Disclaimer: Lana doesn't belong to me, nobody on Smallville does, which is probably a good thing. The lyrics don't belong to me either. Those belong to the insanely sexy Dave Matthews and his band and are from the song "Grey Street" off of their album "Busted Stuff".
Author's Notes: Written for the Crayola Challenge and believe me, it was a bit of a challenge.
Special thanks to my betas, jacyn rebekah/Starcat and Rachel/Rhiannon. ::Hugs:: ::Kisses:: and Pie for you both! You're awesome!
Feedback: Oh, how I love it! Please, let me know what you think.
Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories Staring out on to Grey Street
"She talks about it like it happened yesterday. She was three years old! It's like, hello? Get over it already!" The snide comment was followed by giggles from the rest of the cheerleading squad. Lana backed slowly out of the locker room. Hopefully they hadn't noticed her presence.
Finding herself once again sitting in front of her parents' graves, Lana wondered if she would ever be able to "get over it." She had started telling people more about her parents when she started high school with the hopes that talking about them would be therapeutic. It hadn't been. She still had the nightmare every night, reliving her parent's deaths every time she went to sleep and on top of it all, it seemed she had alienated all of her friends in the process.
It didn't really matter about the cheerleaders anyway. They weren't really friends. Lana had quit the squad a lifetime ago. If they were so pathetic that they couldn't find anything else to talk about, what did she care?
She had honestly tried. In an attempt to start her high school career on "the right foot," as Nell put it, she had joined as many clubs and activities as she could realistically handle. Her boyfriend was one of the sweetest guys in the world. She was popular and pretty and none of it helped. Lana was positive that with everything she had going for her, she shouldn't feel so empty inside.
She thinks, "Hey
How did I come to this?
I dream myself a thousand times around the world, *But I can't get out of this place*"
Contrary to what everyone thought, it hadn't been Whitney's popularity that had drawn Lana to him. It had been his desire and drive to get out of Smallville. He wanted out almost as much as she did. But she hadn't ever told him that and now he had left without her. Whitney had no idea that Lana wasn't perfectly content with small-town life. She was Lana Lang; the town's own fairy princess, homecoming queen, the poster child for wholesome farm-town living. There was not a single person around who had any idea what went on under that serene smile.
More than anything, the thought of Whitney leaving brought with it a wave of guilt, because deep down inside, Lana didn't care. He had always been there for her and yet she had felt an overwhelming sense of relief when he told her he was leaving town. She had felt genuine affection for a moment as she handed Whitney her necklace, but the question of whether or not she would wait for him had been left unanswered. He had left without her. If he was stupid enough to think that she would be sitting at home in Smallville waiting for his return, well, then, he'd learn.
Lana felt a momentary sense of guilt for having such uncharitable thoughts, but it never lasted. She never felt angry or sad or guilty or anything else for long. The emptiness, despair, cold and grey consumed all her other emotions. There was never enough room for the emptiness.
*There's an emptiness inside her*
*And she'd do anything to fill it in*
But all the colors mix together - to grey And it breaks her heart
Maybe that was what had drawn her to Clark. Visibly, he was the outsider that she had always felt like inside. He was awkward and sweet and pretty much worshiped the ground she walked on. Where other people only saw the fairy princess, Lana got the feeling that Clark saw something much deeper. She desperately wanted to see herself as he saw her, wanted to know what the fascination was.
He walked around like some modern day Atlas, bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. There was something desperately lonely in him that struck a chord with Lana. But there was also, surrounding him like a blanket, a sense of optimism, a puppyish charm that made him seem terribly young. He was sweet, kind and respectful of her relationship with Whitney. Clark Kent was quite possibly one of the greatest guys in the world.
Lana's fascination with him had dissipated as quickly as her fascination with Whitney had.
How she wishes it was different
She prays to God most every night
*And though she swears he doesn't listen* *There's still a hope in her he might*
She says, "I pray
But they fall on deaf ears
Am I supposed to take it on myself
To get out of this place"
Ever since she could remember, Lana had prayed for something, anything that would allow her to escape the life she was trapped in. Briefly she thought that the universe had delivered her a savior in the form of Lex Luthor. Lex, with his sophisticated manners and his big-city charm. He smiled at her and tried to shove her into a relationship with Clark. Lana wished that just once Lex would look at her the way he looked at Clark. She was curious if the heat from that gaze would warm her at all.
When Lex had agreed to convert the Talon into a coffee shop, Lana felt a surge of excitement stronger than anything she had felt in years. Lex had provided her with a means of escape. She had been saving money for as long as she could remember and now she could save more. Nell talked about sending Lana away for college, but Lana had other plans. She was leaving Smallville as soon as possible, one way or another.
*There's loneliness inside her*
*And she'd do anything to fill it in*
*And though it's red blood bleeding from her now* It feels like cold blue ice in her heart *When all the colors mix together *- to grey And it breaks her heart
Standing there, facing the tornadoes, Lana had felt excited and extremely terrified. The only other time she had felt so alive was when that stupid flower had sneezed on her. The wind furious around her, the grey clouds swirling together to form a large funnel, an instrument of death on such a grand scale that it demanded awe and respect.
Lana was a Kansas girl, born and raised. Since she was old enough to understand to talk she knew what she was supposed to do to protect herself during a tornado; climb into the ditch and lie down, making herself as flat as possible.
With every nerve ending in her body tingling with excitement, Lana stood up and climbed back into the truck.
*There's a stranger speaks outside her door*
Says take what you can from your dreams
Make them as real as anything
*It'd take the work out of the courage*
But she says, "Please
*There's a crazy man that's creeping outside my door* I live on the corner of Grey Street and the end of the world"
The amount didn't change, no matter how many times she counted it. She could hardly believe it as, she placed the money back in the jar, she had enough to leave Smallville forever. She went to her closet, pulling out the clothes she had only had the guts to wear once. Lana pulled on the tiny top and skirt and zipped up her kneehigh "fuck me" boots.
She studied her reflection for a moment, smiling as she applied the blood-red lipstick. Grabbing her money and her duffel bag, she threw them into her car. Then she crept into Nell's room and stole the pack of cigarettes and lighter Nell thought she didn't know about. There was one more stop she had to make before she left.
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright But all the colors mix together - to grey And it breaks her heart
Lana unlocked the back door to the Talon, disarming the alarm. She walked over to the safe and opened it up. Most of the money had already been deposited in the bank, but there was at least $100 in start-up money for the next morning. When the money was safely in her purse, Lana sat down on one of the stools to light a cigarette.
She looked around the coffee shop. The darkness muted the horrible colors of the wall, but suddenly it was too much. Taking her lighter she walked around the room, setting fire to the curtains and paintings until she was standing in the center of the blazing room.
The vividness of the fire mesmerized Lana. Flames of bright red and orange leapt and dance around her, their heat warming her from the outside in. It was only after she stuffed the lighter back into her purse that she realized the flames had surrounded her, cutting off the back entrance to the shop. Looking around, she realized her only way out was through the front window.
Lana picked up a chair and heaved it, giggling when the entire window shattered from the impact. Jumping through the opening, she turned around to take one last look at the burning building, satisfied as the flames crept higher. She walked to her car, hips swaying defiantly. She was getting the fuck out of Smallville.
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