by Amy Wolf
Clark zoomed through the field. He'd forgotten his chemistry book, and had a ten minute break before class, so he cut across Lex's
property. His dad always got on him about not leaving tracks through people's cornfields. "It's not nice to flatten another man's
corn" he'd say. And ever since summer (don't think about it don't), he'd been doing everything he could to get along with them.
Lex had no corn, just a few trees and a weird hilly bit where no one ever went. He was cruising along, keeping an eye out for
people, when he fell.
He tumbled headlong down the hill, landing hard in a hole. He felt a strange shock, followed by a pain he almost recognized and an
overwhelming nausea he knew all too well. Rolling over on his side, he got a look at his surroundings. He was in a meteor crater.
He forced himself into a sitting position. The left side of the pit was littered with kryptonite rock, giving off a dull green goal. He
scrambled away, backing into the opposite wall. Trying to stand, he was stopped by a sharp pain in his left leg. He hissed and sat.
Blood was sleeping through the fabric of his jeans. This was rapidly becoming a very bad day.
He leaned forward to slide his pant leg up. His chest felt strangely heavy. He pulled back the fabric revealing a skinny
blood-smeared leg. Shards of rock were imbedded in the skin, stained red with blood. He edged it back from one large painful
chunk just below the knee that had torn a hole in his pants.
It wasn't red from blood. He licked his thumb and rubbed it to make sure. It was red, it was glowing and it was stuck through his
Red Kryptonite. Great. He was going to go insane and die in a hole. This was officially a very bad day.
He felt around for other injuries, his hands landing on his chest. They stopped. Then felt around, very carefully. Then looked
down. It was a bit tricky to tell in his flannel shirt, which had suddenly become too big for him, but when he put his hand there, he
could tell. He'd grown breasts. With a sudden squeal of panic, he put his hand between his legs. Gone! He'd been turned into a
girl. This was going on his all time top ten list of very bad days.
Okay, remain calm. First step, get out of the hole. Sex changes, insanity, and the fact he was missing the weekly quiz would all
have to wait until he'd resolved the impending death situation. He pulled himself up, leaning against the wall with his weight on his right leg. His hands just reached the top of the crater. He
gripped the dirt, hopped with his good leg and pulled.
For a moment, he managed to lift himself off the ground, clinging to the dirt and wishing for his super strength back. Then the
ground gave way under his hand, and he fell, hard. His ribs cracked, and he collapsed.
New plan. Lay in the hole and die. He momentarily wished for the spaceship back. It was good at rescuing him from kryptonite.
"Miss, are you alright?"
Lex! Clark closed his eyes and silently thanked God. Lex walking around the outskirts of his property in the middle of the
afternoon? Had to be a miracle.
"Miss, can you speak?"
Clark sat up, carefully. "Yeah. I'm stuck down here. Could you give me a hands?" He put his hand to his side, and winced in
pain. Getting away from the kryptonite would definitely be a good thing.
Lex leaned down over the side of the crater, concerned. "I don't think that would be a good idea. I'll call emergency rescue
services. You hold still." Lex whipped out his ubiquitous cell phone.
"Don't!" Clark yelled, a little to frantically. "I mean I'm fine, really. I just need a hand getting out." He pulled himself back up
against the dirt wall.
Lex narrowed his eyes. "Okay." he said, and reached his hand down.
As soon as Clark was out of the pit, he felt well enough to walk back to the castle. Lex kept shooting him little concerned looks,
which was kind of nice actually, but also asked a million questions. As soon as they made it back, "Clara Kendall" (so he wasn't
creative,) locked himself in the bathroom with a first aid kit.
After wiping the blood off, he picked at the largest chunk of rock. It wouldn't come out. He took the tweezers and tried to dig it
out. The tweezers crumpled. It was stuck, good and proper. And he was invulnerable, which ruled body-switching right out. He sighed, and dropped the tweezers.
