," the older man said with a shrug.

"Come on, Lex." Clark grabbed a handful of bloodstained satin and pulled Lex, who grabbed his glass just in time, after him and up the stairs. "You can bring your drink," Clark soothed as Lex let himself be pulled out of the kitchen, barely noticing the elder Kents averting their gazes as their son pulled his soon-to-be-lover up the stairs.

The upstairs bathroom was warm, cheerily decorated in the same country motif that stopped just short of kitsch as the rest of the farmhouse. Once locked inside, Lex gave up his glass for the few seconds it took Clark to remove his suit. Watching the red stained satin being stuffed down the laundry chute, he could only muster up the energy to feel slightly annoyed by the events of the evening, currently focusing on the part where he had left the house dressed as Oral Roberts' younger, balder brother.

The night had started with such promise, Lex continued to dwell as he was once again separated from his glass and pushed over to the tub. A quick lift and he was inside, still pondering exactly where the evening went wrong. He was pretty sure it was when Clark had run out of his bedroom to face a mutated green glowing pink French show poodle named Fluffy.

He'd be willing to bet Jor-El hadn't seen that coming.


Warm water flowed over them, turning red before swirling down the drain. Lex leaned back into Clark as a soapy washcloth slid over his skin, scrubbing the dried blood away, leaving him clean. One hand rested low on his belly, gently massaging in slow circles. Lex sighed as the weight of Clark's chin settled on his shoulder, wet hair tickling his ears. The solid warmth of Clark's growing erection rested in the small of his back, comforting and arousing.

Turning, he gave Clark access to his front, his eyes falling shut as the spray massaged his neck and Clark worked on his front, the washcloth nubby but comforting on his skin. Slow, long strokes over his chest and abdomen, stopping just short of his cock. Lex could feel Clark moving, stepping just a little closer; then a strong hand tentatively traced the length of his erection, following it to the root, cupping his balls.

Gentle squeeze that was almost too gentle as Lex slid his own hand around to stroke and slide down the wet skin of Clark's back. His own fingers danced over muscled ass cheeks, then tauntingly over the cleft, smiling as Clark squeezed a little rougher. Lips, shower wet and body warm, were on his, aggressive and needy. One step closer and their erections were sliding against each other, flesh hard and insistent, quivering as large hands wrapped around, slick liquid soap helping to heighten the friction.

Low, growling moans filled the space behind the shower curtain as Lex ran his thumb lightly over a nipple as his other hand reached down to slip between firm cheeks. Clark sighed into Lex's mouth, his body shaking, his hold on their cocks tightening as his whole body contracted, wanting, needing, more.

The shower wall was cool against Lex's back, not warm and solid like Clark had been, nothing like the comforting heat of the water. He opened his eyes only to see the green of Clark's staring back at him. Running his hands up Clark's ass, then his back, up into the dark hair, he pulled Clark closer, and the kiss began again in earnest, searching and deep.

Clark gasped into Lex's shoulder as he pulled away, pulling in breath like no invulnerable being ever should. Lex could feel a soft hum as their skin touched, as Clark began to kiss and suck his way over Lex's neck and scalp, kissing the smooth skin just above his eyebrows, down his ears. A nip on the lobe that wasn't as gentle as it should have been, and Lex's hand couldn't help but slip between them, feeling Clark hesitate before relaxing into the thrusts again.

Warm, hard flesh times two and Clark wove his fingers with Lex's before they began to stroke in time, pushing against each other, and he knew there'd be bruises tomorrow where the back of his thigh was slamming into the built-in soap dish. Small noises in the back of his own throat, but Clark seemed to understand -- broad, powerful hands slid under his ass, lifting him as they continued to move their hips, the rhythm faltering. Lex let go and curled his fingers in that dark hair and opened his lips for that final kiss before coming, feeling Clark lunge against him one last time before he came too, pressing as close as he could.


One of the things being rich made you forget was that regular people have only a limited amount of hot water at any one time; there were seven hot water heaters at the mansion and huge jacuzzi tubs to fill. Clark had been leaning into Lex, pressing him against the shower wall for what felt like forever when he noticed the chill over his skin. As the cool water began to flow over them, Lex shivered. Clark was still wrapped around his front, warm and solid, but the rapidly cooling water was quickly leeching even that warmth away.

