"They Saved Dr.Aubergine's Brain!"

by Shropshire



Disclaimer: I couldn't write that stuff. Ergo, it's not mine. If it's yours, however, could I just buy Lex? I have cupcakes...

Notes: Hitting a blockage halfway through "Hothead".

"Of Juice and Justice", (available, on this very archive, in mint, parma violet and new chocolate flavour) helped me with my last block, so here's a sequel. If things don't make sense that may help. Or not.

Dedication: This is for the song-parodic genius who is CanSpy (whether she wants it or not). Thanks for all the encouragement, it means a lot. I will finish the script. Oh, yes.


"They Saved Dr. Aubergine's brain?"

"Clark, warn me when you're about to burst in on me without warning."

"I can't believe you still read that junk. Warrior Angel is going to get jealous."

"Warrior Angel is my one true love. Dr. Aubergine's merely a lighthearted fling."

"Hang on, isn't Super Cantaloupe the hero? I don't think you should be getting moony over supervillains, Lex."

"Clark, One: I am not getting moony over any collection of laughably amateur ink lines. Two: SuperMelonhead may be the hero, but he's pretty dull. All that pontificating, steadfast boyscout attitude, no sense of humour..."

"He made a joke about "seeds of destruction" in the last issue."

"Ah. You still read that junk, too. And the joke status of that "seed" line is extremely debatable."

"I have to read it. I wear the damn uniform. Nowhere, in that bloody comic book, does it mention how itchy the thing gets. Or how it creeps into...intimate areas."

"Let me help..."

"Le-ex...um, okay that's better. Much better."

"How did your crime busting go, anyway?"

"Saw crime. Busted it. Went pretty well, altogether. It's amazing how quickly people have gotten used to this."

"Yes, in the Planet today: 'Brightly Coloured Flying Weirdo Saves a Bunch of People' is relegated to page three. After a fun piece on 'Kittens who Ping-Pong'."

"It is not...oh. Cute. Heh, look at that ginger one..."

"Do you feel ok about this?"

"Of course. It's not like I wanted to be noticed...or appreciated..."

"Adored by the masses? Imprinted on their T-shirts and lunch boxes..."

"Well, no..."

"...pyjamas...underwear..."

"No. Yech. Imagine my head on someone's... Lex. Lex. Stop imagining it."

"I was just following orders..."

"You had a smirk the size of New Guinea."

"Really. I wonder if that counts as a superpower?

"Clark, give people time. Right now, you're a gimmick. After a while, you'll start to be important to them. Then you'll be taken for granted and harangued for not saving every single person who leaves their keys at home and would like you to open their window, please."

"Well, the guy was all frail and wobbly. And cabbagey smelling. He might not have managed on his own."

"I love you Clark. And if any of those ping-ponging kittens should happen to discover themselves all be-treed, I'm sure you'll be right on it."

"Lex...what if there's a major emergency...I mean an earthquake or something and I..."

"Clark. You'll do fine. Remember that's why you're doing this, because you can do this. And because you have a cape fetish."

"I do not have a cape fetish."

"Come on, Clark, after you first put it on, I could hardly get you out of it."

"Maybe, I just wanted you to try really hard?"

"Now who's grinning like a moderately sized country?"

"At least I grin and don't smirk."

"Smirking's an art, Clark. Any fool or Halloween pumpkin can grin."

"Ooh, which reminds me...in the next issue, The Severely Orange Peril tries to destroy the world. Super'Loupe and Aubergine have to team up to stop him."

"You'd just love those two to get along wouldn't you? And make sweet, sweet juice together."

"Yuk, Lex. And maybe. Dr. Aubergine seems misunderstood."

"...Die, Fruitalien, die! Expire, damn you, in horrible, horrible pain!"

"He was having a bad day. You can get quite grumpy yourself."

"I'm never grumpy Clark. I get annoyed. When idiots do idiotic things. Idiotically."

"Bad day at work?"

"Business people should all be hunted down like antelope and have lions unleashed upon them."

"All business people, Lex?"

"Shut it. I'm becoming a mad scientist."

"Well, I could use some world saving devices, cures for cancer, that sort of thing."

"Don't laugh, Kent, I might just do that."

"I think maybe you could."

"Clark?"

"Yeah?"

"When the earthquakes come...I'll be here."

"I know, Lex."

"Clark?"

"Yeah?"

"Gimme back my comic book."



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