A Brief History of Stephen Hawking vs. Lana Lang

by mobiusklein

The world famous physicist said in his computer synthesized voice, "So, according to these calculations, you are not the center of the universe."

"Lies, lies!" screamed Lana at the very thought.

"In fact you are merely the manifestation of the theoretical dramatic black hole where once plot lines go past the pink horizon to disappear, they are unrecoverable. In fact, everything that matters is crushed together into an infinitely dense and infinitely small sphere called the Chluthor sphere."

"Grrr," snarled Lana, about to attack the man for mathematically confirming her negative worth to the universe.

The man pushed a button which caused Lana to be dropped into an alternate dimension near a very strong black hole. To the observer, she was instantaneously sucked into the space-and-time distortion. However, to Lana Lang the subject, she spent an almost infinite amount of time being pulled towards the singularity while being simultaneously pulled into a thin strand of pink miles long due to the gravitational difference between her head and her feet.

Stephen Hawking called his friend Dr. Virgil Swan. "How do we explain her absence?"

"Blame it on war, famine or pink."

The End

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