Thick and absorbent line-dried towels, soft and smelling of fabric softener felt good as they dried off. Clark peered down toward the kitchen, and nodding, grabbed Lex's arm and pulled him down the hall to his bedroom.

The towels fell in a heap on the floor as Clark pushed Lex against the door, the kiss already deep by the time Lex managed to wrap his arms around broad shoulders, pulling him closer. There was a light sheen on their skin when they broke apart, Clark resting his forehead against Lex's, breathing heavily.

"Clark?"

No answer, just a curve of faintly kiss-bruised lips that meant Clark was both amused and slightly embarrassed. Lex didn't need to look down to know to add aroused to the list, he could feel that against his belly, his own cock began to surge again, hard and hot. He walked Clark backward, smiling as Clark dropped to the bed, holding Lex between his knees as he leaned forward to nuzzle and nip.

Clark's head resting against his chest, soft breath against his skin, Lex knew it was time. They both understood that this was more than a ritual of another world, it was time to start on the next part of their destiny. He carded his fingers through the dark hair and gently pushed Clark back, getting only a smile, a mixture of both anticipation and concern, for his trouble. He followed Clark down, trapping him between his thighs as he sat astride Clark's hips.

Starting with his hands on Clark's belly, he leaned down and forward, letting his hands tease muscles, then peaked nipples. Slow tweaking that had Clark lifting his hips, and Lex, off the bed, whimpering in the back of his throat as his head thrashed against the coverlet. Lex waited until Clark had stilled, then leaned in again, erections safe between their bodies, hips twisting and surging against each other for added friction until Lex had to rear back or lose control.

Breathing heavily, he let Clark cup his cheek, those long fingers gentle against the smooth skin. "Lex, please," Clark moaned, and Lex gave into the urge to turn into the hand, biting and licking the salty skin.

"Stay here," he told Clark, not that there was anywhere either of them would ever want to be more. Reaching for the box still on the table, Lex frowned as he realized that the glove had gone the way of the rest of his ceremonial garb, gore coated and in no way appropriate for this. He considered his options.

"Lex? What's wrong?"

"The glove, it went down the chute with the suit."

"Oh." Clark considered. "Can we make do without it? You know, just do this on the fly?"

Lex let out an unconscious sigh of relief. "Yeah, I think that'd be the best. It's not like there's anyone to make sure, right? Because I'm not going to go ask your father for the other glove, Clark. I'm not."

Clark returned his wry smile and extended a hand as he slid back on the satin sheets, placing himself in the middle of the inverted triangle that held the El family crest. Pulling the Astroglide and the final Kryptonian artifact out of the box, Lex took the proffered hand and let Clark pull him back onto the bed.

No hesitation at all on Clark's part, he opened his legs and waited impatiently until Lex was kneeling between thickly muscled thighs. Lex couldn't help put run a hand over the golden skin, the tickle of the faint hairs making him smile. A slow ache was starting to spread from his cock, if he wasn't already on his knees he would have fallen soon enough.

The first touch of his hand on Clark's cock was rewarded with a moan as hips snapped up, following Lex's hand. Demanding more as his body attuned to Lex, shaking as the caress continued down the shaft, cupping the balls, a gentle prod toward satisfaction.

"Lex," Clark grunted as one hand reached for him.

"Shhhh," Lex replied, gentling him with another stroke down the hard length, this time cupping his fingers around the head for a second, using his palm to massage the pre-come into the skin. Clark writhed as Lex picked up the slim metal object he had taken from the box in his other hand, pressing the small divot in the side. The sides fanned out, the metal already warm to the touch, shockingly soft, as if it had adapted for this duty.

Martha had looked surprised when the vid file had mentioned this item, what Jor-El had called the 'Kobashi Maru, the Object of First Insertion'. At Clark's query about it, Martha had looked toward the kitchen, mentioning she had seen it somewhere. The next day it had turned up and Martha had told them she had put it in the box with the rest of the ceremonial items.