A knock on the door startled him. "I found you some clothes." said Lex through the door. "Yours seemed to be in pretty bad
shape. I'll leave them by the door." Footsteps lead away. Clark hurriedly cleaned up, and grabbed the fresh clothes. His, which
were pretty well wrecked, got rolled up into a little bundle on the toilet tank. The clothes were tailored gray slacks, a purple silk shirt
that looked suspiciously like one of Lex's and underwear. Clark froze. Black thong panties and a matching bra. They seemed
clean, like they might not have ever been worn. Which meant Lex may have underwear delivery on speed dial, in case of strange
women needing clothes. Or they may be leftovers from Helen, or God forbid, Desiree. He shrugged and picked up the underwear.
The panties were simple, but the bra stumped him. Fastening tiny metal hooks behind your own back without looking had to be a secret girl trick. Eventually, he managed to fasten it in front, slide it around frontward, and slip the straps over his shoulder. All without unreasonable breast fondling. Hey, he had to explore a little. He slipped into the pants, which fit surprisingly well, put the shirt on, and checked himself out in the mirror.
His hair looked longer, about Chloe-length, and his curls were back with a vengeance. But on a girl it worked. He had big doe-eyes, and a surprisingly pretty mouth. In this outfit, he looked older, maybe twenty, and very sophisticated. He was the kind of girl that Pete would call "a smokin' hottie."
His shoes didn't fit, but if he laced them tight they stayed on. He stepped out the door, holding his bundle of dirty clothes. Lex stood up from his seat, looked up at him and kept looking.
"Miss Kendall." he finally said, "You clean up rather nicely."
"Thank you." Clark felt himself blushing with embarrassment, then looked away. Now he looked like he was flirting. With Lex.
"Much more flattering than what you had on. Why were you running around in oversized flannel anyways?"
"I borrowed them. From my cousin, um, Clark Kent. All mine were too nice to grub around the farm in." Clark swallowed nervously. He hated having to make up stories on the spot.
Lex stared evenly. "Staying on the Kent farm? Did you get lost?" he asked. He had that look that always made Clark feel like there was a joke he didn't quite get.
"No. I mean yes. I mean, I was out for a walk." Clark mumbled to a halt.
"And you tripped and fell in an old crater." Lex put a hand on his shoulder. There was a very weird vibe, that Clark couldn't put his finger on. It wasn't totally unfamiliar, but nothing he wanted to deal with right now.
"So." he asked, stepping back, "Do you always keep women's clothing around in case of emergency?"
"They belonged to a friend." Lex looked wistful. Helen. Clark looked away. "Except the shirt. It was mine. You're a bit more endowed than she was."
"Um, I should go." He looked towards the door.
"Kent Farms, right? I'll drive you." Lex put a hand on his shoulder.
"I wouldn't want to put you out."
"No trouble at all." said Lex. "Have you ever ridden in a Ferrari?"
"I have, actually." Clark smiled at Lex's surprise. "It's okay, I can walk."
"I insist. I wouldn't want to worry about your safety." A playful smile. No question, Lex was in full charm mode. But he couldn't exactly get dropped off at the house, and expect his parents to pick up on the "Cousin Clara" story. He had to think of something.
"Clark told me to meet his friends at the Talon after school. Could you drop me off there?" Clark smiled up through his lashes. If he was trapped in the girl thing, he may as well make use of it. If he could just get to Pete, he could explain the whole thing.
"Anything you like." Lex slid his hand down Clark's arm, taking his hand. This was definitely going beyond ordinary Lex charm.
When they got to the car, Lex tossed him something he caught without looking. "Want to drive?"
Clark looked in his hand. Keys. Lex never let people drive any of the good cars. "Sure."
"You are listened, right?" A moment's hesitation.
"Yeah, don't worry about it. I'm an excellent driver." Note to self; Rain Man impressions don't work in girl-voice. He opened the door and slid in, firing up the ignition. Lex climbed into the passenger seat.
"Now this is a sports car, so it's not what you're used to. Take it easy, and it will all fall into place." Lex put his hand over Clark's on the gearshift.
"I think I got it." Clark slid it into neutral and edged out of the garage. Then he floored it.
