Whoops

by LastScorpion



I don't own the rights to any of the characters. "Smallville" is the property of DC Comics, the WB, Gough & Millar, Tollin & Robbins, and possibly some other people I'm missing -- not me. "Superman" was invented by Shuster & Siegel. This is for fun only. Please don't sue.

The following two 100-word drabbles were cut from "Aftermath" because I ran out of words:

Between Lex's unnerving happiness (he wasn't offering to marry her, was he?) and Clark's equally-unnerving panic (he hadn't been a virgin, had he?), Lois was starting to feel it was up to her to calm the situation down, even though she'd so far been the most upset.

She sat up and fingered her hair out of her face. Let the tits fall where they may. (Not like they hadn't seen them before. What the hell had she been thinking?)

"Okay, boys. Lets all get this straight. Lex, you wanna marry me?"

The gorgeous bald man nodded.

"What the hell for?"


Ah, a question to answer. Lex eased up to sit gingerly on the edge of the bed. Possibly his feelings of attachment were the result of extraterrestrial pheromones, Clark's Kryptonian nature building him a new family in response to the former-superhero's recent settling-down. Maybe it was just that giving up on the Criminal Mastermind Business was making him sentimental. Nevertheless, there were several objectively good reasons to marry Lois.

"I've always liked you. Married men make better political candidates. You know most of my secrets. Last night apparently may have left you...?"

Lois sighed. "Okay," she said, and finally smiled.

(...almost a year later....)

Whoops

A sequel to Unexpected Miracle (which is a sequel to Aftermath, which is a sequel to A Man's Got to Know His Limitations)

By LastScorpion

On the one-year anniversary of his death, the woman that Clark Kent loved more than any other in all the cosmos promised to kill him again. Repeatedly. In various ways.

Of course, she was only threatening him because her husband, Lex Luthor, had taken the coward's way out and was huddled in the hallway outside her bedroom, trying to keep Larry from crying by giving him his fingers to chew on. Larry was teething, even though officially he wasn't born yet, and wouldn't be until his 'twin' brother decided to make his appearance.

Lois seemed to take it as a personal insult to her that this situation had been going on for more than ten hours so far. She was vehement in her desire to rip Lex's goddam head off and feed it to him, and to shoot Clark full of holes using Mercy's revolver.

The doctor, a squirrelly-looking fellow who seemed mortally afraid of Lex, didn't know what to make of Lois, so he just ignored everything she said to him. It was unclear whether this tactic was going to result in him losing any body parts or not.

Clark took his partner's imprecations with good grace. He brushed her hair back from her face and gave her ice. He let her squeeze his hands as hard as she wanted. He effortlessly lifted her up when it was time to push, and laid her back down again when she told him to. And when she finally held her child in her arms, and looked up at Clark, and said, "He's beautiful!" he smiled at her and agreed.

Four Months Later....

Clark didn't know what had ever possessed him to believe that this arrangement could possibly work. He had the farm to run, and Larry and Louis to mind and, okay, nurse, and the planet Earth still had a tendency to have terrible things happen to it. Thank heaven that Pete and Lana's oldest two girls had made almost a specialty of babysitting freakish Smallville mutant children, and that Lana was willing to let him drop the 'twins' off on a moment's notice no matter what.

Louis still seemed pretty normal. Who knew when or if the baby would ever manifest Lex's extra-healing ability? Besides, somebody'd have to hurt him in order to find out, and that was Not Happening.

Larry, on the other hand, though still noticeably smaller than his brother (half-brother, technically) had already destroyed two cribs and as many mobiles as he could get his chubby little hands on. Clark had finally dug through the ancient stuff in the Kent farmhouse attic and come up with a nice solid hand-carved cradle, probably made by Hiram Kent or even possibly for Hiram Kent. Larry could thrash around to his little heart's content in that, and all it did was rock, which promptly put the superbaby to sleep. It was a great solution, for the moment.

The worst of it was that Lex and Lois had been in Metropolis, without him, for a solid month. Well, okay, three weeks and five days, but it was still much too long! Lois had gone back to work at the Planet, and Lex's campaign for Mayor was just getting going. They were both very busy in the city, and they didn't really have the time (or in Lois's case, the energy) to come back down to Smallville all the time. Clark could have run up to Metropolis to be with them, but that meant bundling the babies up against windburn, and the cribs in the penthouse weren't really up to Larry's wiggling, and there always seemed to be a crash and a loud wail at just the wrong time, and Clark just didn't feel up to it. Lex and Lois hadn't insisted, either, which, frankly, kind of hurt. A little. Maybe a lot. And, yes, he could leave the babies with Carrie and Sherry and run up to Metropolis for at least a couple of hours, but he preferred to not overstep his welcome with the Ross family too much. If the girls got all burned out on babysitting just 'cause he wanted to get some, and then there was a world-wide catastrophe and he couldn't stop it because he couldn't get a sitter, he'd feel like an idiot.

