Clana: The Apocalypse

by mobiusklein

Clark wailed because he had gotten knocked up by Lana Lang. Ever since he had gotten pregnant, his nut sack had shrunk and his mighty oak had turned into a wee willy winkie. Of course once Lana found out that she was the `father' of his child, she gasped like a gold fish, started screaming about `secrets and lies' and made secret plans to abandon the man she once `loved.' I will send him a videotape explaining my decision once I make my escape, she thought.

Unfortunately for her, Kryptonian biology played a nasty trick on her. Since she was the father of the child and exposed to Kryptonian hormones, her body had begun to change its gender. She ended up with a `package' that was even larger than Clark's had been, lost all the fat in her breasts and began developing facial hair around her mouth. Even if she left, it would do her absolutely no good.

Also, Martha had become quite insistent on her getting married to Clark for the sake of the baby. "Marriage," Martha hissed, "is the precious . . . I mean the sacred. The baby must have a father and a mother." Clark was in the background, knitting a pair of pink booties for the baby. Jonathan was in the hospital from suffering another heart attack.

When Lex saw his pregnant former friend, he laughed and laughed because he was ever so slightly evil. As for Chloe, she snarkily congratulated both her friends before she had to run off to keep from busting up in their presence. Pete stopped by to pimp various depilatories and maternity wear.

The End

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