At the Talon, Pete and Chloe were drinking espressos and discussing homework, when Lex Luthor's Ferrari came tearing down the street. It screeched to a halt in front of the Talon, and pulled into a parking space.
"Gee, what's gotten into Lex?" asked Chloe, "He'd driving like a maniac."
Out of the driver's side door stepped a long-legged beauty, with back hair, a golden tan, and a body that had Pete staring out the window until Chloe shoved him.
"Hey drool boy, cut it out."
"Sorry." Pete turned away. "That explains the driving."
Outside the window, Lex stepped out of the passenger side. The girl handed him the keys and they talked, smiling and nodding.
"I think we're looking at Mrs. Luthor mark three." said Chloe.
"You think?" asked Pete.
"Totally. Look at them. You see how his eyes light up?" Pete looked. Lex did have a kind of happy vibe.
"Man, how many times does a guy have to get burned before he has the sense to back off?" Lex had just stepped up close to Mrs. Luthor III and was leaning in for a kiss. She pulled back, and turned towards the Talon. Lex waved apologetically and got in the car. Not Mrs. Luthor nodded over her shoulder and entered the coffee shop.
"There goes that theory. Not every hot girl falls for money and power."
"Oh yeah," asked Chloe, "Then what do the rest fall for?"
"Pure Pete charm, baby." He gave her his best suave look, causing her to have a total giggle fit.
Just then, the hot girl walked up to their booth. "Pete!" she exclaimed. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you."
"Could you come with me? Right now?" asked the hot girl, pulling on Pete's arm.
"Um, do I know you?" Pete asked.
"Sort of. It's a long story, which I need to explain in private." A mysterious beauty blow into town, reject Lex Luthor, and is now desperate to get him alone. Either Pete was dreaming, or she was some kind of deadly meteor mutant. Although the had half a mind to take that chance.
"What's this about?" asked Chloe.
"I can't tell you. It's secret."
Chloe raised her eyebrows. "Pete, you don't have a CIA job you're not telling me about do you?"
"I swear Chloe, I don't have a clue." Pete gave her his best innocent look.
The hot girl was getting frustrated. She leaned in close, her mouth by Pete's ear. "It's about Kryptonians." she whispered furiously.
Pete's eyes widened. "Chloe, I have to go."
"What, she said the code word? Terrorists are attacking the nation's corn supply?" She sighed. "Go. Save the world. You can owe me for the coffee."
Pete smiled, and dashed off.
Hot Girl dragged him to his car. She knew exactly which one it was. "Is this some sort of crazy Men In Black deal?" joked Pete.
"Get in. I'll explain on the way."
"On the way where?" Pete asked.
Pete got in the car. As soon as she closed the door, he locked it. "Okay, we're not going anywhere until you tell me exactly what's going on, and how you know about Kryptonians."
"Pete, I'm Clark."
"What do you mean you're Clark?" Pete shook his head. He couldn't come up with a way to make that make sense.
"I know this is really hard to believe, and I'm still pretty freaked out myself, but I fell in a hole full of kryptonite, and I got a chunk of red stuff stuck in my leg, and I turned into a girl." She pulled her leg up, slid her pants up over her knee, and revealed a piece of red rock, embedded in her leg. Pete stared. The hot chick was wearing Clark's enormous beat-up sneakers.
"Okay," he said, "If you're really Clark, tell me something only Clark would know."
"Aside from I'm an alien? Fine. You keep a stash of Playboys in your sock drawer. Your older brother gave them to you when he left for college. Your other brother left you Hustler, but you threw those out because they had a cartoon, 'Chester the Molester' and you thought they were creepy."
Pete blinked. That fit, way too well. But it was still insane. He pulled out the ashtray. It was full of gum wrappers. "Light this on fire."
She rolled her eyes, and stared at the wrappers. They burst into flames. So either it was another alien with Clark's powers who also had access to all his memories and was using them to trick Pete, or...
"You turned into a girl?" The girl, Clark, nodded.
"So how'd you end up at Luthor's"
"It's a long story. Right now, we have to fix this. I think it's the red kryptonite. It's not affecting me like it usually does."