Watching Clark's reaction to the feathers of alien metal being stroked along his cock, Lex was eternally grateful they had been able to find it. Clark never stopped moving, one hand at his mouth and Lex could see him biting his fingers. Curiosity getting the better of him, he touched one of the feathers to his own cock, not ready for the jolt of sensation that slammed through him. It was like the most delicate touch in the world times a thousand after being wrapped in velvet, and he understood why the muscles in Clark's leg and belly were trembling.

Lex leaned down, letting the Kobashi lightly touch skin on the way up Clark's torso, circling around one nipple as he licked the other. Holding it just above the moistened nub, Clark moaned loudly as the faintest of touches tormented him. Up to his lips, pushing his hand away for a long wet kiss. Tongues warring in the best possible way as he slid his hips against the writhing form beneath him.

The wetness against his belly told Lex that it was time to stop the slow tease, and breathing heavily, he put the Kobashi down, flicking the feathers closed, ignoring Clark's frustrated whimper. He reached for and opened the tube of lube, warming it in his hands before sliding his hands down his cock, which strained and quivered at the touch, the sensations ignited by the Kobashi still tingling through him. Clark met his gaze and pulled his legs up, opening himself even more to Lex. So many implications in that position, past and present blending as Lex slid body-warmed lube around the little opening, taking a deep breath before slipping one finger in.

Clark's hips were off the mattress as he pulled out, the large body shimmying against the satin, Lex's name a refrain falling from his lips. Lex felt the pull, the need, and the Kobashi was in his hand again, lube coating the closed feathers as he lined it up and pushed it in.

Leaning forward, canting slightly, Lex took Clark's lips the second before he opened the feathers, and following Jor-El's instructions, twisted. He swallowed Clark's scream, holding himself steady, knowing it was pleasure, not pain by the way Clark's hips never stopped snapping upward, how his hands pulled on the sheets.

Lex recognized his own name in a moan and now it was for himself, not just for Clark, that he pulled the Kobashi back and slid down to line himself up, slowly pushing the blood dark head inside. Inside Clark. Invulnerable boy and Lex tested up one side and down the other since his annulment, there was no fear, no need for anything between them. He pushed his lover toward the goal, and on a level not totally conscious, Lex swore he felt Clark's body inside change, and he knew the second he found the ass hymen and pushed through.

Clark groaned; his body held rigidly still, hips raised as he pressed his head down into the mattress. A long sigh and green eyes opened and a slow smile spread over that beautiful face. Too intense, too much meaning in one look, and Lex pulled back, tracing the sharp line of Clark's cheeks, then down his jaw. Closing his eyes and focusing on breathing, he turned his attention to the thrust, to the fuck, to the lovemaking, feeling his orgasm approaching but wanting Clark to fly first.

Grunt of a growl and he looked back up the long, lean body, and saw total concentration on Clark's face, unlike any he'd ever seen before. One long leg extended out and curled around his back, pulling him closer, assuring him of Clark's need and want.

"Lex..." A low growl of need, and Lex slid forward, his cock inside, held close in the tight heat as he found Clark's lips again. Down was up and up was down and Clark's tongue was in his mouth, returning every thrust of his cock right back to him. Slow, cautious rhythm became harder and complete as Lex found the right angle as Clark stroked himself.

He needed to come, the pressure was too intense to survive; the hum when where their skin touched felt like the most wonderful thing, but he needed fulfillment -- now. Tremors from Clark's cock, wet come on his chest, on Clark's belly, then Clark was sitting up, his arms sliding around Lex, holding him close. In the next second, Lex could feel heat, turned away just in time to see first the right candle, then the left, burst into flame, the wick burning high, then damping down. Clark wrapped around him, holding him tight and close and Lex looked back at Clark, meeting glazed eyes and growled as he joined Clark in flight.


The room smelled heavily of candle wax and sex when Lex decided he could spare the energy to come back down. He was lying on Clark, still inside, strong arms around him, one on his shoulder, one lightly resting on his ass. He shivered, and a second later, a corner of blue satin was pulled over him.

"Nice thing, with the candles," Lex said before licking a corner of shoulder that just seemed to need licking.

"Mmmmm. Dad'd be proud," Clark muttered into his temple.

