Of Juice and Justice

by Shropshire



My thanks to everyone who's been encouraging.

Disclaimer: I only own most of the fruit mentioned below. If I was earning money from this d'yer think I'd work in a petting zoo? As a shovel?

Notes: Frivolous beyond words to express. Is blu-tak a universal thing?

Summary: Inspiration for a superhero

"A flying cantaloupe?"

"With a cape and blue knickers, I think. Or possibly red."

"Wouldn't the cape tangle in the horns?"

"Cantaloupe, Clark. A firm, round fruit of the melon species."

"...I was joking?"

"Uh-huh."

"So... hang on. No head, no limbs. What are the cape and knickers attached to?"

"Blu-tak, possibly. They sort of... mould themselves to the form of the fruit."

"Which fights for Justice?"

"And Truth. And the American Way. It's a self-righteously xenophobic SuperMelon with scary fashion sense."

"...and I thought Warrior Angel was geeky."

"Warrior Angel isn't geeky, Clark. It's an examination of the eternal forces of good and evil, of fate and the choices we make and of how cool it is to be bald."

"Ah, yes.

"But, Lex, this cantaloupe..."

"It fights foes with its fresh organic wiles and its rind of steel."

"You are actually kidding me, aren't you, Lex. Aren't you, Lex?"

"Here, Clark, I've found a copy."

"..."

"I can tell you're impressed. Is it the artwork, or the sheer gripping power of the story?"

"D.C. went through a bad patch."

"But there is a reason I'm showing you this now."

"Why...? Oh no."

"I've been thinking about this, Clark. You 're extremely powerful, non-human and- as far as they know, hopefully- practically invulnerable. The less threatening you come across the better."

"You want me to dress as a melon?!"

"That's a very pretty red colour, Clark."

"It's the colour of a man three seconds away from ripping out your still-beating heart and swallowing it."

"Dr. Aubergine, I presume."

"Quit smirking. 'Super'Loupe's Nefarious Nemesis' ? Cliche-spouting lunatic, more like. Though kinda sexy, as Aubergines go..."

"You worry me, Clark..."

"And since when do groceries have internal organs?"

"Since they put on capes and white coats and began haranguing each other in a poorly drawn 'Fruitopolis'. They're not real, Clark. They're fictional fruit, for god's sake. Logic's gone off for a swim in shark-infested waters."

"It certainly has if you expect me to..."

"Seriously, Clark. It's distracting, it's disguising, it's your favourite colours. Add some tights..."

"Excuse me?"

"...and nobody will even think of fearing you."

"Not even the criminals."

"Well... they'll learn."

"And everyone else will laugh themselves sick."

" A bonus community service."

" Lex..."

"Better they laugh, then drag you off into some lab or..."

"Okay, okay."

"Just try it. See how you feel."

"Like a fantastic flying fruit, I'd imagine."

"Well, if the tights fit..."

"Your spleen, Lex. My teeth."

"Nice, Clark. You should write for the comic.

"The other reason is humility."

"...you're not scared of me, are you Lex?"

"Never, Clark. Never. But everyone needs to be grounded...you do it for me..."

"...and you suggest I imitate the world's most ridiculous comic character."

"The sacrifices you make for humanity."

"Humanity better come here and persuade me it's worth it...mmm.

"That's a good start...."



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