Mad Lex: Beyond Woobiedome

by Crossbow

Title: Mad Lex: Beyond Woobiedome
Author: Crossbow
Rating: "G" for Gratuitous.
Summary: What we wish Lex would say.
Disclaimer: Don't own Smallville, Tina Turner, Mad Max, or the word "Woobie." I did own Mel Gibson, but I forgot to renew my title.

Dedication: To the few people on Kryptonsite who know what I'm talking about.

Author's note: I was dreaming when I wrote this; forgive me if it goes astray. Oh, no wait, that wasn't me. It was Prince. And the line "No, wait, that wasn't me" is from Stephen Wright. Sigh. I can't do anything original. Anyway, the point is, I never intended for this to be a finished story. That doesn't mean there won't be more, it just means there isn't an actual, you know, what's the word ... Plot.

Thanks to Jaded for beta-reading.

Explanations: "Woobie" is a term meaning someone needs a hug. Particularly Lex. "CoCK" stands for "Chamber of Clark Kent," the room in the mansion where Lex keeps all his Clark Kent memorabilia - er, I mean, all his meteor rock stuff.

When: Season 3 finale. Lex has just discovered Clark in the CoCK. Where: They are still in the CoCK. Not Australia. Why: Because he's beautiful when he's angry.

We don't need another hero
We don't need to know the way home
All we want is life beyond

"This friendship is over!"

That stung a bit, but Lex never lost his balance. "You know, this is a bit much coming from you, Clark. You haven't been honest with me since the day we met!"

Clark turned and began pacing. "And clearly I was right not to be, since you've been stalking me this whole time!"

Luthors, on the other hand, did not pace. "I have not been stalking you. I told you, I stopped trying to figure out what you were hiding two years ago - around the time I shot the one person who could have told me what's going on, if you'll recall."

"Really. Then what's with the giant picture of me?"

Well, that was a good question. "I ... just like looking at it," Lex explained, trying not to sound completely lame.

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Yes. Do you not have a mirror?"

Clark stopped and stared at Lex. Taking advantage of Clark's confusion, Lex continued, "And by the way, what are you doing here? I know you could have broken the door down, but it's not damaged. How did you get in?"

"Your father - "

"Oh, so you went to see my father. And I suppose he gave you the key. And of course you don't need my permission to come snooping around my home, since it technically belongs to LuthorCorp, and Lionel gave you the key. Well, that all makes sense now."

"You know, Lex, Lionel may be evil, but he's been more honest with me that you have!"

"You think so? Was he honest when he sent you into the lab and then had you stuck in that isolation tank? Do you think he gave you the key to this room out of his altruistic desire for you to have all the facts? Do you have any idea how much funding he's put into researching you?"

"No," said Clark. "Why, is it more funding that you put into researching me?"

"I keep telling you, I'm done with that. For the last two years I've been trying to protect these big secrets of yours without even knowing what they are, and you repay me by breaking into the one place in my house you know I don't want you to go."

Clark shook his head. "Sorry, Lex, I just can't believe any of that. There have just been too many lies."

Lex stood away from the doorway. "You know what, Clark? That was my best shot. If you still don't trust me, get the hell out of my house. And give me that key first."

Clark stormed out of the mansion. Of course he didn't trust Lex! How could he possibly, after seeing that room? And after all the time he'd saved Lex's ass.

On the other hand, if he hadn't saved Lex's ass so many times, the room wouldn't exist. But what was he supposed to do, let Lex get killed? And it wasn't his fault Lex was in mortal danger every week or so.

Well, it sort of was. Most of the problems in Smallville were caused by the meteor rocks that had arrived with him. But he hadn't been the one that programmed the spaceship to go to Earth, and the person who had had most likely had no way of knowing what effect Krypton's debris would have on humans.

Clark took a moment to wonder whether livestock and crops had also been affected, and if not, why not? It would certainly explain those strange looks their oldest cow, Bessie, had given him. It might also explain why Bessie had lived so long ... no, better not to follow that train of thought.

Besides, Lex needed rescuing from his own father more often than from meteor freaks. Or one of Lex's own wives. And Lex might already be dead if it weren't for the meteors - Didn't Chloe say she thought that his inhumanly high white blood cell count was due to the meteors?

Wait ... didn't a high WBC count mean someone was really sick?

Nah, Lex wasn't sick. In fact, he'd had asthma before the meteors, and hadn't been ill a day in his life since then. And if he was sick, well, Clark still hadn't been the one to aim the meteors at Earth.

And it wasn't as if he had any choice about lying to Lex. Hadn't Lex just today shown how untrustworthy he was? So what if he had killed Nixon to protect Clark; he'd still gone on with his own investigation.

No, there was definitely no way that anything that had happened in Smallville had been Clark's fault. His father was always telling him so, wasn't he?

But ... he probably shouldn't have ever visited Lionel in prison. Or asked for his help in preventing Lex from recovering his memories. Which, come to think of it, had resulted in Lex having to rescue Clark. Yeah, talking to Lionel was generally a mistake. Okay, chalk that one up to experience. No more talking to Lionel. But since he had just severed his friendship with Lex, that wasn't likely to be an issue.

... Except that Lionel would still have people researching Clark, and Lex was probably the only one who could stop that. But he wasn't going to stay friends with Lex just because he needed his help. He couldn't trust Lex, and that was that. Dad has always said so, and Dad would know, after his trouble with Lionel. He had been right to refuse to let Lex bail out the farm all those times he'd offered. No matter how many times Clark and Lex had saved each other's lives, he'd just have to ...

Oh, fuck.

Clark turned around and headed back to the mansion.


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