Lex lifted head and looked at him. "Do I want to know?"

"Nah. There's just a reason we're not doing this in the barn."

Much better not to know, Lex decided, starting to shift in Clark's arms. Clark breathed out as Lex pulled back, pulled free. One look in those green eyes by candlelight and Lex knew he was needed, knew he wanted to touch. He traced a finger over the beginnings of Clark's beard, nipping at the corners of that sweet mouth, post-coital bonelessness leaving them lazy and mellow as they kissed.

Caresses that were all but necessary to life that had nothing to do with the rituals of a long dead planet and its people, kisses that were about something even stronger than destiny. Finally, when they had touched enough for now, Lex shifted to his side, resting his head on a yellow satin pillowcase and faced Clark.

"Why did you choose me?"

"Because I knew if you said yes, there was something there."

Lex traced a cheekbone, down over the strong jaw, finally across full lips. Never letting his gaze falter, Clark opened and his tongue snaked out to tease the finger until it was in his mouth and he could suck.

Wet and warm, fulfilling in a frighteningly right way, and Lex could only lean in and replace his finger with his tongue as their arms curled around each other.


Clark was moving around the room early the next morning. The candles had burned down completely on the marble pillars, but the scents remained. Looking up from the bed, Lex muttered slightly as he turned over, the satin sticking to his chest.

"What time is it?"

"Just after five," Clark said softly, his eyes big as he watched Lex stand up, pulling the sheet away and stretch.

"Chores?"

"Yeah, you don't have to..."

"I want to."

"Oh."

Three seconds into his expedition into Clark's personal space and Lex was being kissed, warm, large hands on his ass pulling him closer, morning erections poking at them. When they broke for breath, Clark looked through the door, then downstairs, and with a grin, pulled Lex out into the hall and back into the tub. Warm water, warmer kisses and soap slick hands made for short work, allowing them to get clean before the hot water ran out this time.

Dressed, they crept downstairs, only to find the elder Kent still dressed in their finery, Jonathan's blue and red turban was falling off his head, his nose buried in Martha's red hair as they lay curled on the sofa.

Clark gave Lex a stern look. "No pictures."

Lex put on his best innocent expression. "Not even of the turban?'

"No."

"Spoilsport."

"Lex..."

"All right, you win." Defeat was worth it, Lex decided, watching as the room lit up with Clark's smile. Besides, his Christmas Card list was definitely not ready for pictures from Lex Luthor's Boyfriend's Ass Hymen Breaking Ceremony. At least not the Business Card list. And he couldn't see his Great Aunt Lucrezia quite getting the point.

"Wake them up," Clark told him softly, already at the screen door. "I'll do the chores and be back in about fifteen minutes."

Lex gaped as Clark closed the door softly. Wake them up. After spending the night with their son, making love to him while they listened. That shouldn't be awkward at all. "Mrs. Kent?" Lex inquired softly, taking the smart man's way out.

Red lashes parted slowly, a confused look for a second, until she noticed the canopy of the Sacred Marmosed behind him, and alertness came back to her quickly.

"Lex?" She slowly disentangled herself from Jonathan. "How did it... go?"

"It ... went." Lex told her softly.

She may not have given birth to Clark, but the soft blush was definitely a Kent family trait. "That's wonderful." She paused as Jonathan snorted in his sleep. "Let's let him sleep until breakfast is ready," she whispered. "He had a long night."

Lex nodded before following Martha into the kitchen, sparing only a single regretful glance at the sight of Jonathan Kent in green satin jumpsuit with a red and blue turban.


Martha had the batters ready to go, so it was just a matter of baking them and bringing tins of Cherry Nut and Banana Nut muffins to the table. The coffee was ready quickly, providing Lex with the needed caffeine courage to wake Jonathan up. Shaking the older man's shoulder, Lex knew the second Jonathan decided not to slam a fist into his face, his first instinct upon waking to a Luthor leaning over him.

The businessman in Lex was distinctly nervous as things continued to go unspoken. The kiss Clark placed on his lips after returning from his chores wasn't mentioned, nor was the fact he never asked to stay to breakfast before sitting down across from Clark at the old pine table.

