by Meret

If you haven't read Expectations yet, run and do so now. It's hilarious; plus this won't make much sense otherwise. Here's the link for Expectations:

Title: Moo
Author: Meret
Category: Humor
Rating: PG
Webpage: Disclaimer: These characters are owned by Millar Gough and the WB. No profit is intended.

This was originally intended as a thank you to Beth for her outrageously funny Expectations series. She not only graciously suggested I post it, but provided a helpful suggestion as well. If you haven't read Expectations yet, run and do so now. It's hilarious; plus this won't make much sense otherwise. Here's the link for Expectations:

by Meret

"While Jonathan looked bereft without his cows, everyone else seemed excited about the day to come." Expectations #8 by Beth

Martha looked out at the view from their room as she put her watch on, getting ready for breakfast. "You should have gone walking with me this morning, Jonathan. The sunrise was breathtaking."

"My cows would have liked the sunrise."

She glanced at him sitting morosely on the bed as she walked to the dresser. He was staring at the rich carpeting, waiting for her to finish getting ready. She tried again. "The flowers Lex has in the room are lovely. I'll have to remember to ask him what kind they are."

"My cows would have liked the flowers. I bet they'd taste good."

Frowning slightly, she gave her hair one last pat in front of the mirror before going over to him. He'd been like this ever since they left Kansas. Martha stood between his legs and put her arms around him, tipping his head up for a kiss. She nibbled on that spot behind his ear, hoping to distract him. "We're both rested now, and this place is so romantic. It would be a shame to waste it. How 'bout you and I go skinny-dipping tonight, and then see how strong this bed is? "

"Yeah, my cows would like it if I got roman--"


"What?" He looked up bemused. "What'd I say?"

She backed up and put her hands on her hips, looking intimidating in the way only a redhead can. "Jonathan Sylvester Kent, this is going to stop right now!"

"What'd I do?" he said, his voice squeaking slightly. Martha rarely got mad, but he'd learned a long time ago to be careful when she did.

"I know you hate the fact Clark loves Lex. I know you're uncomfortable with the fact Clark loves any man at all, but this is ridiculous. They already have one child, and are expecting three more. You have to accept it."

"We could help Clark raise the children without Lex. And it's not ridiculous! It's not natural--"

"It's a lot more natural than you saying you want to get romantic with the cows!"

Jonathan gaped at her in shock. "I did not!"

"Yes you did, not one minute ago." She sighed. She didn't want to fight with him today of all days. Stroking his shoulder, she softly combed her other hand through his graying hair. "Honey, you have to accept him. It's past time."

He hugged her, muttering something into her chest.


"I said," looking up at her, "this is all Lex's fault."

"ARRRGH!" She pushed him back flat on the bed and stalked to the door. "Join us when you come to your senses. I'll send food so you don't starve." The door shut behind her with a soft 'bang.'

Jonathan closed his eyes and shook his head back and forth slowly. "Aaaaalll Lex's fault." His cows would have understood that.


Author's Note: I have no idea what Jonathan's middle name really is.

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