Title: Lux Aeterna (Light Eternal)
Disclaimer: Not mine
Spoilers: Not really
Author's notes: thanks to Saratms for the beta and encouragement. Feedback makes me pant. Don't you want to make me pant?
There is a beauty in terror, looming radiant in the moonlight. His dreams loom above him like marble angels with unforgiving faces, leaving his mouth dry and his head hurting.
Sometimes after these dreams he wonders if every action he takes is a part of plan he isn't in on. Every second charted, and he is only a shell. His insides tossed together because whoever made him didn't want to leave him empty, and all that means so much to him is just amusement for someone out there. That he is just the scarecrow stuffed with straw, filled with foolish pride for a brain that is made of bran and pins.
Other times like now, sitting in his office, shirt pulled out and cuffs undone, watching the sunlight play with the dust, he knows that he can become anything he wants to be. That triumph is waiting just around the next corner. But these periods of certainty are stretching further and further apart, and uneasiness creeps with softer feet.
Something stirring inside him, and he feels the need to move. Leave this house and office and walls and just...move. Finds his keys and is almost running.
Lets the car careen a little wildly, and stops. Dust swirling as he slams the door shut, and he closes his eyes briefly, feeling it settle in fine layers over his skin. The sun is bright above, but it is cool in the corn and he shivers a little in the shadows. His shirt is silk and thin and lets the air right through.
Over sweet smell of raw corn mixed with the earth scent of soil. All covered in dust.
Full body prickle and he closes his eyes. Takes in his surrounding with his ears, his nose. He doesn't want to see.
Noise of bugs, rustling of heavy stalks, ambient noise filling his ears and his mind, but leaving his thoughts untouched, and he thinks, maybe, maybe he can hear the sky calling his name.
Doesn't look up.
Opens his eyes and walks through the stalks, letting his hands touch random things, feel of them somehow important.
Sometimes in his dreams he is here in this cornfield, and it is silent and he likes it. But his thoughts drown his sleep and he will wake up from those dreams clutching the sheets and hurting.
Pauses and stares down at the shadows on the ground. Resists the urge to reach down and scrabble in the dirt. Doesn't know what he would be digging for.
Is this real?
World spinning faster and faster, crumbling away from the force of it until there is only this cornfield left, and if he steps out he will fall away.
Behind him and he turns slowly to see Clark standing there with a worried expression on his face. Worried? Concerned? Frightened?
He can't tell, but smiles dreamily and tilts his head slowly.
Maybe there's a gap in the rows and rows of corn, but the light filters down and illuminates him, until Clark is shining and bright, and he cuts through the haze.
Clark who is moving closer until Lex can smell the sweetness of young boy, and sweat and something he thinks might be the wind. Beautiful.
Doesn't realize until he hears Clark repeat "Lex?" in an even more worried voice that he's closed his eyes again.
Snaps them open, and does his best to smile reassuringly. Looks up to warm golden skin and bright shining eyes, and feels something stir in his belly, and suddenly the world has slowed its spinning. Clark, here and there and all around like fire, burning away the chaff surrounding him, destroying the layers and he thinks that maybe he isn't the scarecrow after all, because after the fire he is left bare and open and vulnerable, but still here.
Answers waiting for him in this cornfield, maybe, but not for today.
Lust and desire back again, and rich thick smell of earth bright in his senses. Everything a little less dreamy, sharper and dangerous, and the way he likes. He is grinning uncontrollably, and he can see Clark relax a little and a small grin creep up on his face.
"You're crazy, did you know that Lex?"
Grins even wider, and just tilts his head back considering.
"Hmm...I have to give the lovely residents of Smallville something to talk about don't I Clark? Besides, what does that say about you?"
Lex chuckles gently, and starts walking in what he hopes is the general direction of the car. Feels his pockets surreptitiously to make sure he has his keys.
"How did you find me?"
"I saw your car left running on the side of the road and I wondered if you were in trouble. And Lex? Your car is uh...in the other direction."
Looks up to find Clark grinning at him, does his best to glare, and then is forced to fight the urge to giggle wildly.
Gives up and lets out what sounds similar to a hysterical hiccup. Turns and gestures ahead of him.
"Lead on farmboy."
Clark is chuckling a little now, and grabs Lex's hand. Warm tanned fingers, soft firm flesh on his. Pulling him forward a little and back into the sunlight.
Maybe he thinks, when he gets back to the castle he'll take a nap.
Clark's voice coming from up ahead telling him to hurry and he walks a little faster.
Then again, maybe he won't.
Easy to let terror and horror meld together, not so easy to distinguish between the two.
And no reason to waste...whatever it is he has found here that keeps the grin on his face and his hand reaching forward to grab at Clark's fingers.
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