Clark was on his third muffin when Jonathan's latte machine started to whistle. He began to go through drawers, cursing to himself.

"Dad, what are you looking for?"

Jonathan stood up, closing another drawer in annoyance. "I'm looking for that whisk thing that I use to froth the milk for my lattes."

"I broke it," Martha said swiftly, turning an 'orders will follow soon', look on Lex and Clark.

Turning his attention to another Cherry Nut Muffin, Lex grinned.


Leaving Clark alone wasn't even an option, Lex decided later that afternoon as they sat on the sofa in the haymow. Lex was sitting in the corner of the sofa, copies of The Ledger and Daily Planet on the apple crate at his elbow while Clark was stretched out, his back to Lex's front. He leaned back and sighed contentedly every so often, rubbing against Lex like a large cat.

Pete had called to tell them that everything at Lana's had been cleaned up; Chloe had called a few minutes later with the news that Cooter had called in wanting to run a lost: reward ad for Fluffy at the Ledger. Mutants and ass hymens, all in all, yesterday had been fairly typical Smallville day.

They hadn't told the elder Kents the complete story of Fluffy's gruesome end, and everyone seemed fine with that. The day seemed brighter, the scents cleaner, aside from the pasture, the sunflowers just a bit yellower. The urge to break into a chorus of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' hadn't appeared yet, but at this point, it wouldn't be surprising.

More telling than anything was at the sound of Jonathan's boots on the stairs up to the loft, Clark didn't pull away. He didn't move at his father's raised eyebrow or slight frown, either.

"Clark--" he stopped, and ran a hand through his blonde hair. "I thought this was a ... just a thing you had to do. That it wasn't... going to change you."

Lex could feel Clark's shoulder muscles tighten, but still, he didn't pull away. "It didn't change me. It just... clarified things," his lover replied in a steely tone Lex hadn't heard before.

That was a Kent for you. Life-altering statements in ten words or less.

Jonathan still had that 'gonna get my shotgun, start running now, Lex' look around the eyes, but he seemed to get that this wasn't a battle he could win. "I'm taking your mother to dinner, you boys will be okay on your own?"

"Sure, dad," Clark said as Lex nodded silently.

"Okay. I need to go get dressed then. We'll be back later," Jonathan said as he turned to go. "Probably not too late," he added before he hit the landing.

The boots stopped again, and they looked over the back of the soft to see Jonathan looking at them. "I hope you boys learned something important from this," he told them calmly.

Lex's mind raced with the thing he had learned in the last few hours about Jonathan's son, and was unable to come up with something he could reply with. Anything that mentioned the whole ass hymen thing seemed a bit like tasteless braggadocio. And telling Clark's father that once he had a Kryptonian there was no way he could go back, well. No.

"This just shows when life gives you lemons, you can make lemonade," Jonathan added, his eyes just glancing off Lex's smooth scalp before he continued down the stairs.

"What the hell was that?" Lex asked Clark when the barn door closed behind Jonathan.

Clark shrugged. "I have no idea. I think it was his version of 'you're okay, I'm okay'."

Lex couldn't help but laugh softly, and a second later, Clark joined him. Curling around, Clark began to kiss him, his tongue sliding over Lex's. Breaking for breath, he rubbed his cheek against the soft skin of Lex's jaw. "We can go back to the house when they leave," he whispered against smooth skin.

"How long will they be gone?"

Clark focused through the walls of the barn, and smiled. "Dad's wearing the blue sport coat. He must feel guilty about something; they're going upscale. Olive Garden, so at least an hour and a half."

"He feels guilty?"

"He took her there once a week for two months after the thing with Desiree," Clark said, smiling, then looking down, not sure how Lex would take it.

"Ahh." The sound of the car tires scratching over the drive echoed in the barn, and Lex pushed Clark out of his arms and stood up. "Let's go." Clark followed him closely, frowning when he stopped at the Ferarri.

"Lex?"

"Seventy-five rooms at the castle, Clark," he replied with a grin.

Clark's answering smile lit his whole face as he climbed into the passenger seat. Out of the corner of his eye, Lex could see the expression on that beautiful face turn devilish, a whole new destiny reflected in his radiant smile.



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