"Yeah Dad?"

"Can you come up here for a minute?"



"What's up?"

"Clark, we need to talk."

"O-kaay? What is it?"

"Clark, d'you remember your mother asking you to strip your bed this morning?"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot. Sorry. I'll do it now."

"No, no - it's okay. I-"

"Dad, it'll just take me a sec. I'm sorry, okay, I had a math test and-"

"Clark, your mother already stripped the bed."






"You wanna tell me why your mattress is full of holes?"


"Dammit Clark! Look, I understand you need to experiment with your powers, but you can't just go around poking your fingers through everything just to see if you can!"

"I wasn't-"

"I've seen you doing it Clark! I've seen you bending tyre irons and crushing rocks with your fists!"

"But I wasn't-"

"But nothing, Clark! You know how tight money is around here! Your mother and I can not afford to keep replacing things just because you feel like playing with your powers!"






"I wasn't experimenting! I was..."

"Oh God."

"I was..."

"Enjoying your own company?"

"Gross. Yeah."

"...But, why? I mean, what causes-"

"It's my fingers. They...sometimes they punch through the mattress."


"I'm sorry. I'll pay for the replacement."

"No, son. This...this isn't your fault."



"Enjoy anyone else's company?"


"You know what? Never mind. Forget I asked."

"No. No, Clark, sit down. I'm your father. I want you to be able to talk to me about this stuff."



"This is very embarrassing."

"I really agree."


"So. Obviously your strength is going to be...an obstacle."

"Uh, yeah!"

"But I'm sure that, given time, you'll learn to control it. You always have in the past."

"Dad, some things I can't control/"





"Well, I realise there maybe some...safety issues for the girl involved, but-"

"Dad. There's something else."






"Dad, it's. Well, I think it looks normal, from what I've, you know, seen in the locker rooms, but..."

"But what?"

"It's...it's really big. Like, really. Like, if I ever did get near a girl, how would I ever..."

"Get it in?"

"I...I never need to hear you say that again. And, yeah."

"Well, if you want, I could take a loo-"

"Dad! No! God!"

"No, you're right! I'm sorry!"

"It's okay. I know you're just trying to help."

"Well...how big, exactly?"

"I don't know! It's not like I measure it!"


"Here. I wrote it down."

"You wrote it down?"

"What? It keeps growing! I'm trying to keep track!"

"Okay, all right. Let's see...oh."



"Dad? Dad!"

"Yeah! Sorry, just. Um."

"Oh, God. I knew it."

"No! No, Clark, it's...fine. I mean, I've seen bigger."

"Really? And - ew."

"Well, maybe not seen exactly. More...heard of."

"From where? Boogie Nights?"

"No, and when did you see that movie? You're too young for that sort of -"

"Dad. Off topic here."

"Right. Sorry."

"Can I have my notebook back?"

"What? Oh, yeah. Here, take it."


"So. Are there any problems you wanna tell me about?"


"Okay. Shoot."



"It's...well, one thing I'm not worried about is whether or not everything works."

"Well. That's a relief."

"'Cause, it's all systems go! Like, all...the...time."

"All the time? As in constantly?"

"Ow. No. But, a lot. Like, even when I'm just...doing math or something!"

"Oh, Clark. Now that is completely normal. Happens to everyone. Believe me."

"So it's not because I'm an alien?"

"No. It's because you're fifteen."

"Oh. Well, that's something."

"Yeah. But Clark, we still have a problem with...the soft furnishings."

"I know."

"I don't suppose I could ask you to just...not do it anymore?"

"Like you said. I'm fifteen."

"Well, yeah. There is that."


"Could you maybe not do it in bed?"

"I can't believe we're having a conversation about the best place for me to ma-"

"I don't need to hear you say it again, son."


"Can't you just...keep your hands on, well, you?"

"I...I guess I could try that. Although I'm quite sure that this conversation will eliminate any further occurrences for a good long while."

"Never underestimate a teenage boy's libido, Clark."

"Ew. Again. What are - what are you going to tell Mom?"

"Well, I don't like lying to her, but-"

"Dad! Please don't tell her about this! Please please please please-"


"...Yeah Mom?"

"Honey, Lex is here! Shall I send him up?"


Clark. Mr Kent. I hope I'm not intruding."

"No! No, we're just about finished here. He's all yours, Lex."

"Thanks, Mr Kent. I'll keep that in mind."

"Have fun, boys."

"He seemed in kind of a hurry."

"Yeah, well. A farmer's work is never done. You wanna sit?"

"Thanks. I came over to ask - ow. What am I sitting on?"

"Oh, that's nothing, really. Just boring school stuff, here, I'll put it away."

"Math homework certainly has changed since my day."

"Lex, please, give that back. Lex!"

"Clark. Are these...measurements?"


"Oh, God. Yeah."


"You can laugh now."



"Are you busy tonight?"