DISTRIBUTION: List archives OK, anyone else just ask. Archived on Elegant Slumming http://www.obsessedmuch.net/elegant_slumming/
SPOILERS: None, to speak of.
SUMMARY: Clark lets his mind drift.
FEEDBACK: Would be very much appreciated.
DISCLAIMER: Both the show and the characters belong to someone else.
DEDICATION: Thanks to WHO for forcing me to make a decision.
NOTES: In answer to Livia's X-Files title challenge. Anasazi, Named for an Indian tribe that disappeared "without a trace".
Harsh sound of flesh against flesh. Filling the small space of the room with its almost hollow sound.
It's still not enough for him and Clark worries that it never will be. That nothing will ever be enough. He's more scared what will happen if he asks for more, so instead he stays silent.
He worries what Lex will think when Clark starts begging him for more. Begging him to fuck him harder.
Lex hasn't said anything but Clark can see the look on his face. Behind his eyes. He's always been able to tell what Lex is thinking, no matter how hard he concentrates, attempts to conceal. How much the patented Luthor stoicism hides. Clark can see it all like Lex is an open book.
He can see that look of shock, of uncertainty.
He knows this wasn't what Lex expected. What he thought it would be like for Clark's first time. And Clark's sure it's not normally like this.
Yet another difference for him to find, another thing that makes him stand out from everyone else. Nobody else could take this punishment. Take it like Clark needs it. Another way it marks him as so very different, as wrong.
He wants to feel Lex. To feel him inside him, like he knows this should feel. Wants that pain, that shock, that first ache that will soon become something so much more. But it wasn't like that for Clark. It can never be like that.
Instead he just starts to move in time. Create even more resistance as Lex slides deeper inside him. Slick of sweat and lube as they fuck. He's pulling Lex against him; body almost doubled over, he wants Lex to place more weight against him, to force himself deeper. To rest even more of his body against him because this is what he wants, what Clark's always wanted.
And Lex is fucking him, face contorted in pleasure. But his eyes are wide open, just like Clark's. He'd always thought it should be different. More instinctive and that's how he knows. Is sure that Lex knows something isn't quite right. The way that his eyes never leave him. Searching his face for answers.
Clark's sure he'll say something but instead he just continues to watch. The two of them staring into each other's eyes. Clark's biting his lower lip between his teeth. Bucking his hips as Lex continues to pummel against him. He wants to tell Lex that he's not afraid of the darkness. It's not hidden so deeply that Clark can't see it. He wants Lex to embrace it, to give in to it.
To share in it.
But he's unsure what would happen if he himself gave in. If he told him, whether or not that would lead to more questions than Clark's prepared to answer. What Lex would think of him if he was just for once in his life, honest. If he told him, begged for him to do this. To not worry about hurting him, to slam into him as hard as he could. To fuck him brutally, roughly. To finally give Clark what he needs.
Lex's naked skin is glowing, a glossy patina of sweat that catches the small amount of light. Refracts it, painting his body in a soft shine. So much paler than Clark's own and where the two of them are joined their bodies merge in a haze of colour. Of movement, almost blurring. But it's not enough.
He wants to throw his head back, slide himself forward as fast, as hard as he can. Wants the shock of pain, of need to be buried inside him. His whole body is aching for it. Clark's screaming on the inside, desperate to lose control. To finally feel that ache inside him.
To know that it's Lex that's making him feel that way. To know that it doesn't matter because it's him. To know that the pain is unimportant because what it means is so much more. He wants Lex to make him burn. To have him, to mark him.
But he stays silent, takes what he can get. Hopes that it'll be different soon. Be enough.
Clark wants that, to feel Lex. To be able to give and to take what he needs, but he knows it's too soon. That Lex won't be able to understand why, how.
He knows that he won't be able to comprehend how Clark needs Lex to use him, slam against him, fucking him as hard as he can.
Clark wants that. Just for once in his life to finally be able to feel.
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