"So it turned you into a chick? Are you high? Oh wait, you would be."
"Pete, this is serious. We have to get a chunk of the green stuff, so we can get the rocks out of my leg and I can go back to normal."
"Well, it's worth a shot." said Pete and drove. He was going to Clark's barn. Never mind that his best friend wanted him to find a chunk of poison rock to counteract the insanity rock that had turned him into the kind of girl Lex Luthor drools over. If he focused on driving his car to the Kent's, it made perfect sense.
About five minutes later he asked, "How do you know this isn't some normal alien thing? Like when you reach a certain age, whammo, you change."
The look on Clark's face was priceless.
He got them to the barn, then grabbed the lead box out of the trunk. He shuddered briefly. He'd never liked even seeing it in his trunk. Too many bad associations. But it was the best plan he could think of. He closed the trunk and headed up to the barn.
Martha Kent looked out the window. Pete was headed up to the Fortress of Solitude, presumably waiting for Clark, who'd be getting a few choice words when he got home. The school called, and he'd skipped chemistry. She headed out to tell Pete to go home.
Clark was sitting on the couch, when Pete came in. "You got kryptonite already?"
"Yeah." Pete didn't elaborate.
"Okay, then open it up." Clark kept fidgeting.
"Hang on, your clothes." said Pete. "Won't they tear if you change back? Maybe you should take them off."
A glare that made Pete think he was about to burst into flames. "I'm not getting naked, Pete."
"Come on, we see each other naked in the locker room. It's no big deal."
"This is different."
"Okay, how about a blanket. I mean you don't want to wreck those fancy clothes. Where did you get them anyways?"
Clark blushed. On a girl it was pretty cute. "Lex. Mine were torn when I fell."
Pete tossed Clark a blanket. Clark draped it so Pete wouldn't see anything, then peeled off the fancy clothes. Pete's eyes just about popped out of his head when Clark flung the panties almost straight at him.
"Open the box." Pete popped it open just as Martha Kent came up the stairs.
"Peter Matthew Ross, what the HELL is going on here?" Pete swallowed, suddenly conscious of how this all looked.
"Is that kryptonite? I don't even want to know." She put her hand to her head. "Never mind, I do want to know. This explanation ought be worth it."
"Okay" Pete sighed. He closed the box. "Clark turned into a girl and we were trying to turn him back." He waved over to where Clark was sitting.
Martha's jaw dropped. She stepped across the barn, and stared intensely in Clark's face. "Clark?"
"Mom?" Clark looked up, embarrassed.
She gave an evaluating nod, and turned on Pete. "Why do you have him up here naked with a box of kryptonite?" Her voice was very calm, and very even. Pete fought back the urge to whimper.
"He has a piece of red k stuck in his leg. We think that's what's causing it. The kryptonite is so we can get it out."
Martha glanced from Pete to Clark and rolled her eyes. "Wait here, five minutes. And the blanket stays on."
She dashed out, and came running back with a first aid kit and a change of clothes. "Here. Now we're decently prepared. Let me see your leg."
Clark poked a leg out from the blanket. Martha turned and nodded to Pete. He opened the box. She pulled out the largest chunk, and laid it neatly on the shirt. She then took the tweezers and picked at the various little shards, setting them down on the shirt. "Pete, put these in the box." She wiped the wounds down with an alcohol-soaked cotton swab.
Pete scooped them up, dropped them in the box, and closed the lid. He heard a shocked, "Oh" behind him. When he turned around, Clark was Clark.
"Wow. That just, wow."
Martha finished wiping up the blood and packed up the first aid kit. "I think that took care of it. You can get dressed now."
Clark grabbed the clothes. Martha turned around. "Mom!"
"Do you have to be in the room?"
"I won't look. And you could get naked in front of Pete." She smiled and winked at Pete.
"Yeah, but I had to talk him into it."
Martha's mouth opened in surprise. "Pete, you're a good friend to my son, but I wouldn't trust you with a daughter." She headed down the stairs.
A plaintive voice from the loft. "Mom?"
"Could you not tell Dad?"
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