So Clark sat at the kitchen table with the Daily Planet crossword puzzle and a glass of Kent Organic milk, listening to the quiet sounds of Kansas springtime outside the window, and Louis upstairs sucking on his fist, and Larry finally rocking himself to sleep, and CNN World News playing softly on the counter radio. Nothing was going on.

Man, he was horny.

Suddenly he heard the unbelievably welcome sound of an expensive European automobile approaching from the direction of Metropolis. He zoomed upstairs to his bedroom to make sure the king-size bed was made, and the bathroom had the soap out that Lex liked and the shampoo out that Lois liked and clean towels, and back down to the kitchen before Mr. and Mrs. Luthor parked in the yard. He had the door open before they knocked (front door - what with all the matrimony and children, he never had gotten around to moving the chickens off of the back porch) and leaned against the doorjamb, beaming at them.

"Hey, Smallville," Lois said, sultrily, as she brushed past him on her way into the house. Clark took a deep breath, loving the smell of her.

"Hi, Lois," he murmured, licking his lips. Then he saw Lex getting their suitcases out of the trunk of the car and went over to help him. Lex looked him up and down, set down the suitcase he was carrying, and captured his mouth in a kiss. After a little while, breathing a little harder, Clark said, "Hi, Lex."

Lex smirked at him and went into the house, carrying one suitcase and leaving the other two for Clark to pick up. Clark took time to close the trunk securely and still beat Lex back inside.

Lois was just coming downstairs. "They look like little angels when they're asleep," she commented.

"It's a good age," Clark put in. "They're big enough to sleep through the night. Usually. But they're still too little to get out of their cribs by themselves. Pretty much."

Lex had removed his coat and tie at the doorway. Lois had lost her shoes somewhere, maybe upstairs. Lex attacked him from the left and Lois from the right, just like usual, and soon Clark's senses were swimming. It was always the way, once they got started. Clark had never asked the other two if it was the same for them, losing track of who was who and what was what, in a bright ecstatic swirl of sensation.

Presently someone, probably Lex, said, "Upstairs," and there they all were.

Skin and skin, and Oh, he'd missed this. They felt so good against him all over, and then he was suddenly confused. Focusing in, pulling his alien brain back into his head from wherever it went when they were having a really nice time, and Lex was talking, and Lois was talking....

"Huh?" Clark asked.

They were used to him and explained it again. Well, Lex explained it, and Lois rolled her eyes at him. "Condoms, Clark," Lex said.

"You guys want me to wear a condom?"

"I want both of you guys to wear a condom!" Lois insisted. "You know how it gets once we get going, and I don't want to get pregnant again. I can't go on the Pill because of my blood pressure."

"Um, okay," Clark said. "How do you...?"

Lois looked at him disbelievingly. "You don't know how to put a condom on? How old are you, Clark?"

Clark felt his face get red. "No one's sure, exactly," he muttered. "Besides, you two have been with me every time I've had sex. You know I've never used a condom."

Lois apologized and kissed him, and Clark started to get back into that state he got into when they were doing this, but then Lex interrupted him again and showed him how to put the condom on. It was kind of like a little rubber sock, Clark thought, but he didn't say that.

"Is it supposed to feel like this?" he asked. "It's, um, really tight."

"Yeah," Lex answered, "but don't worry. After a little while you'll hardly even notice it."


Lois really wasn't sure about this. Well, she was sure she wanted them, both of them. She'd done her fair share of experimenting in her early twenties, but she'd never suspected that her one chance at domestic bliss was going to be as part of a bonded threesome with an alien and a Luthor. That didn't even come close to making sense.

However, it was completely true.

Of course, that didn't change the facts. If she were really honest with herself, she was, in fact, over forty. Practically middle-aged. Having a baby hadn't been as hard as she'd thought it would be, but she absolutely didn't want to get pregnant again. On the other hand, again with the being really honest with herself, it was also a fact that every night that she passed without being with Clark and Lex just contributed to driving her insane. Perry thought there was something seriously wrong with her, and, in a way, there was. Half the time she was at work, all she could think of was how much she wanted the boys. It was so intense that sometimes she thought she couldn't stand it!

In Metropolis, Lex had been busy laying the groundwork for his Mayoral Campaign, and she'd been getting back into the swing of things in the newsroom. She was tired all the time, and usually asleep by the time Lex got home. She'd slept through the entire three-hour (well, given Lex's driving habits, probably more like two-hour) drive from Metropolis to Smallville tonight.

