Three Things That Will Never Happen to Lana Lang

by mobiusklein

  1. Lana Small

After the meteor storm had killed her sister and her sister's husband, Nell Potter had thought that she would be the one taking care of her niece since she was the only surviving biological relative. However, she was proved wrong when a man named Henry Small stepped forward to claim paternity.

Now his wife Jennifer was very irritated at this turn of events. She had been hankering for a child herself only to find herself about to be saddled by the product of her husband's affair with a married woman. Not only that, but since Lana was a minor celebrity because of her photo on the cover of the Times magazine, this embarrassing turn of events was in the public eye more than it would have otherwise been. "Why don't you let her aunt take her? After all, she knows her niece better than we do."

"I'm her father. I should do what's right."

"This marriage is under enough stress as it is."

"I owe it to her."

After some negotiating between both Nell's lawyer and Henry Small (who represented himself) when the tests showed that he indeed was the biological father, custody of Lana Lang was awarded to Henry.

Lana Small sighed as she sat on a park bench. It was one of the worst days of her life. She often wished that she had been adopted by her aunt Nell, who was living in the glamorous Metropolis with her fabulously wealthy husband. At least SHE would have remembered her birthday unlike her stepmother. Aunt Nell had sent her a card and a present which she received the day before. As for her father, she wondered if he even noticed that she was alive.

She looked at her paycheck from the Beanery. She had been fired because she constantly got the drinks wrong and she was just too slow as a cashier. To make things worse, one of her last orders was handing two lattes to Clark and Chloe who were laughing about something incomprehensible. Wall of what? She thought.

Life sucked when everybody in town knew that your mother had gotten pregnant by your father while they were both married. She heard Tina snicker that she was crying on that magazine cover because she found out she was a bastard.

This just wasn't her day . . . Heck, this just wasn't her life.

2. Revenge is a Deadly Poison

When she found out that the meteor shower had killed her parents, Lana swore that she would make sure her "brother" would never forget it.

Even though her aunt Nell would scold her, she would tease Clark about telling someone about who he really was and how he would be taken away to be experimented on. She enjoyed seeing the look of fear and sadness in his eyes. She told him that he owed her for what happened.

So, when she wanted the apple from the top of the tree, he'd have to get it for her. When Nell was at work, if she wanted him to do her chores, he'd have to do it for her. When she had an errand for him to run, he would have to do it for her even if it meant using his powers. When he made friends with someone she didn't like or thought took too much of his time, she made him drop that person including the blond girl from the city who liked him a bit too much. Having him do whatever whim popped into her head spoiled her for having a boyfriend, even one as handsome and popular as Whitney.

One day, however, Lana went too far. When Nell declared they were moving to Metropolis with Dean, Lana pouted and said that she had no desire to move away from Smallville as it was her home. When she saw the look of relief on Clark's face, she said, "And Clark is going to stay right here and take care of me."


Lana looked at her brother in shock. "What did you say?"

"No, I'm not going to stay here and do what you say for the rest of my life. No matter how hard I try to make up for something I didn't do, you're never going to forgive me. I've spent the last decade trying to make things up to you but you still hate me and you'll always hate me."

"I'll tell on you."

"Go ahead. I can run as far away as I need to so they can't catch me."

"You wouldn't dare abandon me."

"Just try me. I still haven't forgiven you for making me give up Chloe or telling me that I deserved to be a scarecrow."

Lana pulled out her cell phone. She wasn't really going to call the authorities . . . She just wanted him to back down like he always did but then . . . he disappeared . . .

"Clark! Clark! I was joking!"

They looked for him and looked for him but he was gone. And Lana ended up moving with Nell to Metropolis because there was no one in Smallville that wanted her to stay enough to open their home to her.

Ten years later, Lana Lang was put into Belle Reeve for stalking Cal Elliot, Lex Luthor's personal assistant for months, sending harassing phone calls about how he was an alien who killed her parents. It was obvious that she was quite insane.

3. The Harem Widow

When the Alien Overlord came to Earth several years ago, there had been set into place a system where each country would send tribute. Often it was jewels, precious minerals, able men to serve in his army for a set number of years, a group of researchers to work for whatever project he had in mind but sometimes it would be a woman for his harem.

Now the Lang family had trained their daughter Lana to be the "perfect" woman for Kal-El the Emperor. While they knew that almost every single woman in the harem were released and given to a high-ranking official or business man in marriage after two to five years, they hoped that he would make an exception in her case and make her Queen Consort. Of course, they knew that many other families had this idea in mind so they trained her to ride horses, flirt, how to appear her best, and various other things that they knew she'd need to do in a harem environment.

So, it was with great excitement when she was offered to the Overlord to become a member of the Harem. After she was flown and prepared for an audience with the Overlord, she was briefly interviewed by one of his assistants and allowed to see him.

After having seen him, she was much taken with his looks and the power that made people swarm around him to serve him. So, she waited for his call to serve him.

After a while, she noticed that she was not called nor were many of the other women in the harem. True, there were at least a thousand women so it was not likely that such a busy and important man could get to every single one of them especially if he had a favorite. It irked her, however. How could she use her wiles if he was never around for her to exercise them on him?

She started using the other things that she had been taught. She managed to use her talent for deceit and gossip. She quietly denied that another woman was having an affair with a guard while using well-timed pauses to hint the reverse. She kept silent when she knew a woman had a good reason for leaving the fortress grounds because she knew that Kal-El knew her first name. Thus, many of her rivals were banished yet this did not help. No matter how many women were sent away, as many were sent to the harem to replace them.

Also, it still didn't change the fact that much of his time was spent with the Prime Minister, discussing plans on how to change the world. She was jealous of the man even though she paid no heed to the idle rumors she heard about the true nature of the relationship between the minister and the overlord.

The End

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