"Unhand Jimmy Onion, you fiend!"

by Shropshire



Disclaimer: Smallville does not belong to me. But 'Super'Loupe; the Early Years' is hitting your screens soon...

Notes: Why yes, I am twelve. Now, can I get on the bus half price?

Series: Third in the vague and accidental Cantaloupe series of shorts. Reading "Of Juice and Justice" and "They saved Dr. Aubergine's brain!" is not necessarily going to assist comprehension of the following, but it will reduce your life expectancy.


"Clark, what the hell is that and what is it doing in my lab?"

"It's a sort of...decoration. The place was so dull and impersonal"

" 'You don't have to be a Mad Scientist to work here, but the brains won't transplant themselves'?

Oh damn.

It's fallen irretrievably into the rubbish bin."

"Hmph. You have no sense of humour, Lex. Here, at least put your coat on."

"Clark, much though I appreciate your one hundred percent support in my career change, I am not going to wear a white lab coat with a fluffy bunny motif- where did you even get one with a bunny motif?-and sleeves that come halfway down my hands. See?"

"But they make you look all cute."

"They dangle in the bunsen burners. First degree burns are not cute. Besides, I don't do cute."

"Am I cute?"

" You're cute. You're damn cute. You possibly define the word."

"Well then. You do do cute."

"Ah. True. Right here and right now, if you like."

Mmm....yeah, that's..."

"...ga...k...whoa..."

"Just a bit to th...Yeow!"

"Unhand Jimmy Onion, you fiend!"

"Lex?!"

"Clark?...What just bit me in a delicate area? Because, unless you have teeth someplace even aliens shouldn't have teeth..."

"You know, that should disgust me, but I think I'm actually even more horny...Oh. You rolled on this."

"Don't tell me..."

"I, er, thought I'd brighten up your desk. They're very collectable. Were."

"A fully posable talking Super'Loupe action figure. With razor sharp cape."

"Well, you're not meant to do that to them..."

"Clark, I'm actually touched. Sore, but touched. Wow, and you got a Dr. Aubergine limited edition with his Vegemite-Enhanced Blender!

"At least they escaped your Buttocks of Crushing Doom."

"Clark, I sincerely hope you're going to rethink that last statement."

"Lex...what are you doing with that blender...?"

"Just seeing where best it would fit...in my laboratory."

"Lex, stay back...Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I fully retract any and all aspersions I may have cast on your posterior."

"Hmm..."

"Lex, I worship your buttocks."

"Okay."

"Now, lets...oh. Damn."

"Trouble?"

"I think so. God, Lex, screaming... Gotta go."


"Well, Doc. Just you and me. Let's try to fix the melon, eh?

What? Yeah, he's a pain in the ass, sometimes.But you'd feel wrong without him, right?"

"Oh god. I'm talking to plastic. How do you do a brain transplant, anyway?"



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