Finally they were here, though, all three of them together, and she was with them both again. God, she needed this.

Clark's big hands on her back, shoulder, side, hip. Lex's talented tongue against her neck, her ear. She could barely get her breath and wanted to run every inch of herself over every inch of each of the others. They felt so warm against her skin, so firm against her hands and body and mmmm.

And when her eyes were open, Lex and Clark were so hot together. The way they touched and kissed each other was gorgeousness squared, and the fact that she wasn't just watching but was also feeling them and touching them herself, just made it even hotter.

God, Lex knew every single goddam button to push on her. She'd been missing out on a lot by sleeping so much in Metropolis, she thought. She wasn't sure why they didn't seem to do this when there were only the two of them -- it just seemed wrong somehow. When Clark was together with them, though, it all seemed so right. Clark didn't have Lex's experienced technique - she still found it hard to believe that a hunk like him had been a virgin before she got to him - but his basic skills were - oh! - excellent.

The tangled three of them ended up on Clark's big bed, Lois and Lex on top. Lois could hear Clark licking something, and it wasn't her, so it must be Lex. The sound stopped; Lex jumped a little against her and gasped; she stopped his breath with her mouth. Clark's giant hands were getting gentler and faster, all over the bodies of his two lovers. He was surging under them like a gentle sea.

Lex broke his mouth free to gasp for air and started swearing softly. Lois shifted up and back a little, then slid, and gasped herself.

"Oh, Christ," Lois said. "Clark, you're so big. I never thought anything big would ever feel good again, but you're...."


Lex leaned over and kissed her, keeping her mouth and tongue busy with his own. (He really didn't want to hear any more of that sentence, especially since he suspected the word 'episiotomy' would figure prominently.) Clark didn't say anything. His mouth was already full.

Body moved against body against body. Lex rolled his bare head against Lois's soft hair, held her arms tightly, finally leaned almost all his weight against her as he shuddered into Clark's mouth. Lois was gasping against his shoulder, crescendo of soft little cries as she clutched at his sides, grabbed at his hips, shimmied against him, and then they both felt Clark below them freeze, straining hard. His hands ghosted rapidly over their skin like the most delicate of breezes. It was amazing, Lex thought, as he slid a little and felt Clark panting against his thigh. Clark had destroyed all manner of bedclothes, and in fact beds, during these sessions of theirs, but he never even bruised his lovers. When Clark was at his most out-of-control, he could be extremely destructive of inanimate objects, but he got even more careful and gentle with the two of them. Lex didn't know if it were an inborn trait (it would be an evolutionary disadvantage to crush one's mates, after all) or if the Kents' teachings of "Don't Hurt Anybody" had just been ingrained bone-deep. In any case, the - Oh Crap! Clark didn't know he should hold onto the edge of that thing when he was done.

"Clark!" Lex said urgently. Lois was undulating a little; Lex slid his hands appreciatively down her waist and hips, and got the edge of the condom before his wife and his lover separated.

"Huh?" Clark breathed against Lex's flank, and Lex closed his eyes for a moment in pleasure at the feel of it. Lois folded herself down over him; Lex could feel her soft breasts against the back of his shoulders, and she was running her hands down his spine.

Lex laughed a little, breathlessly. "You guys aren't making this any easier," he commented.

"Mmmm?" Lois asked, still rubbing.

"Clark doesn't know to hold on to the edge of this while you two, uh, disengage. I've got it, I think. Why don't you just roll off, Lois?"

"Oh!" Lois got off of them both and lay down next to Clark, who snuggled her up.

Lex looked at the condom. "Oh," he said.

"What?" Lois asked sharply. She sounded a lot more like her usual self, which was almost a pity.

Lex displayed the remains of the prophylactic.

"Well, shit," she declared.

Lex lay down on the other side of Clark. "Hmm?" Clark asked. He looked sleepy.

"Finest latex money can buy, you said," Lois fumed. "Don't worry about it, Lois, you said." Lex reached over Clark with his unoccupied hand and petted her absently.

Now Clark looked more awake. "What's the matter?" he asked.

Lex showed him. "Apparently the condoms weren't quite up to the job," he explained, showing Clark the one he'd removed and indicating the complete lack of any remaining structural integrity. "Speaking of which, what happened to the other one?" Lex asked, noticing suddenly (well, he had been a little occupied) that he wasn't wearing a condom anymore, and he had no clear idea of what had happened to it.

"Um," Clark said, blushing, "I may have, accidentally, uh, swallowed it."

Lex started laughing. "So much for that," he gasped out. After a little while, Lois even joined in.

Clark contentedly cuddled his two hysterical humans.



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