SUMMARY: A frivolous, short, and hopefully humorous fic. If you want something, you have to be willing to make a fair exchange.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please.
DISTRIBUTION: All you have to do is ask. DISCLAIMER: I don't own SMALLVILLE. Other, richer people do. WEBSITE: http://www.geocities.com/dannyblue2
Clark Kent was tempted to use his super speed. He didn't care that he was in the middle of a busy street, and dozens of people would notice if he vanished in a sudden blur of motion. He just wanted to get away.
"Come on, Clark!" Chloe Sullivan said, hard on his heels. "It's a simple question that requires a simple answer."
"Well, I plead the fifth," Clark said. Pushing open the door of the Talon, he hurried into the coffee house.
"What's the big deal?" Chloe demanded, the slightest hint of a whine creeping into her voice. "It's not like I'm going to print it on the front page of The Torch."
"That's not what I'm worried about," Clark muttered. He clutched the strap of his backpack as his desperate eyes searched the Talon for some kind of escape.
And he found it in a very familiar face. Lex Luthor was sitting at a table, a file folder open in front of him, a laptop humming at his elbow.
"Lex!" Clark exclaimed, not trying to hide his relief. Grinning, he started across the room.
"Clark. Miss Sullivan," Lex said with a welcoming smile. Even as he smoothly closed the file folder with one hand, folded down the screen of the laptop with the other. "And what are you two up to today?"
"Nothing," Clark began. "We're just..."
"Clark's being a big baby man," Chloe interrupted.
Sitting back in his seat, Lex stared at them. One eyebrow peaked with curiosity. "Really?"
Clark sighed. "No, not really. I'm just..."
"Running like a freakishly big chicken from a simple question?" Chloe asked.
Lex's piercing gaze moved back and forth between the two teen-agers. A smirk quirked his lips. "Now I'm intrigued. What was the question?"
When a triumphant grin lit up Chloe's face, Clark groaned. He should've seen this coming. It was bad enough having Chloe give him the third degree. Now, he'd practically handed her an even more persistent accomplice on a silver platter.
"Okay!" Filled with eager energy, the young reporter dropped into a chair and leaned across the table. "So, in class, we were given an assignment. Write about our most embarrassing moment. Not the details of what happened, but how it made us feel."
"Hmmm." Lex's curious eyes settled on Clark's face. "Sound's interesting. If a little too Psych 101 for my tastes."
"That's what I thought too." Chloe shrugged. "But, hey, easy A, right? Or B- at least. Anyway, I was pretty sure what Clark's most embarrassing moment was. He spilled apple juice in his lap during lunch once, and had to stand up in front of the class to give a book report the next period."
While Lex didn't laugh out loud, his eyes danced with amusement. Clark's face turned red as he squirmed in his chair. He'd never forget the snickering. The whispers. The pointing. The endless Depends jokes.
"Well," Chloe continued, "as it turns out, that's wasn't Farmboy's greatest humiliation."
Groaning again, Clark slouched in his chair. It was his own fault. When Chloe leaned towards his desk and whispered, `I know what you're writing about. The apple juice incident.' he'd foolishly said, `Well, that was embarrassing. But not nearly as bad as...'
He'd cut himself off before he'd revealed too much, but it was already too late. Chloe's curiosity was peaked.
But it wasn't like he could tell her the truth, now could he? That his most embarrassing moment was waking up one morning, sitting up in bed, looking straight through the wall into his parents' bedroom (thanks to his x-ray vision) and seeing...Seeing...
Weeks later, thinking about it still made him want to take a scouring pad to his brain. For a while, he thought he'd never be able to think about sex again. But, well, he was 16 and a guy, so it hadn't really been a problem. Still...
"So, share, Clark," Chloe demanded. She waved towards their audience. "Lex and I are dying to know."
"Come now, Miss Sullivan," Lex said. "A man is entitled to his secrets."
Clark started to sigh in relief. So it wasn't going to be two against one.
"However," Lex continued, causing Clark's sigh to catch in his throat. "I am curious. I suggest a fair exchange."
"Yes!" Chloe exclaimed. She clapped her hands, rubbing them together with glee. "I'm game! Who gets to go first?"
"I will," Lex graciously offered.
Clark opened his mouth to tell them he wasn't playing this game. But, before he could get the words out...
"When I was 17," Lex began, "my father came home early and found me having oral sex with his mistress. In his private office. He entered just as the young woman was...reaching the peak of her excitement. In fact, her screams were probably what drew him to the office in the first place." After a thoughtful pause, Lex continued. "Anyway, having my father find me in that particular...position was more than a little embarrassing." Finished with his tale, Lex watched them expectantly.
The two teens sat frozen in their seats, eyes glazed as they stared at the completely relaxed man across from them. All kinds of interesting images danced through their young, innocent minds.
When he realized Lex was watching Chloe, a wicked grin hovering at the corners of his lips, Clark turned to see why.
Chloe's mouth was hanging open, her chin almost touching her chest. Her eyes were huge, about twice their normal size. Color flooded her face, until she was as red as a ripe tomato.
"U-um, w-well," she stammered. "Well. Th-that's, uh, very...Um. Yeah."
Clark was fascinated. Chloe had been robbed of the power of speech, which he didn't think was possible. And she usually had such a focused, penetrating gaze. But, now, her eyes were darting around the room. Whenever they landed on Clark or Lex, they quickly skittered away.
"Wow. That's...Hey, is that Lana?" Chloe croaked, pointing to the girl behind the counter. "I h-have to talk to her about...things."
Chloe all but fell out of her chair. She walked towards the counter so fast, it was a wonder she didn't trip over her own feet.
"You know, Clark," Lex said casually, "if you didn't want to tell Chloe your most embarrassing moment, you should have just made something up. Not only would it have satisfied her curiosity, but it probably would have been more interesting than the truth."
Clark frowned. "Yeah. I guess I didn't think of that."
"Yeah, I guess you wouldn't." Lex took a sip of his coffee.
"But I'm impressed." Clark grinned. "I mean, I've never seen anything shut Chloe down as fast as the story you just made up."
"Oh, the story's true," Lex assured him. The young billionaire shrugged. "But I was never embarrassed about it."
Also, why not join
Level Three, the Smallville all-fic list?